Just A Girl
by like broken glass
Summary: Bella gets a new English teacher. It changes everything. New Moon AU. Imprint. Bella/Jacob.
1. Chapter 1

_Just A Girl_

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Summary: Bella gets a new English teacher. It changes everything. New Moon AU. Imprint.

* * *

It was two o'clock and Bella was chewing on her lip, anxious to get out of English class. She had taken the motorbikes to Jacob's mere days ago and was desperate to start riding – desperate to start feeling something. Of course, while Jacob was confident in his ability to repair the motorbikes, he always had confessed it may take time – weeks – until they were road-ready. Bella didn't know if she could wait that long. When she had first looked at the bikes, she had thought only of the danger – only of the possibility of Edward's voice caressing her ear once more. However, the more she sat thinking of the faded red paint on the motorbike that Jacob had teasingly proclaimed hers – the more girly of the two, he had said – she discovered this little twinge in her gut. The desire to do something. The desire to be free.

All this time she had existed desperate in her pain, but also, somehow, masochistically enjoying it. Her pain meant that it had happened. If she stopped feeling it – if this hole in her chest started to scab over – that meant that Edward was right. That time healed all wounds. That she would forget him.

She didn't want to forget him.

English was the only class that Bella paid any attention to anymore. All the others she would follow along, on auto-pilot, holding her hands across her chest like her ribcage could no longer contain the seeping visages of her heart. She maintained her grade point average, only because she had lost the ability to sleep for longer than two hours, consecutively. Bella had always been a reader. She used to read three books a week; long books, three-hundred or five-hundred page novels. Sometimes she would read a book so many times that the spine would crack and she would tape it back together. When she moved here, when she suddenly had the barest hint of a social life, even if it was vampires, all of her books she had painstakingly dragged to Forks sat unread, coated with dust.

Forks High had recruited a new English teacher – a Lucia Holston – after the last one suddenly won the Powerball and headed off to Finland. It had been a huge gossip a few months ago, as she had come in half-term, fresh from university. Bella hadn't formed many opinions. In fact, she was grateful that Ms. Holston felt the need to leave the classics behind this term. The idea of having to read _Romeo and Juliet_ again made Bella physically ill.

However, it wasn't really the particular subject that kept Bella paying attention in English. There was something different about Ms. Holston. And it wasn't a supernatural different, either. She wasn't remarkably pretty or anything – pale skin, red hair, and hips that carried just a little too much – but there was something about her intensity, her enthusiasm for her subject that made Bella want to sit up and pay attention.

Today, however, was another matter. She was expected at Jacob's after school to start looking over the motorbikes. He had said he'd give them a glace over after she'd left a few days ago, but somehow she felt like his enthusiasm would be increased if she was there enforcing it.

She felt guilty, using his crush on her to her own advantage – especially when she wasn't paying him. Not that she hadn't tried. It was obvious that he was hoping something more out of this. Bella thought it was obvious that she had nothing more to give. But Jacob had pounced on that twinge in her gut – the desire of freedom.

As much as she hid inside of her pain, clung to it like a crutch, she was desperate to walk on both of her feet again.

"Okay, before we head out, I've got an exciting project going on. It's not mandatory – nor with it give you extra-credit. But I'd really appreciate it if you would participate." Ms. Holston looked straight on to the disgruntled looks of the Bella's full English class. "I have arranged a type of anonymous communication between Forks High and La Push High by forging a connection with their English teacher, Mr. Polcyn. We think it would be wonderful to unite a group of kids to see past cultural differences. It will be just like having a pen pal. You would receive a number instead of a name to represent the person you are paired with – it would be the same for them, they can only identify you with a number unless you volunteer your personal information. All the mailing would go through me – if you have a letter ready, you would seal it in an envelope, write the number of your partner on the cover where the mailing address would go and your number where the sender's address goes and I will make sure it gets to them." Ms. Holston shifted, leaning against the front of her desk. "I really think this would be a fantastic opportunity for some of you. Friends are hard to make for some – other times, it helps to talk about certain things to people who don't know you. It can be a very freeing experience and a great way for self-expression."

Bella had zoned out half way through her speech. Back in Phoenix, they came up with these projects all the time – talking about interracial communication and respect for other's culture. Some had been focused on the prevention of suicide and self-harm. All of them had failed spectacularly when they found out literally no high school student actually wanted to write down their deepest secrets to strangers. Especially if there wasn't complete assurance that it would remain anonymous. Bella had never participated in any of these projects in Phoenix and had no desire to participate now.

Some things had changed tremendously for her. Others had not.

"If you're interested, please stay behind class or catch me whenever. You guys probably remember my schedule better than I do." Ms. Holston laughed a soft, giggly sort of laugh and most of the class gave fleeting smiles. Bella's eyes focused on the clock.

The bell rang and Bella jumped up, shoving papers into her bag with a quick efficiency. When she turned around, there were a few people talking with Mrs. Holston, who was handing out forms of some sort. Bella brushed past them to the door.

"Bella?" Ms. Holston's voice stopped her. It had been forever since a teacher had actively tried to communicate with her.

Bella turned around, confused, holding her arms over her stomach.

"Would you stay behind for a minute?'

Bella nodded, pausing at the doorframe. The several students looked between the teacher and Bella with ample curiosity. Bella ignored them.

She had turned in her last English paper, hadn't she? It had been on some mainstream novel…about wizards or something. She could remember typing it. Even printing it.

The few students passed by her, silent. Bella felt their stares and her self-consciousness increased ten-fold. When they left, she stepped up to Ms. Holston's desk.

"Did I do something wrong?" Bella asked, her voice slightly rough from disuse. Her arms tightened around her abdomen.

Ms. Holston smiled. "No, of course not. You've turned in some impressive work, Bella. I think you could have a future in English."

"Thank you." Bella felt, for the first time in a long time, blood rush to her cheeks. She didn't smile.

Ms. Holston gave a small sigh. Bella shifted uncomfortably, her backpack digging into her shoulder.

"The thing is, Bella, you're a bright student. But you lack motivation. I think this project would be really good for you. I've spoken with Mr. Polcyn from La Push about some of their students and there are some that also have great potential in pursuing careers in writing. I would like to connect you with one of them, anonymously, of course. We would follow all the rules of our pen pal project, but I would make sure to pair you up with someone who has a high proficiency in English."

"I don't think…" Bella bit her lip. She greatly disliked the idea of having to write to a stranger. Write anything, really. The idea of even attempting to compose a letter to someone made her chest hurt. What would you talk about? If they don't know who you are, in a small town like this, you'd have to be very careful not to give too much information. Especially since everyone in this town knew Charlie, and therefore 'knew' her. Besides, she had always been an awful conversationalist.

"Please, Bella. If you decide that you'd like to stop sending letters, that's okay. But I'd really like you to try." Ms. Holston's eyebrows were pulled together. She looked so genuine. Suddenly, Bella thought she was going to cry. Everyone had given up on her. Well, mostly everyone. Jacob seemed to have hope. But Charlie started pretending she didn't exist. She knew, rationally, that she had started pretending he didn't exist first – that he had tried, really tried, to get her to be a _person_ again. But she hadn't; she had fallen in too deep and there was no one throwing her a life-jacket anymore.

"I'm not… I'm not really good at talking to people." Bella shifted her weight, uncomfortable. She wanted this teacher to leave her alone, desperately. However, there was this smaller part that didn't. That wanted Ms. Holston to press it. That wanted Ms. Holston to _make_ her participate.

"That's the thing, Bella." Ms. Holston grinned, all of her teeth flashing. "You won't have to _talk_ to anyone. All you have to do is write."

* * *

Jacob's makeshift garage was comfortable. Probably the most comfortable place that Bella had been since the Cullens left. There was a ratty old couch shoved into the corner and that had officially become Bella's spot. Jacob camped out on the floor, body twisted in many interesting way as he dug around on the motorbikes, twisting and tweaking. He explained what he was doing a lot of the time, keeping up a steady chatter that made Bella relax. He never asked questions, but he had a way of leaving his sentences open ended that suggested Bella always had an opportunity to respond. If she wanted to.

It was nice. Really nice.

And Jacob never seemed to resent her company. She knew she wasn't the best person to hang around with, but Jacob never accused her of anything. Never forced her to participate. And somehow, that made her want to give him something. A little hope, maybe, that she was still alive, somewhere, around those sharp edges of the blackness that had become her chest. And Jacob made her feel a little better.

It had been almost two weeks since she had found the motorbikes. Jacob had worked diligently, but also slowly. Part of Bella wondered if he was drawing it out for a particular reason. Part of Bella wondered if the motorbikes were just that bad off. But it was Thursday today and that's the reason she had her notebook open, a pen in hand. When she had agreed to participate in the pen pal project between Forks High and La Push High, Ms. Holston had shoved the paperwork through, promoting the project with copious amounts of enthusiasm that made Bella feel slightly faint. Today, Ms. Holston had given her the identification number of the student that she would be writing to and said that she expected a letter from Bella to send on tomorrow – Friday.

The problem was, Bella had no idea what to say.

"Whatcha doing?" Jacob asked, looking up from where he was twisting something on the side of the black motorbike – the one he had claimed for himself.

Bella looked up, startled. It was very rarely that Jacob asked her direct questions, after all. She felt compelled to answer him.

"My English teacher is kind of making me do this pen pal thing between Fork High kids and La Push High kids. For like cultural experience or something. I'm trying to write my first letter, but I have no idea what to say." Bella shifted uncomfortably on the couch, clutching her pen in her hand like a weapon. She looked up at Jacob when he didn't immediately respond to her, only to see his mouth half-open.

It occurred to her that this was probably the most he had ever heard her say at one time. "Jacob?" She asked, timidly.

He popped up, giving Bella a huge smile, all teeth. "Oh, yeah, I heard about that. Embry's in AP English and he's doing it, I think." Jacob rubbed the back of his neck, sheepishly. "I didn't want to take the time to, really."

Oh.

Bella immediately felt guilty. Jacob hadn't done this pen pal thing because he was working on her motorbikes. For her.

"Oh, Jake, I'm sorry. I don't mean to take up your time." Bella was standing up now, fumbling with her papers, desperate to get them back into her book bag before the tears started falling.

"Wait, wait! Bella, I didn't mean that." Jacob was standing up now, a good few inches taller than her, all legs. He grasped her right shoulder, hands warm against her long sleeve t-shirt. Bella stopped, staring at his arm. He dropped his hand, embarrassed, but persisted. "Don't go."

Bella slowly folded herself back on the couch, her shoulder burning. She looked up into Jacob's dark brown eyes and gave him a small half-smile beneath the curtains of her hair.

Jacob had no idea that he had been the first one to touch her in a long time.

* * *

 _Hi,_

 _I mean, I don't think that's probably a good way to start a letter that's supposed to improve my writing enthusiasm. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what I'm doing._

 _I'm not a very good conversationalist. I don't really… talk much._

 _They didn't really tell us what to talk about in these letters, so I'm not really sure what to talk about. That sounds really bad, doesn't it? It sounds like I'm the kind of person that always has to be told what to do._

 _I don't think I am that person. If I am, I don't want to be._

 _When I was a kid, I always took care of my mom. She's a single mother, y'know. She's so scatterbrained. She couldn't cook. By the time I was ten I was mailing out the bills for her. I don't mean this in a bad way, but I think I'm responsible. Sometimes, I hate the idea that I have to be responsible. Because I've been such a good girl my whole life, it feels impossible to do anything that's…slightly reckless._

 _I just want to find myself, y'know? I just want to get rid of this…this alien that's inside of my chest. But at the same time, I don't know what I am without it._

 _I didn't mean to rant like that._

 _Thanks, I guess_

* * *

Bella was once again chewing on her lip. She was sitting in the cab of her truck, her green rain jacket tucked around her, the heat on high. She wanted to drive out to Jacob's house, but it was Friday and she had been there every day after school for the past week and she didn't want to crowd him. She didn't want him to get sick of her.

And he would probably have plans. Why would a teenage boy that's as handsome as Jacob not have plans? She thought of his shoulders, straining against his teen shirt as he tightened a bolt on the back of the red motorbike – her motorbike.

Jacob was so peaceful, so cheerful, and so easy to understand. Yet, he kept coming up with these odd tidbits of advice that made Bella rethink everything she had previously thought about him. After he had touched her shoulder, his hand so human against her t-shirt, she really wanted him to touch her again.

It wasn't a sexual thing, but this little piece of her that craved human contact. She had given up so many things to this monster in her chest. It felt like Jacob had given her something back. Her ability to be affectionate – her affection for him.

It had been two weeks and Bella knew that she was getting attached. They had searched for parts for the motorbikes – for the Rabbit that he was rebuilding from scratch. He was constantly teasing her, but it wasn't an uncomfortable ribbing. It was easy. It was light.

It made her feel like she was tainting him. Just a little. But it wasn't enough to make her want to stop seeing him.

Making her decision, she jerked her truck into gear and headed to La Push, the tiny scrapings of her heart that were fighting against the monster taking over her willing him to be home.

And he was. As soon as she turned the key off in her truck, he had poked his head out from the tree line that led to his make-shift garage and gave her a smile that filled her. It was warm and fuzzy, like the unrefrigerated coke that he handed her as she sat down in her spot.

"I didn't know if I would see you today." Jacob said, sitting on the floor cross legged in front of her, the red motorbike leaning against its stand angled to the side of him. He wasn't looking at it though. He was looking at her. "I thought you might have plans."

"I never have plans." Bella admitted, staring at her hands. His eyes were burning her. But it felt nice. It felt like a better version of the warm, carbonated drink curling across her insides.

"Well," Jacob said, easily. "We'll just have to change that."

"What?"

"Quil and Embry, my friends, they're stopping over today to look at the bikes. I didn't tell them you brought them, of course, but Embry's really good with bikes and he's been just annoying me to death to come see them." Jacob looked up from the part he was fiddling with in his hands. "If you don't mind, because I can send them away."

"No, I don't mind." But Bella did mind. Selfish Bella did anyway. She wanted his attention. She wanted his smiles. And she knew that if his friends came, he would forget about her. She would get left behind.

She was so tired of being forgotten. She was so tired of not being able to keep up.

Jacob gave her a searching look, like he knew what she was thinking. Bella ducked her head and started picking at the skin around her fingernails.

Jacob started up his steady stream of chatter and her responses were automatic, unlike the last few days where she had been able to give him something back.

It had only been a few minutes when there were obvious signs of someone or someones coming through the tree line. Jacob looked at her briefly, straight into her eyes, and something about his expression relaxed some of the trembling that had begun in her lower legs.

"Jake?" An unfamiliar voice called.

"In the garage."

Quil and Embry were not what Bella had expected. They marched into the garage, very much like they owned it and it was their special space too, not just Jacob and Bella's. She half-resented them. However, when they saw her and introduced themselves, she found it very hard to resist them. They reminded her too much of Jacob, in a warm fuzzy way. Like coke.

"I'm Quil." He purposely flexed his bicep as he shook her hand and she felt something pull at her throat. For a second, she almost felt like she would throw up on his feet. But then she realized that she had giggled. A small, little burst of hope had escaped her throat. Quil looked pleased.

Jacob watched her, his eyes warm and wonderful.

"Hi, um, I'm Embry." He ducked his head and after he shook her hand, he shoved in harshly into the pocket of his jeans. She liked him. She liked the soft blush that took over his russet colored skin. It reminded her of herself.

Before she was damaged.

"I'm – my name is Bella." She said, somehow wanting them to know who she was. She wanted them to remember her name. The same way she had wanted Jacob to remember her name. But in a different way. She didn't understand herself.

"We know." Quil chuckled. "Jake never shuts up about you."

Jacob reached over and cuffed his friend on the back of his head, looking slightly angry. But she saw the teasing beneath the set of his lips.

It made her feel nice that Jacob talked about her. Wanted his friends to know about her.

She smiled.

Jacob smiled back.

Quil and Embry settled in. Quil sprawled out on the couch next to Bella, all arms and legs. Embry found a place on the floor, crouched over the red motorbike.

"That one is mine." She found herself telling Embry. He looked up at her, all eyes and ears, and gave her this look that wasn't mockery or disgust, but friendly and open. Quil shifted on the couch, the smallest amount. Closer to her.

Jacob's eyes were lighter as he looked at her and he reached out a hand and patted her calf, his skin warm against the denim.

She felt, for the first time in a long time, like she belonged.

* * *

 _Hi,_

 _I think "Hi" is an excellent way to start a letter. I'm not quite sure what I'm doing either. And I'm not a proficient conversationalist, believe me. My friends, well, they're really loud and most of the time I'm not really needed. At least my voice, I mean._

 _I think everyone wants to be told want to do, sometimes. Especially in situations where they are uncomfortable or don't have the experience to deal with it. It's not a bad thing to want advice. But I think it'd be better to know what you want and what you would do and why you want it and why you would do it before you ask for the advice._

 _That was a really long sentence._

 _My mom's a single mother, too. She sounds like the opposite of yours though. She's kind of a control freak. I wish a lot of times that she would just give me room to breathe. I know that she's just worried. She wants me to make better decisions than she did._

 _I never knew my father, but when I was a kid I always pretended that he was like a superhero or something. Stupid, I know. But a part of me still wants to believe it. It's better than the whole jackass who abandoned my pregnant mom story, anyways._

 _You're a girl, right? Well, I'm not very good a talking to girls. My friend, he's got this friend that's a girl and he's very attached to her. She just came out of a really bad break up though and I think he shouldn't push it, but he doesn't listen to me. What do you think?_

 _I think these letters are for rants, actually. And if they aren't, let's make them. I am officially the person you can rant all your troubles too. I mean, if you want._

 _Bye, I guess_


	2. Chapter 2

_Just A Girl_

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Summary: Bella gets a new English teacher. It changes everything. New Moon AU. Imprint.

* * *

It had gotten easier.

Bella started cooking dinner again. Her hands were covered in flour on Wednesday night when the phone rang. Charlie moved from his recliner like he was going to answer it, but she reached over to pick up the receiver instead. He paused at the doorway, watching her.

She knew that he was worried about her. She also knew that he had given up on her, to some extent. She also knew that she was doing better. And she desperately wanted it to keep getting better.

But she was afraid. The more the hole instead of her chest closed up, the more she felt like she was betraying him – Edward. Betraying what they had.

"Hello?"

"Bells?" It was a warm voice, enthusiastic but not so cheerful that she felt like a ghost.

"Jake?"

"Hey, yeah. I know it's super short notice, but the guys and I are headed to Port A to see that new zombie movie. I was wondering if… maybe you wanted to come?" He sounded unsure. Bella didn't like it when Jacob sounded unsure of himself.

She realized in that moment that she didn't like it when she made Jacob sound unsure of himself. She didn't want to be that person that made people afraid to be themselves around her. She didn't want to trap anyone in a cage like they had trapped her.

"Sure." She said, softly. Did she ever speak any way but softly anymore, she wondered.

"Awesome!" His cheer was back full force. "We're taking Quil's mom's car. It'll fit all of us. I'll pick you up at 6:30?"

"Okay." She said.

"Okay." He said.

They stood there, on opposite sides of the phone lines. She could hear him breathing.

"I should go get changed." She said, finally. "I'm covered in flour."

"I didn't know you cooked anymore."

"I've… I've started again." She said. It had felt like such an accomplishment in her head. Like a huge hurdle that she had jumped. It wasn't until she had spoken it out loud that she realized how insignificant it was. Jacob wouldn't understand.

"That's great, Bella." There was no judgement in his voice. Only pride. He was proud… of her? "You'll have to make me something sometime. If you want, I mean."

"Definitely." She found herself saying.

"Cool! I'll see you in a bit. Bye."

"Bye."

It was at that moment that Bella realized there wasn't anything about her that Jacob Black hadn't understood.

Yet, at least.

Bella sat the phone in the hook, taking a moment to wipe off the flour handprint from the plastic. She turned to the dough that she had been rolling and covered it, laying it carefully in the refrigerator. When she turned around, Charlie was still there, staring at her.

"Um," She started, unsure. "I'm going out tonight. With Jake and some of his friends. Quil and Embry. I don't know how late…" She trailed off, unsure. She wanted to go. The pieces of her that had broken free from the black hole wanted to go.

But if Charlie refused to let her go, there would be a part of her that would be grateful.

He nodded, his mouth upturned at the corners. "Be careful." He said, turning around to go back to the recliner.

Bella took a shower and brushed her hair. She stared in the mirror, really looking for the first time in a while, and realized that she wasn't dead.

She had never been dead.

She pulled on soft jeans, worn jeans that clung to her in all the right places. They had been shoved in the back of her closet. She didn't remember doing it, but a part of her regretted it now. She lifted a warm emerald green sweater over her head. It was looser than it had been before – she had lost weight, she knew – but it was fitted to her waist, clung to the curve of her breasts. She looked in the mirror and felt pretty for the first time in a long time.

She was on the porch when Jacob pulled up, in the driver's seat. He rolled down the window as she walked off the porch steps. He was grinning.

"You're in the back."

"Okay." She opened the door and slid in. Embry smiled at her, lifting his head from the book he had laid across his lap. She still ignited a blush across his cheeks, but she liked to think he was comfortable with her. That they all were.

Quil hollered his greeting from the passenger seat, turning into the shoulder of the chair to stick his tongue out at her.

She liked to think that she was comfortable with them too.

* * *

 _Hi,_

 _Everyone has something worth saying. I don't ever want to be one of those people that makes others uncomfortable with who they are. Next time you having something to say, say it. I'll… I'll try to do the same, okay? Tell me how it goes._

 _I'm sorry about your dad. But even if he isn't a superhero, it doesn't mean you can't be someday. My mom is so afraid that I will end up like her – married and pregnant at eighteen and have no way out. But I think a lot of people forget that we're not our parents._

 _I think for the first time in my whole life I have genuine friends. I've had friends before… but there was always so many layers between us – so many things I had to be careful of. I don't think I ever really understood friendship until I saw my best friend with his friends. The way they move around each other – it's kind of like magnates. They know what each other is thinking. I want that. I want to be a part of it._

 _I don't know if I'm able, though. I don't know if I'm capable of giving enough of myself. If I have enough of myself left to give._

 _About your friends… I'm not the best person to give advice, but I think he shouldn't give up on her. It's hard to move on when everyone gives up on you. But he shouldn't overwhelm her. Be her friend. Let her come to you. Make sure she knows that she's not alone and she has someone to talk to, even if she never takes them up on the offer._

 _That's what I want. That kind of what I have. Almost._

 _And I agree to your terms. But you get to rant to me, too. I'm tired of one-sided relationships._

 _Thanks_

* * *

Jacob, Quil, and Embry were sprawled out in the living room. Bella was in the kitchen, taking the cookies out of the oven. It was only a matter of time before one of the boys came in to steal one off the pan, fresh from the oven. Bella leaned against the counter, contemplating.

The motorbikes were almost ready. At least that's what Jacob said.

She had spent the past week with Jacob. Immersed in his life. Quil and Embry seemed to have wormed their way into the silent, desperate not to be one-sided anymore, relationship that Bella and Jacob had formed in his garage. They had sat together week nights to do homework. Quil was taking biology this term and loved the idea of dissecting frogs. Embry was excellent at English – Bella had found a new enthusiasm reading over his homework. Jacob had a knack for math that Bella made good use of – softly, at last. He would see her struggling over her Calculus and Jacob would be there. To help. Like he seemed to have been doing so easily the past three weeks.

But she felt so silent compared to the three boys that had taken up shop in her heart. Mechanics, all of them. Desperate to fix things.

Jacob wanted to fix her.

And Bella wanted to let him.

"Are they done yet?" Quil hollered from the living room. Bella smiled.

"Almost!" She called, half-laughing. A silent laugh. Her belly moved from the expression of it.

Jacob peaked his head around the corner at her. She turned towards him, smiling.

He moved fully into the kitchen. He had grown in the last few days. An inch, at least, she thought. Her head came up neatly to his neck.

Sometimes, she fantasied about hugging him. They had hugged before – lightly, his hand careful. But she thought about really hugging him. Pressing her body so it was directly in line with his, her face cradled in the spot between his collarbone and the curve of his ear. She could almost feel the way his hair would tickle her cheek.

"I just wanted to check on you." He shuffled his feet, embarrassed. His shoulders bent under his t-shift. His hands found an anchor in the pocket of his jeans.

"I'm okay." Bella said. And for once, she wasn't lying.

"I'm glad." He said, his eyes suddenly focused directly into hers. They were a warm brown, golden around the edges. Not like Edward's eyes, which had been like molten honey. But a warm golden brown – like the leaves once they had fallen off the trees in autumn. Like exposed bark on a pine tree. "I'm glad you're doing better." He clarified.

Bella's breath caught in her throat. It had been three weeks. And she was better. She was so much better. Jacob, his steady smiles and fleeting touches has stitched up the hole in her chest. It was still there. She could feel it. But it was not gaping anymore.

 _I'm sorry, Edward._ She thought.

Was she really sorry, though? Edward had left her. He had told her to forget. Was is so bad to do what he wanted her? Just one more time.

Jacob would never know how much he had helped her. And she hadn't even ridden her red motorbike yet. But he was fixing it for her – fixing her motorbike just like he was fixing her.

"Thank you." She breathed. It was so soft that she wondered, fearfully, if he had even heard it. The soft little lines on above his brow relaxed – his whole face softened as he gazed at her. "Thank you." She repeated, louder, encouraged by his response.

He needed to know that she needed him.

"Anytime, Bells." He's voice was slightly thick.

She took a hesitant step forward, imagining him curled around her – his arms strapped around her waist like a warm protective layer that she could relax into.

The timer beeped. The moment was ruined.

She pulled the cookies out of the oven.

* * *

"What are you reading?" Bella asked Embry, softly. Like always.

She had folded herself on the couch next to him, close enough that she could feel the heat radiating from him – not close enough to touch. Her knees were tucked closely under chin. Her hands were clenching her calves. She wondered why the most comfortable position for her now-a-days was defensive.

Embry looked up from his book, his hair falling in his face. He lifted it from its resting position in his lap, where he had been bending over it, to show her the cover. Her eyebrows creased.

"I've never read that."

Embry was watching her. "Do you read a lot?"

"I used to." She confessed, pinching her fingers around the denim curled around her calves. She glanced away from him, searching for Jacob in the room. He and Quil were right where she left them, sprawled out on the floor of Quil's living room, game controllers held in their fists. The volume of the game wasn't up horribly loud.

Bella wondered if they did it on purpose. Embry read all the time, she had discovered.

"I used to read a lot." She followed up, feeling traitorous to herself in lack of reading.

"Why did you stop?" He asked her, flushing the hair from his eyes.

She paused, watching Jacob bite his lip in concentration as he battled some large, muscular foe on the television.

"My last relationship," And _oh god_ that hurt to say. She felt like her whole body was burning. She watched Jacob's fingers, smooth, steady on the game controller. "Was kind of co-dependent." She felt the awful urge to laugh at herself.

"What do you mean?" Embry pressed, turning himself to her.

Jacob glanced away from the television and saw her staring at him. He grinned at her, his teeth flashing white. She smiled back.

Bella angled her body to Embry, somehow wanting him to understand. She looked at his fingers, wrapped around the spine of his book. It was thick. Probably three-hundred pages, she thought.

"I had never had a boyfriend before." She found herself saying, eyes focused on the curve of the paper in Embry's hands. "And suddenly, this boy wanted me." It felt so odd to call Edward a boy. But wasn't it true? Wasn't the whole definition of their relationship defined by the fact that she was a girl and he was a boy? Not a woman and a man. "Me. At my old school, in Phoenix, there were so many kids. So many girls that were so much prettier than me." She shifted in her seat, her back aching. "It wasn't so much that I was jealous of them. Because I wasn't. I was okay with myself, in my skin. I had accepted my faults, y'know? But I also knew that I would never have the same opportunities as them – at least romantically. Boys never looked twice at me." She moved her eyes from Embry's book to look at her own hands, clutching onto her jeans. "And suddenly, I was here and I was new and Ed…" She took a breath, feeling the god-awful burn in her chest. She forced the name. "…Edward looked at me. Wanted to be with me. I think a part of me agreed in the first place – was okay with him wanting to be with me – because I thought that this was my only shot. Because it felt like a favor – a girl like me with a boy like him? It never happens. But as it processed, so much of my time was his. We did everything together. He was constantly at my side. I didn't have any other friends – besides the members of his family. I don't remember feeling caged." She confessed. "But I know now that I was. I constantly felt like I didn't measure up. That I had to sacrifice anything of myself that he didn't like as a … as a payment for him loving me. And when he… when he left me." She was going to start crying, she knew she was. Please, don't cry. "He told me he didn't want me. That I was just a way to pass the time before his family moved on. And a part of me knew that… but another part, I just… he acknowledged and proved all of my fears were fact. I think that was the hardest part. By that time, I didn't know how to live without him. He had… had taken so much of my identity that I didn't – don't know who I am anymore."

As she took a breath, she realized how silent the whole room had become. She looked up and meet three pairs of dark eyes. Embry, she realized, was shaking. His whole body looked like it was vibrating.

"Are you okay?" She asked immediately, reaching out a hand to Embry.

He shook himself, his whole expression screamed angry. She had never seen Embry look anything but shy or goofy. He was never this intense. As her fingers curled around her arm, his body slowly stilled.

The three of them were still watching her. She felt freakish. Why had she said all of that? Of course they hadn't wanted to know. Of course they thought she was crazy.

Oh god.

She jumped up, her feet slipping slightly on the carpet and walked quickly to the general direction of the front door. She didn't know the layout of Quil's house very well, but she found it quickly enough and had just managed to get the doorknob turned with a hand reached out and curled around her shoulder. She knew just by the touch that it was Jacob.

"Don't go." He said.

She didn't.

Instead, she turned to look at him. It wasn't until that moment she realized her cheeks were wet with tears. She looked up at him, not knowing what to say.

In two steps, he had her in his arms.

And she had envisioned it perfectly. She took a deep breath of his scent – a warm musky scent, like pine trees and rain, and something softer that was just Jacob.

She had never hugged a boy like this before. Or rather, a boy had never hugged her like this before.

She clung to him and he held her.

"It's okay." He breathed into her hair. "I'm right here."

And she believed him.

* * *

 _Hi,_

 _I'll try to take your advice and talk more – at least when I actually have something worth saying._

 _Adults are kind of stupid sometimes, aren't they? I think they just forget how intense everything is for us – at our age. I mean, I've taken biology. I know that all those hormones are a part of it. There is a certain amount of self-control that I think it's just idiotic for adults to expect us to have. But our parents want better for us than they had. I can understand that._

 _Friends are very, very important. I would die for mine. I mean, I've never told them that. But I think they would die for me too. We've been together since we were babies – they're my brothers. I would never leave them behind, no matter what they did. I'm the unofficial life guard though, if that makes sense. Basically, when they fuck up – I fix it. I don't really mind, it's been that way since we were kids._

 _I've never been able to make friends, really friends, beyond the one's I've had since I was a kid, so I think I understand. But my mom always said that if you want to be friends with someone, you have to give something of yourself to them – and they will give you something back. And then it's all about trust and enjoying each other's company._

 _I'll pass the message along. The guy that dumped her – I kind of want to kill him. I got so mad the other day when she was hanging with us and started talking about their relationship. I don't understand how a guy could just leave her like that. And she's a really nice girl. A little bent around the edges, but she's getting better. I think my friend has been really good for her. She's beautiful too – and she thinks she like second best. Why do all the jerks get the worthwhile girls?_

 _Bye_


	3. Chapter 3

_Just A Girl_

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Summary: Bella gets a new English teacher. It changes everything. New Moon AU. Imprint.

* * *

"Quil wanted to paint them." Jacob started nervously, looking from her face to the two finished motorbikes he had just pulled out of the back of her truck. They were in a wooded area with a nice path that Jacob had said was perfect for a first ride. "I didn't think they needed it. I think it gives 'em character, all chipped and worn. But we can paint them, if you want."

"No." Bella said, immediately. "I agree with you."

He grinned at her. "Well, are you ready?'

"Yeah." She was smiling, anticipation bubbling in her gut. She was dressed responsibly, in a pair of tough blue jeans and a thick long sleeve sweater. It wasn't particularly cold outside – not warm either – but she figured thicker clothes would help when she inevitably fell off. Jacob was wearing a worn pair of dark jeans and a black t-shirt that curled across his shoulders. His hair was tied back and Bella missed the ability to brush it from his eyes.

In the past few days – the last few days of motorbike rehabilitation – something had changed between her and Jacob. She kind of liked it.

They touched a lot more. When they moved, he was constantly finding way to touch her. They were innocent. Nothing outrageously sexual. When he would walk passed her or around her, he always rested a hand briefly on her hip or her waist. And he would throw his arm over her shoulder when they sat on the couch together. And just yesterday, when they had been in Billy's living room watching television and eating pizza with his father and her father, he had sat on the floor to give her and Charlie the couch. But he had shifted so he was leaning up against her calves, his back firm against her legs. She had unconsciously reached to thread her fingers through his hair, she remembered. She thought for sure that Charlie had noticed, but he hadn't said anything. Jacob hadn't said anything about these little changes either. Bella wondered what he thought. She wondered what she thought of them too.

However traitorous she felt to Edward, she found herself wondering if Jacob was going to kiss her.

She wondered what it would feel like. His lips would be soft and warm. Everything about him was warm. He would hold her like he had that day at Quil's house. But it would be different – more passionate, less her crying on his shirt. Her mouth wouldn't form to his, she thought. His wouldn't form to her either. They would mold to each other.

"Okay, so this is the clutch…" Jacob began, twisting around her and the red motorbike to point out various things that Bella should remember. She paid attention, trying to ignore the warmth of his hand resting on her hip. "Do you want to give it a go?" He asked, eyes dancing.

Bella gave him an apprehensive smile. "Sure."

She gripped the handlebars in her fist. Jacob stepped away from her, giving advice every now and then. She stomped her foot down, on the gas. And away she went.

 _Oh._

It was exhilarating.

She wasn't going extraordinarily fast, but the wind was whipping through her hair and for the first time in her whole life, she felt like she was actually in control of something.

She could hear Jacob give a whoop of joy behind her.

The crash was very sudden and not un-expected – for Bella at least. Jacob leaned over her, eyes frantic.

"Are you okay?" He grasped her face, his hands warm on her cheeks. There was something flowing from her forehead onto her brow, but she ignored it, staring at Jacob.

She smiled at him, not an ounce of softness in the lines. It was a big, bold smile. A statement.

Jacob stared at her in shock. And then he laughed, a relieved sound. He pulled her up from the ground and towards him, holding her close. She pressed her head into his shoulder. The fabric of his t-shirt got wet with blood from her head wound, but that couldn't ruin this moment.

"Oh, god, Jake." She spit between her own peels of laughter. She was laughing.

In the past weeks she had started giving soft sounds of amusement – the giggle in the garage, a snort every now and again. But this was fully belly laughter, curling up her throat and into his t-shirt.

She could feel Jacob on all sides of her, surrounding her with his scent, his presence.

"We should probably take you to the hospital." He said finally, a smile in his voice. "I think you need stitches."

* * *

"Quil and Embry are going to get a kick out of this." She muttered to Jacob on the way home from the emergency room. She hadn't seen the two boys in a few days.

Jacob stiffened in the driver's seat.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked immediately, turning towards him. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. He reached, slowly, over to her with one of his hands. She grasped it without hesitation.

Something about crashing a motorbike had released something inside of her.

"Embry hasn't been at school in a few days. Well, since you saw him last, actually. I saw him this morning, though. He was with Sam Uley." Jacob seemed upset about it. Really upset. Bella didn't understand.

"Who's Sam Uley?"

"He think he's like _the shit_ , y'know." He glanced at her again when he said that.

She had long ago gotten used to his lack of language filter. She kind of respected it at times. He had an apt way of describing certain things in their reality.

"He went missing for like a month. Everyone was super worried and stuff. His girlfriend, Leah, was like putting posters everywhere and working with the police and stuff. She was super freaked. And then he just shows up, completely fine, looking like he's been on steroids. He wouldn't tell anyone where he had been or anything. But like, Leah's cousin Emily had come down to help search for him. He took one look at her and like had to have her or some shit. He broke up with Leah and he and Emily are living together."

"Wow." Bella said.

"But he just keeps collected guys for his gang. And they walk around like they own the damn place." Jacob huffed angrily. "And he watches me, like he's waiting for me to lose it or something."

Bella didn't know what to say. It sounded like drugs. But she knew Embry. He would never do drugs. He was too smart for that.

"Are you sure Embry…?" She trailed off, not knowing how to finish her sentence.

Jacob made a sound low in his throat that made Bella squeeze his hand. "I know! It's not like him. He just abandoned us. I've been trying to call him the past three days and he just ignored me. Quil went over there and his mom said that he was on some kind of tribal voyage or some spiritual shit for the counsel. I asked dad and he's like 'stay out of matters that don't concern you, Jacob.'" He imitated Billy's big voice. "But it does concern me. Embry's my best friend."

"But if they're doing drugs, wouldn't Billy…" Bella started, feeling a knot form in her stomach. She liked Embry. She cared about Embry. She hated seeing Jacob so upset. It made her upset.

"That's the thing!" Jacob ranted, parking the car in her driveway. He was breathing heavy. He turned to her, looking at her straight in the eyes. His eyes were darker than she'd ever seen them. "Dad thinks Sam's _the shit_ too."

"Oh." Bella said, tonelessly.

Jacob looked heartbroken under his mask of anger.

Her head hurt – the stitches pulsed with heat. She moved across the bench seat to Jacob's side and pressed herself against him. Their hands tangled in his lap. He wrapped his arm around her and held her tightly to his chest. She leaned her ear against the hollow of his throat. He was careful not to crush her stitches with his chin as he pressed his lips to her hair.

He had kissed her today, but it wasn't on the lips. And it wasn't happily.

Jacob was worried and so was Bella.

"You're not going to join, right?" She asked, softer. Her lips brushed his skin as she spoke.

"Never." He vowed, pressing his face back into her hair.

She breathed out in relief. "You promise?" She asked.

"I promise." He hesitated for a moment, twisting his fingers tighter against hers. "I'm not going to leave you."

"Good." She said, louder. Bolder.

Jacob kissed her again, on the top of her head.

* * *

 _Hi_

 _I think you're right, about adults. They just forget what it's like. My dad is that way. He loves me, I know he does. But I think he lost faith in me this year. I want to give it back to him, but he doesn't trust me not go psycho, I guess. He wants the best for me. But sometimes it's not just about forcing your kids to do things because it will make them better people. It also about being there for them when they make decisions that make them worse people – and talking them through how to get out of it. Never giving up on them._

 _I'm pretty sure I've been a bad daughter the past few months, but I'm trying. I don't know how to tell him that without outright saying it. And we both know how great I am with words._

 _I envy your friendship. But I also think that if you're constantly fixing all their mistakes, what are they going to do when you're not there? I'm not saying you will abandon them or anything. But life is unpredictable. Anything can happen. Maybe the reason you guys are such good friends is because you all have these roles that you fit into – like my best friend and his friends. He's the leader, the one that holds them together, and his other friend is the mediator, that makes sure no one does anything ridiculously stupid, and the last one is the comic-relief, that turns the heavy topics into brighter futures, that gives everyone hope. I'm not sure where I fit in, besides the girl with the broken heart that keeps weighing everyone down. But I am trying._

 _I am trying._

 _I'm trying to give them something of myself. I hope that they will accept it. It scary. The last time I tried to love someone, they shoved it back at me. They took it, stomped on it, and told me to forget about them. And I can't even bring myself to be angry. I think if I was mad it would be easier. But I was just so sad and then I felt numb and now I just feel caged inside of this pain. I'm slowly breaking free, but it's taking so long. I want to be angry._

 _All the jerks get the worthwhile girls because the worthwhile boys are too busy letting the worthwhile girls cry on their shoulders instead of reminding them that they love them and they are worth more than what they are being given._

 _I kind of wish he would love me._

 _Thanks_

* * *

Bella stood in the kitchen, eyes watching the phone almost obsessively. It had been a few days since she had talked to Jacob. The two of them and Quil had headed to Port A for another movie a few nights before and Jacob had felt very feverish to her. Jacob had told it was nothing, kissing her head when he dropped her off, Quil laughing from the passenger seat of the Rabbit. She had called him, to make sure he got home, and Billy had said he was sick. She had offered to bring him something to eat or help out with something, but Billy had told her not to, in a stern voice than she had ever heard from the man.

She was worried. It had been days. Jacob hard hardly gone a day without seeing her. And if they didn't see each other, they would talk on the phone. However brief.

It had been almost two months with him. Jacob and Bella. Jake and Bells. Quill and Embry had wormed their way into her heart – or rather, she had wormed her way into their group.

But something had happened with Embry and Jacob had been upset so Bella had been upset.

And now Jacob was sick and wouldn't talk to her.

She chewed her fingernails.

She just wanted to hear his voice. Even a raspy, "I'm fine" from the telephone lines would be okay. She just needed to assure herself that he wasn't ignoring her – even if he was ill.

She felt selfish.

She signed, stirring the cooking pasta on the stove. She had worked after school and had come home immediately to start dinner – after all, Jacob was too ill to see her. She had a lot of homework to do as well.

She missed their homework days. She could really do with some help in Calculus. Jacob was a freak mathematician.

Charlie came in, shaking off the rain, taking off his heavy boots by the door.

"Hey, Bells." He gave her a brief smile. She smiled back.

She was trying after all.

"I saw Jake today." He had turned around to pull of his coat. Bella stiffened. "He looked alright – boy, has he gotten tall. I waved at him, but I guess he didn't see me." He turned around, not seeing Bella's blank expression. "What's for dinner?'

Bella cleared her throat. "Spaghetti."

Charlie gave a general nose of agreement and lumbered up the stairs to change out of his work clothes. Bella fell to the kitchen floor, pulling her knees up to her chest. She leaned her head back against the cabinet doors.

So, Jake was ignoring her. He wasn't sick. At least from what Charlie said.

But why? They had been doing so well – she had been doing so well. She knew when she started this whole motorcycle thing that Jacob wanted more from her than friendship, but he had never pushed her. Ever. He had just been a friend. A polite, sunny friend that warmed her from the inside. He had never asked her for more. But he gave what she asked for, however unspoken it was. They had become more affectionate in the last few weeks – she had opened up to him. She had _wanted_ him.

Bella had thought Jacob had seen that. He had to have seen that. She had almost been ready.

She wasn't sure how much of herself she had left to give, but she had been willing to give it to Jacob.

Wasn't it her pen pal friend that said to have a friend you have to give something of yourself to them so that they came give something to you back and the rest is just trust and enjoying each other's company? Hadn't it been that way with Jacob? Granted, he had given something of himself first, but she had tried! She had told them – Embry, Quil, and Jacob – about Edward. She had laughed with Jacob. Jacob made her smile.

He made her feel free.

So why would he just leave her? He had promised not to.

But she had learned that people hardly ever kept their promises – boys especially. And Jacob was a boy. Like Edward was a boy. Like she was a girl.

She didn't want to be a girl anymore! She didn't want to be _that_ girl. The one that was so easily abandoned.

If Jacob wanted to leave her, he could go ahead. She had survived it once, she could do it again. No matter how painful.

She pushed herself up from the kitchen floor, brushed herself off, raised her chin in determination, and drained the pasta. If there were a few tears falling down the drain too, well, it was no matter.

Bella had decided that this was it. She was done being _that_ girl.

* * *

It was pouring rain.

Bella maneuvered her truck on the slick roads with practiced ease. She was going to La Push. It wasn't firmly a decision to see Jacob – to ask him why or to talk some sense into him. It was more the fact that she had left all of her cookie sheets at his house and she was due to donate a bunch of cookies for a bake sale that Angela had put together to raise money for prom.

She hadn't wanted to volunteer herself, but she was desperate for something to do. And Angela had been a good friend to her the past week. Her week without Jacob.

She had thought about trying to call Quil, but hadn't. She was worried that he wouldn't want to talk to her either. She was worried because Quil hadn't really been her friend, but Jacob's friend. She was just there by association.

She had considered Quil a friend – but what mattered was if Quil considered her a friend. And she was pretty sure that wasn't it.

Besides, Angela had just broke up with her boyfriend Ben and had called Bella out of the blue for a shopping trip in Port A. Bella, without nothing to do and desperately trying to keep the stitches Jacob had woven into her heart from popping out, had agreed. And they had clicked.

Bella had wondered as she was walking through the Port A mall with Angela why they hadn't been better friends before. And then she had remembered the Cullens.

Bella was terrified of getting close to another person, but it couldn't be helped. Angela had picked her out and Bella was better now. Better because of Jacob.

She felt like a real person again. So even if Jacob wanted to abandon her – she would always be grateful.

Bella and Angela had a sleepover last night and she had gotten roped into baking cookies because Angela had asked and Bella couldn't say no.

Because Angela was so nice and hadn't given up on her.

So here she was, driving the little road to La Push that she had come to know like the back of her hand to get cookie sheets. She was holding in the jolts of anticipation that flared whenever she thought of her destination.

It was Saturday. It was very possible that Jacob was home. The last several Saturdays Jacob and Bella would sit in his garage. Jacob would work and Bella would write her letters. They would talk or they would sit in comfortable silences. Jacob would sit on the couch with her, his arm around her shoulders sometimes. They would pop the tops of fuzzy warm sodas that filled her belly with a warm, homey feeling.

Bella didn't realize she was crying until she was in the driveway of the little red house. Red like the little red motorbike that Jacob proclaimed was hers – the more girly one. She remembered the feeling of his hands on her hands as she sat on the motorbike, all ears waiting for her chance at freedom.

She harshly wiped her eyes and pulled the visor down to make sure her face didn't look too puffy. There were dark circles around her eyes, but they had become a steady presence.

The nightmares had returned when Jacob had left.

She hated feeling like she was dependent on someone else. _I am my own person._ She twisted her fingers through her brown curls, popped the visor back in place, and opened the door of her truck. The rain pelted down on her and she rushed to the covered area near the door. Her red shirt was already spotted with rainwater. She knocked once.

There was shuffling inside and whispering. She shifted her weight, uncomfortable. She had never been uncomfortable here before.

The door swung open and Billy sat there, staring up at her with hard eyes.

She had called consistently for days after Jacob's disappearance in her life. She had stopped that night Charlie had said he had seen Jacob, healthy. She supposed, however, Billy might be upset with her for her persistence when Jacob had just been trying to tell her to leave him alone.

"Bella." Billy's voice was low, but firm. She remembers his soft smiles the night Jacob had leaned into her legs, her hands in his hair. She remembered his compliments when she had baked chocolate chip cookies. She remember him chuckling every time she accidentally tripped over thin air on the way through the living room.

"Hi," She said softly – softer than she had spoken in a while. She wiped off a raindrop that was making its way down her forehead. "I'm sorry for bothering you. But I left my cookie sheets here, back when…" She cut herself off, unable to voice the end of her thought. Her throat felt too small. She cleared it. "I would just like to retrieve them, if possible."

Half of her wanted to him why she wanted the cookie sheets now. She wanted to say how her friend Angela was doing this fundraiser for prom and she had promised to make cookies for the sale because she had an inability to say no to people that believed in her. And she could almost see him, back when things were still okay between her and Jacob, laugh at her and remind her that she was just a good person.

Billy cleared his throat, turning to look into the door where Bella couldn't see from her position. She resisted the idea of peering around the corner. She was better than that.

She wondered if it was Jacob Billy was looking at.

"Of course, Bella." Billy's voice was soft as he turned back to her. He looked, almost, guilty. "Just a minute." He rolled away from the door and it shut in her face.

Bella ignored the rain pouring around her, the wind hitting sharply against the back of her knees. A few weeks ago, Billy would have invited her in – out of the rain and the wind.

There was a crash from inside. She jumped and looked to the window, concerned. The curtains were pulled. Shouting started, but she couldn't make out the words.

Suddenly, the door banged open and someone jerked passed her. His shoulder brushed against her and she gasped. His skin was much too warm, even through the cotton of her long sleeved shirt. At her gasp, he turned to look at her sharply.

She stepped away from him, on instinct. Unfortunately, the step backwards propelled her off the porch step. In the instant that she realized her mistake, warm arms curled around her.

"Embry." She said, softly. Was she going to be soft again? Forever?

He didn't speak, but he held her for just a second. His arms were warm where they were wrapped around her, protective. He was shiftless, she realized, and so much taller. Embry had been taller than Jacob the last time she had seen him. Now her head barely reached his shoulder. She felt like a child.

"Be more careful." He finally said, gruffly, looking away from her finally. He unwrapped his arms and in an instant was rushing towards the woods that surrounded the Black property.

Bella wasn't crazy. Embry had looked, just for a second, like he was going to cry.

She turned back towards the door, but it was still shut. There were whispers, harsh, consonants unintelligible from where she stood.

She turned around and walked back towards her truck.

She would buy new cookie sheets.

* * *

 _Hi_

 _Has your world ever been turned completely upside down? Like have you ever gotten some kind of information that instead of putting everything in perspective, took everything out of perspective?_

 _I am trying too. I am really trying. It's so hard right now, to control this new thing I can feel inside of me. I think I understand what you mean, about giving yourself to someone and them leaving you high and dry. Except, I'm on the other side of the equation. It's out of my control._

 _I had so many dreams. I was going to get an English degree from UW. I didn't want to go far. I don't have much money, so I was relying on scholarships. I've kept my GPA up, as much as I'd like to goof around more. I'm good at sports, but I can't rely on that anymore. I didn't want to leave my mom. She's done so much for me; given up so much of her life to raise me. It pains me to consider the possibility that she will think I'm a failure if I never leave this place._

 _I was going to be a writer. I know, tough job, right? But I've always been good at creative writing and I think I see things in people that it takes longer for them to see in themselves, if that makes sense. I don't mean to sound egotistical._

 _But maybe I do. Maybe I want the world to acknowledge that I was good at something and that they shouldn't have taken it away from me._

 _I had wanted to live in Seattle. It's a big city, but it's close to home. I would marry a girl who was real, who had eyes that really were like windows into her soul. I've never really thought about kids, but I think I would have liked to have some. Partly to prove to myself that I would be a better father than my own – that I couldn't fuck up any worse than mine had._

 _How do you handle all of your dreams being taken away?_

 _And, to you, outside of my crisis, I have to say that you're a great girl. A little confused right now, but you'll work it out. You'll find yourself. Any guy would be fucking lucky to have you._

 _Apparently I've gotten my choice taken away in the girl department too._

 _Bye_


	4. Chapter 4

_Just A Girl_

 _Disclaimer: I don't own anything._

Summary: Bella gets a new English teacher. It changes everything. New Moon AU. Imprint.

* * *

It had been two weeks since Bella had seen Embry on the porch steps – felt Jacob's presence inside of the house - and she was trying.

It felt like she was always trying. Constantly trying. Forever trying.

And it was never enough.

The two weeks passed with her holding her chest together for an entirely different reason. All of the pain, all of the abandonment, that had created this huge hole in her chest when Edward had walked away from her in the forest had almost healed. It had been a mare wound, stitched together with sunny smiles, warm sodas, and wonderful brown eyes. It had been like her head wound after Jacob dropped her off at the house, swollen and healing, no longer gaping, no longer gushing blood. She had been mending.

She was still mending, she forced herself to believe.

Angela and Bella had fallen into a friendship that Bella was very careful not to let be one-sided. In the past two weeks they had went shopping together, had a sleepover, baked together, done homework together, and had another sleepover. Not to mention the fact that every day at lunch Bella sat diligently by Angela's side.

It didn't feel like a compromise. It didn't feel like she was forced to be there.

Angela was a sweet girl. She never made Bella talk if she didn't want to. She knew when to listen - when to ask questions. She also knew when to be silent - when to drop the subject. Angela didn't make promises to her and Bella didn't ask her to. Instead, she enjoyed the relief of just having a care-free friend that she could do things with.

Bella had never had a real sleepover before. Angela was angry at Ben, of course, over the resent breakup. She had been annoyed at her twin brothers. Pissed at Jessica and Lauren for taking Ben's side in the matter. Angela had called Bella to get someone on her side. Bella knew how it felt to be alone.

Despite all of the time that Bella had not spent alone, she felt alone inside. She forced herself to continue on the path of mending, but she did it half-heartedly.

It was the middle of the night and Bella wasn't sleeping. She had been avoiding sleep for a while – the nightmares got more and more consistent, vivid, and horrific. She stayed up until her body passed out from exhaustion most nights. Other nights, when she gave into the temptation of her sheets, she woke up screaming. Charlie had rushed in the first night – he had thought she was getting better as the nightmares had stopped and the screaming had stopped. They had started again so suddenly that he hadn't been prepared. But he had just sighed, asked her if she needed anything, and left the room. He didn't come back the next night or the night after.

Bella wondered how long she would be a disappointed. Bella wondered why she was so dependent on other people to keep her sanity.

A part of her despised Edward now. The smaller pieces of her heart that felt the reality of the situation.

She was dressed in a sleeping shirt – a size too large and dark blue. Her underwear was gray. She hadn't brushed her hair after her late night shower and it was in a tangled knot at the base of her neck. She was stretched out on her bed, the light on. The pillow was slightly damp from the drying strands of her hair, but she ignored it. So much of the world felt insignificant anymore.

Bella had started filling out college applications. She had applied to UW after reading the last letter from her pen pal. Her mother had taken it upon herself to email Bella application links to popular universities in the state of Florida. Bella had a feeling that her father was going to encourage that line of thinking soon enough.

Maybe they were right. There wasn't anything in Forks for her anymore. The Cullens were gone and were not coming back. Even if they did come back, it would not be for her. And even if they did come back for her, she had decided, she could not forgive them for what they had done. Or rather, the way they had done it.

And Jacob certainly didn't want her anymore. Embry had seemed so upset when she had seen him – she felt such sadness, an aching for him. If Embry had been in Jacob's house, it had only been logical to assume that Jacob had joined Sam Uley's gang too. Quil would be next, she just knew it. She did not take it upon herself to call him – warn him of the upcoming events.

She'd had enough with interfering.

Maybe she should just go away to Florida. She could go to school full time and live in the dorms – maybe she would make some friends. She could find a job at a little bookstore in town. She'd get a degree in English or history. There was always the possibility of being a teacher, if she could not force herself into a writing career.

The sad thing was that Bella didn't want anything. She had no desires. She was forcing herself to play the role of a high school senior: filling out applications, thinking about possible career plans, picking up extra shifts at work to pay off the future student loan debt.

Bella stretched on her bed, reaching her arms to the walls behind her head and pointing her feet. She had the most diabolical urge to run.

There was a tapping at the window.

Bella froze, her whole body pausing mid-motion in fear. Who was at her window? Edward?

 _Oh god._

She wished that she had turned her light out. If she had, maybe he would have thought she was sleeping and left her alone. But she had left the light on so that she wouldn't go to sleep.

She rolled off the bed, placing two heavy feet on the floor and turned towards the window. She realized she was absolutely terrified at the possibility that it was Edward. She froze again at this new discovering.

While she had decided she could not forgive the Cullens, she had not decided about Edward. Maybe because she tried to avoid thinking of him. But here, right in this moment, she realized that she was terrified that Edward would come sweeping in through her window and want her back. She was terrified that she would say yes.

Edward had always had some gift at talking her into things that she did not want to do.

Did she not want to take Edward back?

He had left her. He had told her that she wasn't good for him – that he did not want her. He had walked her out into the middle of the woods and left her. He knew how uncoordinated she was. He knew what her sense of direction was like. He should have known that in her delusional attempt to stop him from leaving she would try to chase after him, with her clumsy limbs and human speed. But he had done it anyway. That was unforgivable.

She loved him, though. Bella loved him. However, if these last few months had taught her anything it was that sometimes love was not enough. There were other important things. Like trust. Like enjoying each other's company.

She did not – could not – trust Edward. She wasn't the same person she was months ago and she had no idea how she would get along with him now. When she closed her eyes to daydream, she thought of warm, human hands on her waist and room-temperature sodas.

"Bella!" A voice whispered harshly from her window. She moved her tongue from where it had glued itself to the roof of her mouth. That was certainly not Edward's voice. In fact, it sounded a lot like Jacob.

She moved quickly, shoving the window open, her fingernails scraping against the glass. There on the tree, hanging on like an overgrown squirrel was Jacob.

Only it wasn't Jacob. He was too tall, too long, and his hair was too short.

"Move back a bit." He said, in that same raspy whisper. She did.

"Jake." She found her voice. He was standing right there in front of her in her bedroom. All 6'5" of him. Her head would no longer tuck perfectly into the space between his collarbone and his ear. But she would be able to press her face perfectly into the fold of his shoulder. And he was real. She could feel the heat coming off of him in the space between him. His shoulder were huge, filling the space of her bedroom in a way she had never seen before – or thought of. His chest was bare, but muscular, like he was made of mountains. His hair was cropped short, messily so. But there was a little piece that had fallen over his forehead. Without consciously realizing it, she reached forward with one shaking hand to brush it back.

Jacob closed his eyes at her movement, his face peaceful.

She pulled her hand back and just watched him.

"Hiya." He said softly, watching her too with a new intensity that she had never seen before.

His eyes were warm, but guarded. She wondered what he was keeping of himself from her.

"Hi." She said back, because she had learned that it was perfectly acceptable greeting. She had learned a lot of things in the past two months.

"I had to see you." He said, his eyes catching hers. That intensity should have been worrisome, but all Bella could think was how much she loved him at that moment.

 _Oh._

She loved him.

"I called you." She said, thoughtlessly. Watching the small movements of his face and neck as he breathed.

"I know." He sounded tired, defeated. Strangled.

"You never answered. Billy kept telling me to stop calling. So I stopped." She didn't know why she was saying this. He had to have known.

"I know." He said. Of course.

"You're in my bedroom." She said, finally, after a moment of uncomfortable silence. Things had never been uncomfortable between them before. Even after that time when he had accidentally brushed against her breast in the kitchen. They had both froze, but she had just carried on with her movement. After a second, he had as well. Even then, they had been okay.

Would they ever be okay again?

"I am." He said. Bella was getting frustrated with his two word answers.

"After all this time, you show up in my bedroom." She tried to sound angry, but she just sounded sad. The sad girl. That's all she was.

Suddenly, Jacob looked so… angry, tired, stifled. His shoulders hunched. "Fuck, Bella. I wanted to see you so bad. If he had just let me see you." He looked up at her, staring at her face and his eyes dropped downwards, curling over her shoulders, her breasts, her waists, her knees, her ankles.

She realized that she was standing in her underwear in front of him, but he was standing half naked in front of her too.

"Are you okay?" He said, moving closer to her – into her personal space. He looked intense. "Are you…" He didn't know what to say.

"I'm…" Bella shrugged, confused.

"I didn't want to avoid you. God, I promised you I wouldn't leave you." He backed away from her, disgusted at himself. His hand ran through his hair, tugging at the short locks. "I tried to come see you before – I really did. But they kept catching me. And Sam, he can order me to do things and I can't fight him."

Bella was appalled. "No one can tell you what to do." She stated.

Jacob laughed, a harsh sound. "That's what I used to think too."

It was silent for a moment. Bella moved to sit on the end of her bed. She stared at him. He stared back.

She focused on his breathing, matching it to her own. She had no idea how long they stared at each other.

After what seemed like a million years where she could see infinite in his eyes, she stood and walked over to him and wrapped her arms tight around him, pressing her face into the crease of his shoulder.

He stood still, like a block.

She pressed tighter, lining her body up with his so that she could feel a part of him against every part of her. If he never wanted to hug her again, she would remember this moment. This would be her happy place.

His arms curled around her, cradling her. He was so warm. Feverishly warm. Supernaturally warm.

Bella breathed him in. He smelled like a man.

"Bella." Jacob's voice broke on her name.

"Jacob." She said back to him, claiming him.

He pulled back from her, just enough so that he could see her face. "Bella, you have to listen to me. I can't tell you what's going on. I physically can't. I…" He broke off, looking like he was in physical pain. "But I've told you before. You just have to remember, okay?" He reached up a warm hand to her face, curling it boldly around her cheek, his thumb brushing her bottom lip.

She kissed it.

His eyes closed again, peaceful. He looked half tortured.

"Please, Bella. Promise me."

Half of her wanted to say no. _No, you promised me you wouldn't leave and you did. Why should I promise you anything?_

"I promise." She said.

* * *

Bella woke with a start. Her breath came in short pants and her heart was beating furiously beneath her ribcage. She looked around her, the right side of the bed was still warm from were Jacob had laid down beside her in the middle of the night.

After she had promised him to remember some kind of information that he had told her at some point – any point – in time, he had turned off her light and pulled her to her bed. She hadn't protested, mainly because he had not released his grip on her waist. He had laid down with her, curling her body into him. She had been cradled, collected not like she was a bunch of broken pieces barely hanging together nor like she was so fragile that he was afraid to touch her, but like she was the most important thing in the world to him.

She had fallen to sleep easily, warmed by his temperature and his presence.

But Jacob was gone now and Bella had remembered.

 _Wolves._

She pulled herself from her bed and threw herself to her closet door, searching for clothes. Her hair had come unbundled during the night, by Jacob's fingers. She had a somewhat fuzzy memory of his fingers curling through her hair as he laid beside her, held her. It was soft ringlets down her back, not needing to be brushed. She was thankful. She pulled on a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans and a short sleeved blue t-shirt – the first items that her fingers touched. She pulled on her shoes, grabbed her bag from beside the bed.

Bella stopped in the hallway, remembering that Charlie was supposed to be home. It was Saturday, after all. His bedroom door was open and he was not in it. She couldn't hear the television, but she walked carefully down the stairs, trying not to look like a maniac on a mission.

Charlie was nowhere to be found. There was, however, a short note from him on the counter that said he had been called into work – they had discovered another body in the woods.

Bella flew out the door, shoving her keys into the ignition and pressing down on the gas. The drive to La Push was a blur, though it was not raining. She didn't remember if she had been crying or not. When she made it to the little red house, she parked her truck, left her bag, and jumped out to the gravel driveway. She made it to the door in five hurried steps. She knocked three times, loudly.

She didn't care if Billy told her to go away. Jacob had come to her. He had sneaked away to see her in the middle of the night so that he could explain something to her in the only way he could. She hadn't let him down.

Bella had to tell him that she remember. That she didn't care.

Billy opened the door and eyed her with a slightly fascinated expression. She hadn't even opened her mouth, probably to rudely demand he tell her where Jacob was, when he came out with,

"He's on the beach."

Bella stared at him.

Billy chuckled and Bella felt a warm furry grow in her gut. He had been so rude to her in the past few weeks and suddenly it was back to the way it was before? "Jacob said you might stop by. He said he would be on the beach."

She probably should have said thank you, but she didn't. Instead, she turned around sharply, got back into her truck, and backed out of the Black's driveway.

Jacob was indeed on the beach. She found him at the small driftwood obscured by a line of trees that had claimed as their spot whenever they went down to the beach. The ocean pulled a breeze in that made Bella shiver inside her short sleeved shirt. Jacob turned when he heard her, his whole body screaming apprehension.

He didn't move from his seated position. She stopped when she was directly in front of him. They looked at each other.

"So, you turn into a giant wolf?" She asked him, seriously.

"Uh," He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah." He watched her.

Bella wondered if he expected her to run away screaming.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

She plopped down on the sand in front of him and admitted, "To be honest, I'm more upset by the fact you had been avoiding me than the whole wolf thing."

He stared at her like she had lost her mind. "Bella," He began. "I can turn into a wolf. I hunt vampires."

She looked back at him, curious. "You hunt vampires?"

He shifted uncomfortably, looking at her from under his lashes. "That's why we change. We're born to protect the tribe from cold ones. When they come near, those with the gene phase. To destroy them."

"Oh." Bella said, her expression steady.

"Except, we have a treaty with a coven. My great-grandfather signed it." Jacob shifted again, watching her closely.

She knew why. "The Cullens."

"Yes."

"Look, Jacob," She began. "I loved the Cullens. They kind of adopted me, before…" She took a breath and strive onwards, unable to look at him. "I didn't care that they were vampires because they didn't kill people, because they didn't chose to be vampires. They were clinging so desperately to their humanity. With Edward…" She looked up at him. His eyes were dark and his fists were shaking. "Everything I said about him you before was true. And I, a part of my truly regrets that relationship. How much of a relationship it actually was." She snorted, her chest burning. "I loved the Cullens because they found it in them to be people beyond the monster. But they were also vampires and I spent a lot of time ignore that part of them. I shouldn't have." She reached out her hand, tentatively to brush against his knee, wanting him to look at her.

He did. But his eyes looked red. She wondered how much of him hated the Cullens. She wondered how much of him hated her. "But they left me. And you, you were there and you saved me." She whispered, her hand pressing hard into the bones under his knee, feeling his strength. "You forced me to figure out who I was when you disappeared on me. As much as it hurt and as much as I know turning into a huge wolf probably hurt you too… I'm kind of glad I had that time to think about things."

He was watching her – her face, her hand on his knee.

"If they came back right this minute," She said. "I wouldn't forgive them."

"Why not?" He asked her gruffly, measuring her. His eyes were guarded.

She swallowed. "I don't want you to think I'm all better, because I'm not. I ran with vampires and those vampires left me. They pulled my whole future from underneath me. They didn't say goodbye. Edward left me in the middle of the forest." Her words were soft, not angry but sad. "I can never forgive them for using me as a human pet, no matter how good their intentions were. For a long time, I clung to the pain of their abandonment – of Edward's abandonment – because I felt like if I didn't grieve it, if I stopped feeling the pain, it wouldn't be real anymore. That time of my life would be like it never existed. But I wanted my future. At least, the parts of me that are better. I have no idea what I want from life, but I do know that I want life. And I'm not the same person anymore. So if Edward showed up, kneeled on the ground for me and begged me to take him back, I would tell him no. Because as much as I loved him, as much as a part of me loves him, he's still a boy and… and I don't want to be a girl forever. I want to grow up."

Jacob's eyes were watering by the end of her confession. He slid off the driftwood onto the sand and collected her into his arms, holding her in his lap. She did not cry, but she mourned silently. She felt like he was mourning with her.

Bella pulled her face from where it was pressed into his neck. "So, this heat thing, is that a wolf thing?"

Jacob chuckled. "Yeah."

Bella reached up to push the lock of hair from his forehead. "What else are wolf things?"

"Well, um… we heal really fast. Like superfast. And we can run… I think that's my favorite part, the speed. Kind of like driving a really nice car."

"Of course, you would compare it to that." Bella smiled at him, running her fingers across his cheekbone.

"Our minds… though. They're all connected. When we phase, we can read each other's thoughts. There's no filter. It's… invasive." He looked frustrated.

"That's not very…" She couldn't imagine the idea of anyone reading her mind.

"Yeah." He started playing with her fingers with his hands, tracing his thumb across her knuckles.

"Last night… you said that you had to sneak away – that Sam had ordered you against seeing me and you had to do what he said."

Jacob cleared his throat. "Sam's… he's alpha."

"Alpha?"

He looked at their fingers, curled around each other. The contrast of their skin color looked nice to Bella.

"Basically, he's the leader of the pack. What he says goes. He can alpha order us, which basically means we have to do what he says. Like if he tells us to jump, we ask 'how high?' That sort of thing."

"That's awful."

"Kind of. Sam tries not to alpha order a lot. But it's hard, especially for newly phased wolves. I understand. I trust him, I guess. He's got good intentions." Jacob dropped his head to her hair. "If he had just left me _see_ you though, everything would have been fine."

Bella tightened her hold around Jacob's hand. "Who all is in the pack?"

"Well, there's me and Embry…"

"I saw him the day I went to your house." Bella interjected. "He caught me from falling. He looked so sad."

"I know. He misses you." Jacob admitted.

"I miss him too. Quil too." She looked at him. "Is Quil a wolf too?'

Jacob grimaced. "Not yet. He's getting close to the change. Right now he things that Em and I just abandoned him."

"Oh."

"Which is ridiculous because we would never abandon him. But I remember how I felt when I though Em had abandoned us and…" Jacob trailed off. "We've been best friends since we were babies. It's not fair."

"I'm sorry." Bella didn't know what to say. She hoped that her presence was a comfort. His was, to her.

"Anyway," Jacob picked his line of thought back up. "There's Paul – he's kind of a hothead. You should probably stay away from him. At least, unless I'm with you."

Bella frowned, but agreed, a part of her thrilled that Jacob intended to introduce her to his 'pack' at all.

"And Jared, he's a nice guy. He's your age. And then there's Sam."

"Right."

"So, you're really okay with this? With me?" Jacob sounded unsure. Bella remembered just how much she hated it when he sounded unsure. Especially when she was the reason.

She turned to look him straight in the eye. "Yes, I'm okay with this. You're still you. You just turn into a wolf sometimes."

Jacob let out a sigh of relief and pressed her tightly to his chest. "Thank you." He whispered into her hair.

Bella was pretty sure she should be the one thanking him.

* * *

 _Hi,_

 _Yes, something like that happened to me. And I gave up for a long time. But you can find light again – in the most unlikely places. You will be able to find your footing. I promise._

 _My mom told me all my life that no one could ever tell me what to do, not even her. She pressured me desperately into making my own decisions. I think she went about it the wrong way though, because I was making so many adult decisions at such a young age with no guidance that when I got myself into a situation that someone started making all of my decisions for me, I didn't notice it at first because I was relieved in the beginning. By the end of it, I had lost my sense of self. But there are also times when you have to do what someone tells you. Lots of times, really. When you're in danger and there is someone who has more experience. Or when you're in school and in a delicate situation – like a lab full of toxic chemicals. Of course, you will have to decide at the beginning if you trust the person giving the orders. If you trust them with your safety and your sanity. But there's a fine line there. You have to preserve yourself, always. Fight for yourself. Fight for your life._

 _You have dreams. Follow them. And if anyone tells you not to, well, in the wise words of one of my best friends: Fuck 'em._

 _I have no idea what I want to do with myself. I mean, rationally, I know what I am going to do. I just have no desire or actual feelings about it._

 _I got so attached to the idea of something – I wanted it so bad and when it got taken away it's like my whole future followed. But I had to realize that my whole future was still there. It was just different. I have to tweak it so it makes sense with the new alignment of the universe._

 _You will figure it out. I have faith._

 _And thank you. You're a hell of a guy. You will find a girl who will love you and who you love too._

 _Thanks, again_

* * *

The day she met Sam Uley, Jacob and she had been sitting in the garage – as was usual before he suddenly gained the ability to turn into a wolf. It had been two days since Jacob had jumped into her bedroom window. Bella was sitting on the couch with Jacob's head in her lap, her fingers brushing through the short strands.

"Have you been getting enough sleep?" She asked him.

He barked out a laugh. "Sam's killing me with patrols. There's this red haired leech that's been teasing us for two weeks now. I just want to fucking kill her and get a full night's sleep."

Bella froze. "Red hair?"

Jacob sat up at her fearful tone. He looked at her carefully. "Yeah, red hair." He said softly. "It's really long and curly. She's not one of the Cullens, is she?"

"No." Bella said.

"Sam is pretty sure we killed her mate a few weeks ago – right before she turned up. He was African-American with dreadlocks." Jacob was watching her with a protective, yet curious expression.

"Oh." Bella said. "He wasn't her mate." She felt like she was talking to Jacob underwater.

"Do you…do you know her?" Jacob's voice was calm, but she could feel the slight shaking of his hands where they were placed on her knees.

"Yeah." Bella said thickly. "She tried to kill me."

Jacob's growl broke through Bella's daze. He had pulled himself away from her, his limbs shaking in the small space between her and where the Rabbit was parked.

"Jacob." Bella started, standing up. She tripped over her book bag, falling into his chest. He caught her, like always, his arms encircling her. He seemed calmer, holding her. There was just the barest hint of vibration.

"Fuck, Bella." He said. He seemed to say that a lot, she thought. "What the hell am I gonna do with you?"

"Um…" She started.

"All my instincts are screaming at me now, you realize. You just had to go and tell me that this red-head bitch wanted to kill you."

"Your instincts?"

"To protect you."

"Oh."

They stood like that for a long time until Jacob had calmed fully. He had his nose in her hair, breathing in her scent. She was clutching him, rather fearful of why Victoria was here, stalking Forks and La Push.

"Tell me what happened." Jacob prompted, maneuvering her onto the couch, but keeping her in his lap. She hadn't sat in his lap since the beach, when he had curled her against him. When she had been mourning her vampires.

Her vampires. _Not anymore._

Bella cleared her throat. "James… was her mate. The Cullens, they were playing baseball and I was there…" and the whole story tumbled out.

Jacob shook at different points in the story, but he would shove his nose into her hair and take deep breaths. She wondered if she should be slightly freaked out that Jacob relied on her scent so much, but she wasn't.

Edward had always tried not to smell her. Edward had always avoided touching her as much as possible, despite the fact that they had been playing as if they were in a relationship. When they would kiss, his lips would barely touch hers.

Once again, Bella wondered what it would be like to kiss Jacob.

They certainly touched differently than just friends. She knew that. She had accepted that. There was something under her friendship with Jacob that had always been burning beneath her skin. She kind of felt like he was made for her. She wondered if he thought she was made for him.

"I have to tell the pack about this." Jacob said finally.

"We don't know if she's here because of me." Bella said, knowing that it was unlikely that she was hanging around a place a bunch of giant wolves were protecting unless there was something there that she really, really wanted. Like Bella.

"I don't want to take that chance." Jacob pulled her up and wiped his fingers under her eyes. She had cried again during her storytelling. But it had just been tears, slowly falling. He looked at her like he was sizing her up but also making sure she was okay. "Do you want to go to the bathroom first?" He asked finally.

"First?"

"I need to tell the pack about this and I don't want – I can't leave you right now." He looked pained, his eyes searching over her face.

"Okay." She said. She had questions that she wanted to ask – about instincts and the way he was looking at her like he was afraid she would fall down and die right in front of him. But she would ask them later. "I'll be right back."

She stepped away from him and headed down the path to the little red house. She opened the front door and slipped inside. Billy was in front of the television and smiled at her. She hid her face from him as much as she could.

Their bathroom was small, but made handicap accessible, so it wasn't _that_ small. She used the toilet and washed her hands and her face. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were lightly pink, but her eyes didn't look puffy. Her hair was smooth and curly – she had washed it this morning. She was wearing her favorite jeans that clung in all the right places. She had pulled them on today because for some reason she wanted Jacob to look at her in them. She had worn a soft pink t-shirt that was short sleeved – knowing that Jacob's new temperature would keep her warm. It had a v-neck shape and showed the barest hint of cleavage. It clung to the sides of her breasts and tucked in around her waist. It was a shirt her mother had bought for her. When Bella had pulled it on this morning, she couldn't remember having ever worn it before. She had dressed up for him today, in a small insignificant type way.

Huh.

She hadn't really realized until that moment in the little tiny bathroom that she wanted Jacob Black to find her attractive. She wanted Jacob not only to want her but to _want_ her.

Bella rolled her eyes at herself in the mirror. She felt like Jessica.

Brushing her fingers through her hair one more time, Bella exited the bathroom and headed back outside. Billy smiled at her again and this time she smiled back.

Jacob was standing on the front porch, waiting for her. As soon as he saw her, he reached from her hand. Bella was nervous about meeting the pack, of course. They were a part of Jacob now. But she was more nervous about Jacob being nervous. She was more nervous about the idea of Victoria hunting her.

They took her truck. Jacob drove.

The house they pulled up to was small, but vibrant. It was yellow with a beautiful garden curled around the sides of the house. She wondered what the backyard looked like. The house was surrounded by woods on either side, tucked neatly away from the world.

 _I could live like that_ , she thought.

Before Jacob cut the engine, he leaned over so that his lips were brushing her ear. "Don't stare at Emily, okay? It bothers Sam."

Bella had no idea what Jacob was talking about, but she nodded her agreement and stepped out of the truck. He grasped her hand again, pulling her close to him as they headed up to the front door.

It swung open before the reached it. Embry stepped out, taller and larger, hair cropped like Jacob's. They looked so much alike, standing almost side by side.

"Hey, Bella." He said tentatively.

Bella had missed him. She pulled herself out of Jacob side to hug Embry. He hugged her back, strongly. He wasn't wearing a shirt but she hardly noticed. He was warm too, but she had stopped noticing that too.

He was still Embry. He just turned into a wolf occasionally.

Embry pulled back from her at the same time she pulled away from him. He grinned at her, looking brighter. Bella stepped back in line with Jacob, who had a soft smile on his face.

"Are you here to see Sam or…" Embry directed the question to Jacob, who nodded. "Do you want me to stay?" Embry asked. Jacob glanced at Bella and then back at Embry and nodded again.

Bella breathed out through her nose. It was one thing to meet a bunch of unfamiliar people. It was another to have two friends next to you while you do it.

* * *

Bella was sitting next to Jacob at the large table that took up the majority of the kitchen. Embry was on her other side. She felt very much like they were standing guard over her. Sam was standing, leaning against the counter. She wondered if he often sought to stand taller than the rest of the wolves.

Bella knew that Sam wasn't all bad – he had found her in the woods after all. But there was something about him that screamed self-righteous that reminded her too much of Edward – at least, Edward's faults. She believed Sam had good intentions at heart, but the way he constantly kept a front up was kind of insulting to the other members of his pack. Surely, if you fought vampires together and could reach each other's every thought it would be impossible to have an ego-complex around the very people you did such things with.

However, every part of Sam screamed ego to Bella. Perhaps it was just a cover. But it bothered her.

Sam didn't seem to like her much either. He tolerated her. He had listened to her shortened version of the events with James and Victoria – she had gotten through it better this time, having explained it all to Jacob before. She recited it like a memorized line as opposed to an actual event that had occurred in her life. Nevertheless, Sam seemed thoroughly disgusted by her choices. He hid it well. But Bella had always been too observant.

Since she had awoke from her daze a few months ago, she could feel her old self coming back.

Jacob and Embry seemed to have sensed the dividedness between her and Sam. They had taken it upon themselves to guard Bella from him in a way she was sure annoyed the hell out of him.

He was big mighty alpha and two of his pack were guarding a little human girl from him. That must burn him inside. Bella felt slightly vindictive, strangely enough.

Sam had kept Jacob from her. While everything had turned around okay, she remembered those feelings of abandonment very clearly.

"Bella, this is your decision." Sam finally said after hearing her story and an intense war of eye contact between the two of them.

"What do you mean it's her decision?" Jacob jumped out of his chair, it felt back with a clang. "We have to protect her!"

Sam eyed Jacob in a way that made Bella very uncomfortable. Embry stood too, next to Jacob like he had been there his whole life. He reached out a hand to lay on Jacob's shoulder. Bella could tell – by having spent so much time with both of them, but also just by the way they looked at each other in that moment – that Embry was both telling Jacob to calm down and also giving support if he decided to not calm down. Embry would fight with Jacob, not against him.

Embry was willing to fight for her protection.

"Jacob, Embry, sit down." There was a new tremor in Sam's voice that made both Jacob and Embry's shoulder hunch, like they were trying to protect themselves. They sat down immediately. Jacob reached for her and she tried not to feel his desperation.

"If you don't keep her save, Sam. I will." There was a threat in Jacob's voice that made Sam's arms shake, just for a moment.

"Our pack was not formed to protect a single human girl." Sam spit the word girl like it was a curse.

Right, because Bella was still _that girl_. The one in need of protection.

Jacob was vibrating next to her. Embry's arms were shaking.

"Sam…" Embry tried.

Bella cut him off. "What is it..." She said slowly, "that you want me to decide?"

Sam looked at her a long time. She fought not to move her body behind Jacob's. "You ran with vampires. You have to understand," He stepped forward. A growl sounded in Jacob's throat. "Vampires are our mortal enemies. If we protect you – we have to trust that you will not betray our secrets."

Bella stared at him, aghast. "You think I'm going to snitch on you to a bunch of vampires?"

Sam's expression did not change.

Bella was angry. "That's ridiculous! The only vampires that I associated with were the Cullens, whom you have a treaty with! And guess what, they left me! They're not coming back! And if they did, do you think I would just run back to them like a good little _girl_?"

Sam stared at her hard. "Yes." He said.

Jacob was vibrating so badly that she thought for sure he was going to burst into a giant wolf right next to her. And he couldn't leave his seat because Sam had told him to _sit down_.

Bella turned away from Sam, just for a moment, to take Jacob's face into her hands. "Jacob," She whispered. "You need to calm down." He looked at her, his eyes boring into hers like they were magnets made for each other – made to connect. He took a deep breath and the shaking slowed to a gradual rocking.

Knowing that was the best she could get out of him, she moved her hands from his face and turned back to Sam. "I have no loyalties to you." She began. Her voice was calm, but loud. She was done being soft. This marked the end of her softness. "My loyalty belongs to Jacob. If Victoria is after me, it's not your job to protect me. Granted, I am human and stand no chance against her on my own. I will never ask Jacob to protect me from her, especially if he does not have the support of his packmates. Just become I have _experience_ with the supernatural does not make me a bad person. So, you can do whatever the hell you want. But you have no right to act like you know anything about me."

Sam stared at her. She stared back.

"We will add Bella's house to the patrol route. It will be easier for us, Bella, if you stay in La Push as much as possible. We'll try to have someone nearby should anything happen. I can't guarantee you anything." Sam's voice was resigned. He glanced at Jacob, a mix of fear and rage on his face before it was quickly masked.

"You just agreed to that because you know that I can overrule you." Jacob sounded perfectly calm.

Sam laughed. Bella was shocked at the sound. It sounded almost mocking. "You were barely able to contain your phase just now. You don't have the self-control to take me on."

"It's my birthright." Instead of sounding angry at Sam's mockery, Jacob sounded resigned.

"Give up, Jacob." Sam matched Jacob's tone, his own surrender in his words. "You're not ready. We will protect Bella. But only because she is yours."

Jacob, finding some kind of force inside of himself, stood up. Sam's eyes widened the tiniest bit before his mask returned. "Em." Jacob said. Embry pulled himself up, only after Jacob's command. Jacob grasped my hand and pulled me to the door.

"If you had come to me, asking to protect Emily, I would have done it in a heartbeat. Not only because she's your imprint, but because she's just a single human girl." With that, Jacob led Embry and Bella out the door, slamming it on its hinges on the way back.

Bella could still see Sam's face in her mind as Jacob pulled her to her truck.

* * *

 _Hi,_

 _It's getting easier. I think it's having my friends back. Two at least. I think the other one will be soon. I hope so, at least. A part of me doesn't want him to, because then he'll have to go through all this like I did. But I think, knowing him, he'd rather be with us than without us, whatever the cost – curse._

 _I'm sure this all sounds terribly vague. I'm sorry. I just need to talk about it – even if I can't tell you what it is. After all, you rant to me – I rant to you._

 _I can feel a battle inside of me. The guy I work for – he's a nice person, on the inside. But he's jaded and he used that against himself. He's not really made for the role he's taken, but he's trying, y'know. And my friend, he's got the education for it and the attitude, but he doesn't want it. At least, he didn't in the beginning. Or maybe he knew that he wasn't strong enough for the fight that it would take to get the position and so he just let everyone think he didn't want it. I think that's a little stupid, because you have to work for something. If you just decide you're not good enough and it's better just to convince yourself you don't want it then you will never ever have it. But I also understand were he's coming from. But there's this battle inside of him too. And I think the larger part is winning._

 _Probably because of his girl._

 _She's great – I wish you could meet her. I bet you would be friends. She's discovering herself again. It's amazing to watch._

 _Also, I wanted to let you know I applied for early admission to UW. I like that motto. It reminds me of my friends._

 _I think you're smart enough to figure out what you want to. Stop basing your decision off of other people. Sit and think about what you really want for a change. At the end of the day, it's you that you've got to live with._

 _You're hell of a girl. I kind of want to meet you._

 _Bye, thanks_


	5. Chapter 5

_Just A Girl_

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Summary: Bella gets a new English teacher. It changes everything. New Moon AU. Imprint.

* * *

Bella was in her bedroom. The lights were off, but the moonlight was curling in through the half-open window. She was freezing.

The blankets were curled around her, trapping her calves, swaddling her arms. She knew that there was someone outside her house right now, a wolf protecting her. It made her feel slightly better. It made her feel slightly bad.

She had yet to meet the others of the pack. It had been two days since she had her "talk" with Sam and Jacob had been avoiding the pack as much as possible, she could tell. She had stuck as close to him as she could, keeping in mind that she had school and work shifts to consider. Jacob had taken on a night patrol, so that he could spend his evenings with her in the garage. She could tell he was tired.

Bella was tired too. She was cold and she was scared. She had avoided all topics of vampires with Jacob the past two days – he hadn't commented on it. Instead of keeping up their normal chatter, there had been a steady silence in between them. It hadn't been uncomfortable.

The nightmares hadn't got away when she had gotten Jacob back. Instead, they had a new feature. A vampire with bright red hair was hunting her in her dream world and in her reality.

"Bella?" The voice came from her open window. She popped up from her bed, the blankets falling around her lap.

"Jake?" Of course it was Jacob. He hauled himself into her room like he had done only a few nights before, landing almost soundlessly on her hardwood floor. He was shirtless and the shadows of the moon curled around his shoulders. She realized how exposed her chest was; her white tank top almost glowed in the darkness, her shoulders bare except for the thin straps holding up her top.

Bella had a sudden aching for Jacob in which she had never felt before.

"Are you okay?" He asked, observing her.

"Yeah." She breathed, smiling at him a little. Her heart felt wonderful, for the first time in forever. Her chest was free. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He said. But he moved closer to her and she could see the dark smudges around his eyes. He sat down beside her knees, his chest close to her chest. "I just needed to check on you." He reached out a hand, pushing a curl over her shoulder, his fingers soft against her collarbone.

"I'm okay." Bella said, fully meaning it. With him right beside her, in this moment, she felt like she could survive anything.

"She's dancing on the cliff lines." Jacob said, his hand was still on her neck, his thumb cradling her chin. "We even get within snapping distance from her and she swan dives off into the ocean – where we can't get her. They've got an advantage in the water."

"You'll catch her." Bella said, pressing her cheek into his hand.

"I'm so worried that she's gonna get you, Bells. I can't think straight. The guys don't have any idea what it feels like and they're being…. obnoxious." Jacob confessed, his eyes avoiding her in the darkness.

Jacob suddenly looked like a boy again.

"Embry understands better, I think. Not completely. He won't until he… but he loves you."

"I'm going to be okay, Jake." Bella said, her confidence appearing with his presence – with the new steadiness she found within herself.

She pulled his hand from her cheek and pressed his palm to her lips, planting a lingering kiss on the skin. He shuttered before her, his eyes tightly closed. Feeling powerful, feeling comfortable, Bella reached for him, pressing her chest into his chest and her head into the space of his shoulder.

He breathed her in. She breathed in him, the new woodsy scent that clung to him. The wolf, she knew, was the change.

"Do you want to stay?" She offered, her words touching his collarbone.

In response, Jacob pulled her with him so they were laid out on their sides on her small bed, her body tightly tucked into the folds of his body.

She had never felt safer in her life.

* * *

When Bella awoke the next morning, Jacob was gone. She went to school, hung out with Angela at lunch, and felt socially dead by the time she made it to her car after school was over. Of course, it would be the day that Embry was leaning against the driver's door of her truck, waiting on her in a pair of cut-off shorts and a forest green t-shirt that stretched over his newly developed muscles. She could practically feel the individual sets of eyes boring into her.

"Who is that?" Jessica whispered to Bella, pressing her books into her sternum – a maneuver that Bella had seen her do quite a lot around boys. The movement caused her breasts to achieve greater height.

If Bella had been less tired, less worn out the last few days, she would have laughed. Instead, she completely ignored Jessica's inquiry and headed straight for Embry, her heart pounding.

She wondered if Jacob had gotten hurt – if Embry was here to take her to him. Or if Embry was here to tell her that Jacob was dead.

He stood up straight as she reached him and pulled her in close. Embry smelled differently than Jacob – of course he did – but he gave almost the same amount of comfort.

"Everything's fine." Embry assured her, as he released her slowly. He glanced around, reminding her of the fact everyone was looking at their little display. "Paul picked up a scent near Forks a few hours ago and Jacob sent me to make sure you got to La Push in one piece." Embry kept his voice low, soothing. There was a smile in it, too.

Bella nodded. "Okay." Of course Jacob would prefer chasing after the vampire. He had some kind of idea that it was his personal duty to rid her of her vengeful vampire.

She tossed Embry her keys and headed around to the passenger side of her truck, closing the door quickly to get away from the looks. Embry started the car quickly and they were out of the parking lot in a matter of moments.

"I'm sorry if you didn't want me showing up at your school like that." Embry said, quietly. "I thought it would be easier to ride with you than to follow you."

"Oh, no, Embry, I don't mind." And she didn't. She just hated her classmates sometimes. "They're just looking for every piece of gossip they can get on me. It's ridiculous."

"High school often is." Embry said quietly.

It struck her that this was the first time she had ever actually been alone with Embry. There had been the time on Jacob's porch, but that hadn't lasted longer than a moment and they hadn't had a conversation. It kind of reassured her how comfortable she actually was in his presence. She had developed a friendship with Embry – and Quil – due to Jacob in the time before they had phased and Embry hadn't forgotten that. Neither had she.

"Is it hard at your school? With being in the pack?" Bella asked, looking over at him as he made a left-hand turn.

He sighed deeply and looked like he was debating with himself on how to answer her. "Yes, to be completely honest." He confessed. "The other guys just ignore it, but there's a huge population of La Push that thinks we're all drug addicts and causing crime. The other kids at school try to avoid us because they think we're bad people, when we're really just protecting them. Of course, Sam is sort of pleased at that because it keeps people away from us – less of a chance that we would phase too close to someone and rip them in half."

"Oh." Bella couldn't picture Embry being the slightest bit out of control. She couldn't picture him hurting a fly. But apparently he killed vampires in his spare time.

She remembered him in Sam's kitchen, his arms shaking as he defended her against his alpha.

"It's stupid and I'll get over it." He shrugged.

"It's not stupid." Bella said to him, reached out to touch one of his hand that was clenching the steering wheel. He wasn't shaking at all, but she felt desperate to give him some comfort. "Nothing anyone feels is stupid."

Embry glanced at her as she dropped her hand. "Thanks, Bells."

It was the first time he had ever used Jacob's name for her and she liked it. She felt like it was a separate identity from herself. _Bells_ was how her friends saw her – and Embry was her friend.

"Where are we going?" She finally asked as they passed Jacob's house.

"To Sam's." Embry said, glancing at her cautiously. "Emily will be there to keep you company. I have to go meet the pack."

"Emily is Sam's girlfriend?"

"Fiancé, actually. She knows everything, so you don't have to worry." He dropped his voice. "Try not to stare at her though, it's a bit shocking at first."

Bella scrunched her eyebrows. She vaguely remember Jacob saying something of that sort last time they had come to Sam's, but they hadn't seen Emily.

Trusting her boys, she simply said "Okay," to Embry and stepped outside of the truck. Embry passed her quickly, pressing a kiss to her forehead before heading to the woods.

She was alone in front of the little house.

* * *

Emily – it turned out – was very nice. She did not burst with confidence or exude reassurance, but she had a comfortable way about her that put Bella at ease. Funnily, it was the opposite energy that Sam exuded that had made him seem more like an enemy than a friend.

Instead of pestering her with questions, Emily simply smiled and invited her in, saying that she had heard about Bella from Jacob and was happy that they had been reunited despite the supernatural forces that seemed much too large for their tiny part of the world.

Bella had to agree.

There had been a lot of silence after that, no big heart-to-hearts that gave Bella some kind of worthwhile epiphany. They simply cooked, nervously awaiting the return of the wolves.

And they cooked a lot. A huge composition of food was spread out on the counters of Emily's little kitchen by the time the pack returned, shuffling barefoot and bare-chested into the suddenly too-small kitchen. Bella felt herself falling into the corner.

Sam was the first one inside and didn't bother holding up the door for Jacob, who was second inside and almost got his nose smashed by the white wood. Two unfamiliar boys followed Jacob, heading straight for the food, with Embry ending the line.

Jacob headed straight for Bella, finding her in her corner almost with some unworldly knowledge of where she would be. He didn't pull her into a public embrace like Sam had Emily dipped into in the middle of the kitchen, instead he blocked her from the view of the rest of the boys and touched her arm, his eyes meeting hers.

"You okay?" He whispered.

"Yeah." She whispered back.

He nodded, his hair falling onto his forehead. He swooped in, too quickly almost, to press his lips to her forehead in a gesture almost exactly of Embry almost hours before. He tugged her hand to the counter and let go of her to fill out a huge plate of food. The other boys, she realized, had already settled themselves on the too-small table. Emily was mixing some kind of drink on the far corner of the counter that Bella and Jacob were not blocking.

Instead of sitting, Jacob leaned against the counter next to her, using one hand to hold his plate and the other hand to hold his fork. Bella almost felt bad that she was making him uncomfortable until she realized just how tense he was and how much his body was pulled away from the direction of his pack-mates.

She wondered how much of her little battle with Sam had affected Jacob's life as a wolf.

Once all of the boys had cleared away all of the food, Jacob had wrapped a steadying arm around her waist, holding her to his side as they faced the rest of the pack. Emily had situated herself into Sam's lap, looking perfectly content to stay there forever.

Bella wondered just want Sam had accomplished in life that made him deserving of such a sweet girl.

As the rest of the wolves eyed her, Bella felt like she and Jacob were standing trial.

Just as an unfamiliar one opened his mouth, Embry stood up abruptly, glass in hand. He brushed passed her to fill up his water glass, and preceded to stand next her to drink it. She felt like she had gone back in time to another day in Sam's kitchen, with Jacob on one side of her and Embry on the other. The way Jacob looked at his friend assured her that Embry had not just gotten up because he was thirsty.

He was going to stand trial with them.

Bella felt a sudden aching in her gut for Quil, who deserved to be standing with them too.

There was a very awkward silence where Jacob was content to just rub small circles on the fabric covering her waist with his thumb and Embry drank his water, way too slowly. Bella stared at the floor, focusing on the body heat that Jacob was emitting into her side.

After a moment, Sam's cleared his throat and nudged Emily up to her feet. "Why don't you start a load of laundry?" He asked her softly. She gave a small nod of her head, looking at everyone with an almost fearful gaze and left the room.

Bella wondered how much time Emily actually spent with the wolves besides cooking for them. She wondered if Emily was taken for granted. She wondered if Emily was happy.

Emily clearly cared about Sam, but she seemed to have such a small life to Bella. Bella, who would be happy living in the woods, but would need something else besides simply taking care of the house to occupy her time.

Bella wondered how much the three deep scratches on the side of Emily's face changed her life.

"Bella," Sam began in his deep voice, probably trying to intimidate her. "I don't believe you've met Paul and Jared." He inclined his head to the two boys remaining boys at the table, not differentiating the names to a person.

"No, I haven't.' Bella spoke, clearly. She had stood against him once and had not been meek. She was not going to bow her head to this pack of supernatural beings. She wasn't going to be that girl anymore. If they disliked her, well – she had Jacob and Embry and, soon, Quil. "Which one is which?" She found herself, asking, surveying them.

One of the boys snarled and Jacob's arm tightened around her wait. She knew without a doubt that he was Paul. The other boy cracked a half grin and she upturned a cheek at him in response.

"Jared." He said to her, standing up out of his seat to hold out a hand to her. She took it, not the least bit surprised at his temperature.

"Nice to meet you." She said to him, willing herself not to be intimidated by any of them. But as Jared helped himself back to his seat, she could see the easy air he had about him – one that reminded her of Jacob and Embry and Quil. She could see herself being friends with him – real friends, like she was with her boys.

 _Her_ boys. _Her_ wolves. She liked the sound of that.

 _Her Jacob._

Paul never responded other than a heavy glare and she knew that she would follow Jacob's instruction about him – avoid being around him without Jacob.

"We need to up our patrols in Forks." Bella could feel Jacob's chest move from where she stood close to him.

"There aren't enough of us." Sam said.

Jacob growled, low in his throat. "That leech made it into Forks today, Sam! She was a mile from Bella's house!"

Bella flinched.

 _Oh._

Of course, Jacob would have sent someone to take her home if Victoria was that close to her. She wondered where she would be right now if Jacob hadn't suddenly turned into a vampire-killing wolf.

Dead, probably.

"Then Bella will just have to spend more time in La Push, where it's easier for us to patrol. Extending our route takes up a lot of time, Jacob."

"She's spending almost every free minute she has here!" Jacob said back, his voice firm. "But she doesn't live here and she had school and work and her father is fucking Chief of Police. He'll notice if something's up. He's already suspicious of us, Sam! He could make our lives really difficult."

Bella had no idea that her father was suspicious of the La Push gang – but the sound itself was suspicious and so Bella felt ridiculous for not having thought of it sooner. And Jacob was right – Charlie could make everything a lot more complicated for them if he started trying to investigate on what the La Push gang really did.

"I agree with Jacob, Sam." Jared said, a careless tone to his voice. Sam stared at Jared in disbelief. Jared immediately looked down.

Bella understood then. Jacob and Sam were on difference sides, but Sam was alpha and he clearly intimidated Jared.

"It's your fucking fault, Jacob, for having a pale-face leech lover of an imprint." Paul's voice was mocking.

Bella felt Jacob stiffen beside her and before she realized what was happening, she was encircled by Embry's arms and Jacob was lunging across the table for Paul's throat.

It was so quick, that if Bella had blinked, she maybe would have missed it. The table was smashed from Jacob's body weight as he sent Paul crashing through the kitchen window – glass shattered everywhere. Embry had her turned around in seconds, his body covering hers against the shards that flew upon the impact.

Bella did not scream, but she could feel the vomit climbing up her throat. She swallowed hard, turning around to see that both Paul and Jacob had disappeared and Embry's bare back was bloody.

She begged herself not to faint as the scent of blood filled the room.

Bella realized that Embry was not the only wolf bleeding – Jared had a long scratch down the side of his face that looked like it had tiny glass fragments sticking out of it. He looked absolutely shocked, his arms slightly quivering.

Sam looked absolutely livid and marched out of the huge hole that once was a window to chase after Paul and Jacob.

Swallowing her vomit once again, Bella turned to Embry, who was hunched slightly in pain. He had gotten the worst of it – she would have gotten the worst of it if he had not shielded her.

"Do you have any tweeters, Bells?" Jared said, shifting uncomfortably, watching her with a new sincerity. "I think we're gonna need help pulling this glass out."

* * *

 _Hi_

 _I applied for UW too._

 _I understand, I think, what you mean. I mean, you could mean something completely different than what I think you do, but I'm kind of in a similar situation – except I don't understand anything that's going on. I wish people would stop talking above my head and actually tell me what's happening. I'm so tired of being the girl that everyone constantly tries to protect. I want to protect someone. I want to protect myself._

 _I can feel the old pieces of me coming back, but I think a lot of the girl I used to be disappeared in the past two years. I'm reinventing myself, sort of. I hope it's for the good this time._

 _I'm trying to do what I want. I'm just having such a hard time deciding what I want._

 _I don't really have a lot to say, right now. So many things are happening that I just don't know how to talk about. But I'm so happy that you applied for UW. I feel sort of proud of you. I know I don't know you that well, but your letters… I've put a lot of what you've said to good use. So thank you._

 _I'd be afraid to meet you._

 _I think you would see through me._

* * *

Embry drove her home, his back healed after she had painstakingly plucked out all the small shards of glass from his skin. She was quiet on the ride home. She felt extremely queasy, remembering how much blood there had been as she tended to Embry's and Jared's wounds, but also proud of herself. Also like she was needed.

There was no way that should would have been able to do that months ago. But she had done it and she had cared for them, like brothers.

She had seen visions behind her eyes, as she pulled the glass shards form Embry's shoulder blades, from Jared's face. She would see herself with Jared and Embry as brothers, in another life. Jared would be the older brother, strong and teasing, threatening to beat up any boy that glanced her way. She kind of wished that she had that when Edward had expressed an interest in her. Jared would have been the brother that when she was a kid she would sneak into his room when she woke from a nightmare or when the thunder got too loud. Embry would have been the younger brother, endlessly annoying in some regards, but the one that looked to her for some sort of guidance. Embry would have been the younger brother that would have sneaked into her bedroom when the nightmares came, when the storms made the windows shutter. Embry would have been the brother that came home with a black eye because he had got into a fight with another boy who had said something bad about her. He would have tried to hide it and told her she was being stupid, but he would have loved her. They both would have.

She hated her parents in that moment for not giving her siblings – for making her the only child of a broken marriage that made her constantly wanting for a stable family unit and people who she could form sibling relationships with.

Bella wondered if that was one of the large reasons the Cullens appealed to her so. One of the reasons she was okay with the idea of being changed into a blood-sucking supernatural being was because she got a family out of the deal – she got two brothers and two sisters and a mom and a dad that could be around each other for more than two minutes without fighting.

But the sad thing was, Bella reflected as Embry climbed out of the driver's side of the truck before Charlie could see him and gave her a one sided hug before he disappeared into the woods, was that in such little time, she felt infinitely closer to Embry and Jared today that she had ever felt to Jasper and Emmett. Jasper, who had probably only spoke three words to her, and Emmett who constantly made teasing remarks about her humanity. They viewed her as something different from themselves, which is something Bella deeply hated, was deeply uncomfortable with. Embry – and from what she had seen of Jared today – did not do that. They didn't view themselves as werewolves or monsters – they were humans first. And she was on the same level of existence as them.

They needed her in some sense of the word.

They needed her to pull out all the glass shards.

* * *

Jacob came to her once again in the middle of the night. She had been half-asleep, not quite inside the throws of her latest nightmares, when she had felt him crawl into bed beside her, his arms holding her.

He had pressed his nose to her hair and breathed in so deeply that she wondered if his lungs would explore.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her voice felt feebly – like sandpaper. She had been terrified that he and Paul would kill each other. Embry had been less worried; Jared had shrugged the whole thing off. But she had still come home and thrown up.

Because of Jacob and because of all the blood.

Jacob had placed one of his arms under her head, pillowing her ear against his shoulder. His other hand was against the bare skin of her waist, where her t-shirt had been pulled up in the night. She had one hand fully pressed against the flat plan of his back and somehow feeling his bare skin calmed her.

It wasn't sexual tonight. There was no twinge of desire in her stomach as his fingers found an anchor on her bare waist.

She wondered what it said of their relationship, the way that they held each other.

"I'm okay." He assured her. "Sam's pissed. He taking Paul's side in all of this."

"Why? Isn't it his job not to take sides?"

"It should be."

Jacob fell silent. The darkness was cradling them.

"Jake?" Bella asked, her fingers softly rubbing against his spine.

"Hmm?"

"What's an imprint?"

Jacob's whole body tensed, then sagged in defeat. It confused her.

"I was hoping you wouldn't ask me about that." He confessed, moving his hand to her hair, running his fingers through the curls.

"I'm sorry." She offered, not knowing what to say.

"Imprinting is how we – the wolves, I mean – find their mates. We don't chose it, it just kind of happens. You look at someone and suddenly it's kind of like…. like she glows to you." Jacob's voice was full of too much emotion. She felt something build in her chest, but she wasn't sure what it was. "From that second on, you want to protect her with everything you have, get to know her, love her."

"But you don't have a choice." Bella's voice felt hollow to her own ears. She wondered what she sounded like to Jacob.

Jacob hand fell back against his chest, as he pulled himself up so he could look down at her. She pulled her hand away from him too. They were no longer touching.

Something inside of her died.

"I guess," Jacob said softly, "You could look at it that way. But the imprint doesn't make you fall in love with them or even make you like them. It just kind of shows you that you could really love this person. The legend says that the one you imprint on is your soul mate. Emily… Emily thinks that we're reincarnated… that there were only so many spirit wolves in the beginning and when they are needed, the men who took them inside of themselves are simply born again and so are their mates. She thinks that each of us has lived many lives – our mates included."

"That's kind of… insane." Bella whispered.

Jacob gave a soft chuckle – it wasn't all full of warmth, though. Bella wondered if this was the end.

"It is. But she's not got a lot of things to occupy her time." Jacob sighed softly. "She doesn't have any friends." He admitted.

"Is it because of Sam?" Bella asked, remembering how bad she felt for Emily.

"Partly," Jacob said. "Sam doesn't like to be around a lot of people because he's constantly afraid of losing control. It keeps Emily hidden too."

"Sam is the one that gave Emily the scars." Bella stated, instead of asked.

"Yeah."

"Emily is his imprint."

"Yeah."

"And I'm… I'm yours?" She could feel tears burning her eyes.

"Yeah." Jacob sounded defeated.

Bella stared up at her ceiling, although it looked more like a black hole in the way the darkness spread through her room. Jacob was not touching her, but his body heat was spreading through her sheets and warming her.

She thought about Jacob before he phased. She thought about how he had touched her shoulder in his garage, how he looked when he had leaned over her red motorbike as he tightened something or another, how his head felt pressed against her knees as they ate dinner, how his body had felt against hers standing by Quil's front door when she had cried into his t-shirt. Bella thought about all of the small things that he had done for her – not asking too many questions, not forcing her to be anything she wasn't, not telling her what to do, always giving her a way out of anything she felt uncomfortable with, always being there.

"I loved you." She admitted, because there wasn't anything left to lose. "Before you turned into a wolf, Jake."

She could hear him exhale beside her. She closed her eyes and waited.

"And I loved you, Bells." Jacob breathed into her hair as he pulled her to him. "Before I turned into a wolf."

She cried. This time her tears soaked into his skin instead of his t-shirt. This time they were laying on her bed and not standing in the entry way of his best friend's house. This time, there was something between them that hadn't be acknowledged before.

This time, Jacob cried with her.

* * *

Jacob was still there when she woke up on Wednesday morning to the sound of her alarm clock. She turned it off and looked at him. His face was completely relaxed in sleep.

Instead of getting up – instead of pulling herself out of his arms that had cradled her the whole night – she pressed herself back into him and decided there was no way she was going to school.

She woke up again some hours later to the feeling of his hands in her hair. She looked at him, sleepily, under her eyelashes.

He was watching her with that intense expression again, but it did not scare her.

"Are you hungry?" Jacob asked her.

"Are you hungry?" She responded, her voice slurred and husky from sleep.

"Yeah." He admitted, his hands soft on her forehead.

Bella pulled herself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and her hair, the curls falling down to her hips. Her t-shirt was a size too big and fell below the elastic waist of her underwear.

She probably should have felt at least mildly embarrassed about walking around in front of Jacob in her underwear, but she figured if they were soul mates, he would get over it.

It was something she had never felt comfortable with Edward. She had always put on sweatpants to sleep in and she always wore a bra to bed, when he would sneak into her window at night and lay beside her as she slept.

It never felt as right as it did with Jacob.

She had always been waiting for Edward to decide that she was too ugly. She knew that Jacob was not judging her on how she looked in her underwear.

And that kind of made all the difference.

When she went back into her bedroom, however, she pulled on a pair of sweatpants and turned back towards Jacob.

"What do you want for breakfast?" She asked him, rubbing her eyes.

Jacob pulled himself off her bed, his cut-offs were grass stained she realized. She wondered absently if she needed to change her sheets.

But then Jacob was hugging her, tight against him like she was going to disappear.

"I love you." He said to the top of her head.

"Love you too." She said easily to his shoulder. "Do you want eggs?"

* * *

 _Hi_

 _Don't be afraid to meet me – we don't have to meet. That's not a part of the assignment after all. I'm curious, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I was hoping, maybe… I'm kind of writing a novel and I wanted to know if you could read it? Give me some feedback? I can put a USB key in my next letter if you're okay. I don't really want to show it to anyone else._

 _You can say no._

 _Have you ever thought that maybe you're one of those girls that everyone sees standing up for themselves so much – that gets put in so many situations where they have to be something other than themselves – that it makes people want to protect you? That doesn't mean you're not worth something or that you're weak._

 _I've found a new power in defending – in being a protector, in a way. It's something I could have lived without, but it's not an utterly terrible as I thought it could be in the beginning. My boss and friend are still struggling – the rest of my friends are going to have to take sides, eventually. I'm worried._

 _I'm not sure there's anything I can do, though._

 _I think we're supposed to reinvent ourselves at this time of our lives. I mean, I'm a different person now than I was when I wrote you my first letter. You are too, I can tell._

 _We just kind of have to trust ourselves sometimes that we know more than we think we do._

 _It's kind of like trusting your temper. If you're constantly on edge, because you're worried about losing it all the time, you will lose it all the time. You just have to learn yourself better._

 _I think that's the biggest thing I've learned from all of this._

 _Signing off,_

 _Should we come up with fake names? Just so I have something other than a number to refer to you in my head._


	6. Chapter 6

_Just A Girl_

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Summary: Bella gets a new English teacher. It changes everything. New Moon AU. Imprint.

* * *

Despite having confessed their love for one another, Bella and Jacob's relationship didn't change much. There wasn't any time, really. While there was a new intensity between them, they had not kissed.

Bella didn't worry about it. She and Jacob had long moved passed the lines of friendship. Jacob was comfortable – safe. And she loved him utterly and she knew that he loved her.

However, it was hard the next week after their late night talk. She saw very little of him. There was a hunt going on for Victoria that Bella could not be a part of – other than minding her safety rules that Jacob had enacted, which hardly hindered her life in the slightest.

Bella was to spend as much time in La Push as possible around her work shifts and home responsibilities.

Thus, she spent a lot of time at Jacob's house – when he was not there, unfortunately. With the new up in pack patrols to cover more ground, Jacob was constantly pulled in two different directions – his desire to be with her and his instinct to abolish any threat to his land and to his mate.

It was still hard at times for her to believe that she was Jacob's mate. She could claim him. He could be hers.

He was hers, really. He had been since she had brought him the motorbikes.

Bella spent a lot of time with Emily too, as long as Sam was not there. It seemed that Sam was very persistent on not being home when Bella was there either, so they managed. Jacob had been very correct – Emily was incredibly lonely and feeling ostracized from the world at large, shoved into her small acreage surrounded by the forest; shoved into a small social circle that only held wolves.

Emily carried a lot of guilt about her relationship with Sam and it only took a few late afternoons cooking together for her to come clean to Bella, who had heard the story from Jacob before she had understood that there had been anything supernatural to do with Sam dumping his long-time girlfriend Leah for her cousin, Emily.

Sam, Emily had confessed to Bella, was not very good at assuring her concerns about that aspect of their relationship. He simply assured her that she was his imprint and he loved her very much.

Emily had sat on the too small table next to the tarp covered hole where the window used to be, and told Bella how jealous she was of Bella and Jacob's relationship.

"You guys – you're so natural with one another. I wish that it had been like that with me and Sam. I still feel… very much like I don't belong here sometimes." Emily fiddled with her tea cup, looking guilty for speaking.

"I don't know how to reassure you." Bella said softly. "It's clear Sam loves you, Emily. But I'm not really comfortable at all with the idea of imprinting."

"What do you mean?" Emily's head came up, tilted to the side in a manner that Bella had seen before in dogs that didn't understand what was going on. Bella wondered if wolves did the same thing and if this manner was contagious. She wondered how much of the wolf instinct really affected her friends' lives. "I thought that you were okay with being Jacob's imprint?"

"I am." Bella said, not really sure how to get her point across. "I'm okay with it because I know that he didn't fall in love with me because of some kind of supernatural attachment. He loved me before he phased. And it was the same for me."

"Oh." Emily's face crumpled. "I try very hard to convince myself that Sam isn't just with me because of this wolf thing. I try to believe that if he hadn't phased, he still would have wanted me."

"I'm not saying that he wouldn't have." Bella was quick to reassure. "I'm just saying that I would be a lot more upset about my choices being taken away – about Jacob's choices being taken away – if I hadn't already been ready to give him everything before he phased."

"But, Bella," Emily came back, looking strangely like a wilting flower, "Imprints are supposed to be their soul mates. I am was made for Sam and you were made for Jacob. We're supposed to be whatever they need, somehow."

"No, I don't believe that." Bella shook her head. She could see Emily, her gentle movements, her kind demeanor, the three scars curling across her beautiful face. She could see Emily with her soft personality and wondered if this is what she looked like when she had been dating Edward. "We as imprints aren't just supposed to drop our lives because they imprinted on us. We're not supposed to change ourselves because of some supernatural force. I'm not going to bow my head to Jacob just because he looked at me one day a little bit longer than he did before. I refuse to believe that imprinting forces us into a life that we didn't want for ourselves." Bella looked at Emily strongly, pointedly. The woman looked down at her hands, her russet cheeks dark red. "Jacob and I fit together; it's not just me being what he needs or even him being what I need. It's about supporting each other and it's about asking for things when they aren't automatically given. Jacob supports who I am as a person and he's shown me, more than anything, that I don't have to give him my identity to prove that I love him." Bella looked down at her hands, debating with herself, and finally decided that if she could go back in time and speak to herself when she had the same look about her that Emily had right now, she would want to drive the message home. "I'm afraid, Emily, that you gave up everything for Sam and he's taking it for granted because of some supernatural force that made him think he could claim you as his without letting you claim yourself first."

It only took a few seconds for Emily to slowly gather herself up from her chair and leave the room. Bella had long sense discovered that Emily hid a lot in her own house – away from anyone in it. Emily was terrified of anything going wrong around her – terrified of the wolves, in several aspects. Something Sam had taught her to be afraid of, it seemed. It wasn't just from her experience, it was more at the deep distrust Sam seemed to have in his packmates at their ability to control their tempers around his imprint.

It made Emily the odd one out – it left her with no sense of belonging in a place that she was meant to belong. It was why she was trying so hard, Bella knew, to form a friendship with the only other imprint in the pack. But Bella refused to do as Emily had done. She was done being that girl.

When Jacob and Paul had flew through the window in the kitchen, Emily had stayed away from the scene as Bella had pulled glass shards from Embry, from Jared. Emily had been taught to ignore any drama occurring – she had been taught to run away.

Maybe it was for her own good, Bella mused as she started her car and headed back to Forks, that Emily be cautious around the pack for they did have the ability to be very dangerous. But it left Emily without the ability to know the pack. Sure, she cooked for them, but she did not sit at the table with them and really get to know them.

Bella hadn't had that opportunity either, because she had only just met everyone a week ago. Because they were out right now trying to protect her.

If she was going to be tied to something for the rest of her life because that something was tied to Jacob and she loved Jacob – she could feel it in her chest like a thousand paperweights that made her want to fly instead of sink – she was going to strive to find her place within that something. She would not live her life in fear.

Bella thought of Edward then, the way his eyes had looked in the forest and his pleading words for "Don't do anything reckless or stupid." Bella had been desperately trying to find ways to defy his request, because Edward didn't deserve any loyalty from her. It had started with the desire to hear his voice – the motorbike rebuilding. But somewhere along the way, Jacob had started rebuilding her along with the motorbikes and she didn't need Edward anymore as a crutch.

She had loved him – she had loved all of them – she knew this without a doubt. But she was kind of convinced that she loved Jacob more.

* * *

Jacob had been waiting on her front porch for her – shirtless and shoeless. Charlie's car was nowhere to be seen. The street lights that lined the small road flickered in the beginnings of the storm. It had yet to begun raining.

Bella put the car in park and turned the key, grabbing her backpack from the passenger seat as she went. Jacob stood up as she got close to him. The size of the shadows that came off of him in the flickering lights would have terrified her had he been anything else.

"Bells." He said to her as she reached him. She leaned in to hug him, her backpack heavy over her shoulder. She had tried to do homework at La Push today. Calculus was too hard.

His arms pulled her to him, holding her tightly to him for a brief moment before stepping back from her. Now, apparently, was not a time for them to fall into each other for ten minutes.

"Quil phased." Jacob said to her, his voice seemingly part of the darkness.

"Is he okay?" Bella asked. She was worried but also relieved, because Quil would be back. Jacob and Embry would be complete again.

"He's scared, but so happy just to know what's going on." Jacob looked so tired. She grasped his hand and pulled him to the front door, unlocking it easily and inviting him inside. She didn't bother turning on the kitchen or living room lights, only leading him to her bedroom.

It should have felt strange, pulling a boy behind her to her bedroom in the pitch blackness. They could do anything, she supposed. Her father wasn't home. There was a storm brewing behind the hills.

If she wanted to, she could strip down in front of her and she was pretty sure he wouldn't say no. But now was not the time for that.

When her bedroom light illuminated Jacob's face, she saw just how much he was bothered by the events of Quil's phase.

"Talk to me." She said, finally, when they had sat side by side on her bed for a moment. Their knees touched – hers denim clade knee against his bare knee.

"I wanted to tell him what was going on before it happened." Jacob confessed, not looking at her. "As soon as I phased and understood what was happening, I wanted to tell Quil so that he wouldn't be so fucking terrified when it happened. The signs are there. Once they show up, there's no stopping the phase. But Sam, in all his godliness, didn't think telling him before the event would be a good thing."

Bella had no idea what to say to that. It seemed easy enough to her that Quil could have known before he phased – if it was such a sure than that he would phase and they weren't just opening the supernatural door to a boy that didn't have to know about it.

"You have no idea what it's like, Bells, when you phase the first time. It's…. terrifying. It's so fucking painful and confusing – it's like the whole world has been pulled out from underneath you and you suddenly have to live inside of a volcano."

Bella ached for him.

"I just wanted to save Quil from that, y'know? He's my best friend."

"I know." She said, because she believe him. Because she loved him.

"He wants to see you." Jacob said, turning to her, changing the subject.

"Okay."

Jacob watched her for a long moment and then, "Sam doesn't want her anywhere near Emily for a while since he's newly phased. Emily is his imprint after all and he wants to protect her. And we are dangerous."

It sounded like Jacob was talking more to himself than to Bella.

"Sam's mind was so angry at the idea of Quil even being near Emily – so worried that he would lose her." Jacob reached to touch her cheek softly. She closed her eyes, pressing her nose into his palm. "But the idea of you seeing Quil doesn't bother me. It doesn't worry me."

He sounded so confused.

"Jacob," Bella said, pulling his hand from her face to cradle it in her hand. "Just because Sam and Emily are the only other imprinted couple does not mean that they were the cookie cutter mold for what we have to be."

"I guess, I just figured that I should react like he is." Jacob admitted.

"Quil is my friend." Bella said firmly. "And I trust him. So do you."

"I do." Jacob acknowledged. "With my life." He looked a Bella for a moment. "With your life."

Bella nodded. "Sam doesn't trust any of you."

"No." Jacob said, looking away from her to the walls of her bedroom. "He doesn't."

"And that is going to be his downfall." Bella squeezed Jacob's hand. "You guys are a pack – you're brothers. You share minds, Jacob. You kill vampires together. You have to trust each other."

"I don't trust Sam. Or Paul." Jacob whispered. "There's always a part of me that waits for them not to show up when they're needed because of some self-righteous desire or something. It's going to get someone killed."

Bella rested her head on Jacob's shoulder.

"I trust Embry…and Quil. Always have and always will."

"And Jared?" Bella wanted to know, remembering the way his eyes had clenched shut when she had pulled a sharp spike of glass from his neck.

"I don't know yet. I don't think Jared knows."

"Eventually, I think," Bella began softly, into Jacob's shoulder almost like she was trying to muffle the words so that he would not hear them. "All of you are going to have to decide."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

* * *

 _Hi,_

 _I would be more than happy to read your novel! I have a lot of time on my hands that I need something to do. Please send it in your next letter._

 _I admit that I've been looking forward to your letters. I thought that this project would be a lot harder – a lot more tiring than it has turned out to be._

 _And I'm pretty sure that I'm just the weak link in all of my relationships and that's why people have to protect me all the time. Somehow, I'm always surround by people that are mightier than I am. I just want to prove to the world that I am more than a human, y'know? I mean, there's more to humans than just their species. This sounds confusing I'm sure. But personality is a huge factor in everything – how you inertly are is what makes you up. I wish that people would get passed their egos! I wish that people like me would stand up for themselves. I wish that I had started seeing the world differently a long time ago. I wish I had never started._

 _I regret a lot of things. I'm just not sure if I regret them enough that if I had the ability to change them, I would. Because all of those regrets made up who I am today. I wouldn't be knowledgeable enough to regret them if I had not done them. Kind of like a paradox._

 _I'm not really one for sci-fi._

 _I hope your novel isn't in the sci-fi genre now, because I'm afraid I offended you. It's no matter, though, because I would read it anyway. As cheesy as it sound, just because you wrote it._

 _And I think you've changed a lot too. Maybe these letters are more about us documenting our own change than helping each other. I've found a lot of clarity writing these – almost as much as what you have written gave me._

 _If we're giving ourselves names, you can call me Bee. Like a bumble bee. Because they're so small and fragile, but without them the world would fall apart as we know it._

 _Kind of egotistical for me to choose that, I suppose. I hope you won't hold it against me_

 _Yours,_

 _Bee_

* * *

Jacob was gone when Bella awoke. There was no evidence that he had been in her bedroom half the night, holding her as the skies raged overhead. There was a flood across the main roads and school had been cancelled for the day. Charlie was out, ordering man power about, getting people who were stuck on the roads to safety; getting fallen trees off of people's houses. For as rainy as Forks, Washington was, they hardly ever had such storms as the one which had occurred the night before.

The sky showed no hint of its previous rages as Bella opened the front door to stand on the small porch. Instead, the sky was cloudless and a bright, "it's a boy!" blue.

But the grass was sloshy, there were two inches of water sitting atop the concrete sidewalk up to the front door, and a tree had fallen down at an angle to the house, barely missing her beloved truck.

Bella breathed in the smell of water in the air and thought about her wolves, no doubt running in this weather.

She had worried about them last night, when Jacob had looked out her bedroom window at the dark, tumbling skies. He had seemed worried, too.

"They haven't called me in yet. If it was that bad, I would have been needed." Jacob had said to her, without the need of her voicing her fears.

"Do they know that you're here?" Bella had asked, wondering how Jacob would be reached should he be needed.

Jacob had laughed softly, his smile glowed at her. "I'm always here, Bells, as long as Sam hasn't got me doing something else."

"Or you're in school." Bella spoke, her heart fluttering with the knowledge that Jacob honestly wished to spend time with her.

"Yeah."

"You are doing okay in school, right?"

"It's hard, with all the patrols to keep up. But it'll get better as soon as we catch this fucking leech." Jacob's voice was soft.

"Please," Bella said, her stomach in her throat. "Don't fall behind because of me. If you need help, we can do homework together or something."

Jacob had touched her shoulder softly, "Easy, Bells. I'm not failing. But maybe I could use some help in English."

"Anytime." Bella touched his hand that was touching her shoulder.

"It's hard being away from you." Jacob admitted, watching her in the darkness. While her eyes strained due to the lack of light, she was sure that Jacob had no problem seeing her face with his wolf-improved vision.

"I'm sorry." It was hard for her too, being away from him.

"Part of it is the imprint." Jacob admitted. "Part of it is just because I love you."

"I love you too." Bella replied, feeling that magnetic force between them, begging her to attach herself to him and never let him go.

She had wanted to kiss him then, but hadn't. Instead, she had hugged him and waited out the storm.

As the birds were chirping bright the next morning and Bella stood outside, her bare feet on the soaked wood of the porch, she wished that she had kissed him.

Instead, she turned around and headed to the kitchen, fixing herself coffee and a pop tart, spreading out her homework on the table. She stayed in comfortable clothes – she wouldn't be leaving the house today even to go to La Push due to the flooding.

Bella was writing a detailed essay for an application for a college close to where her mother lived, when there was a knock on the door.

She pulled herself up from her chair, shaking out her legs for a moment to get the feeling back in her ankles from where she had been sitting on them, before she hesitated in front of the doorknob. A thing that deeply bothered her at Charlie's house was there was no peak-out window to see who was knocking. You just had to open the door to find out.

A more hysterical part of her brain warned her that it could be Victoria. A more logical part of her brain said that Victoria would not knock on the front door like a civilized human.

When the door was pulled aside, it was only Embry – his hair dripping onto his bare shoulders, in a pair of cut-offs that looked as if they had seen better days.

"Hey, I didn't mean to scare you." Embry said, watching her.

Of course, Embry could hear her heart rate. Bella smiled and invited him in.

"It's okay. Things have just been tense lately."

"You could say that again." Embry muttered, looking out over her kitchen. She was going to have to mop the floor again when he left.

"It's really bad out there." Embry said instead, looking back at her. "The main highways are flooded. A tree fell on Jake's place last night."

"Is Billy okay?" Bella felt selfish for having Jacob in her home last time when he should have been caring for his father. When he should have been looking after his own home.

"Yeah, but the roof is pretty torn up." Embry leaned against the kitchen wall and closed his eyes.

"Are you okay, Em?" Jacob's nickname for Embry came off her tongue so easily that she didn't realize she had used it until Embry's lips slid into a side-ways smile.

"Just tired, Bells." He opened one eye to look at her. It twinkled.

She grinned at him.

"I don't suppose you have any food?" He asked, looking at the kitchen once more.

Suddenly, everything made sense to Bella. Embry wanted food.

Bella felt something build in her chest as she walked around Embry and started pulling out fixings from the fridge, from the cabinets. Cooking was something she could do and she did it well.

"What do you want?" Bella asked, categorizing ingredients into what she might be able to make. She would need to make a grocery trip soon.

"Anything's okay." Embry said, sitting himself at the table and glancing over the papers she had strewn about.

"You're applying to the University of Florida?" Embry's voice had a quality to it that almost made her drop the gallon of milk as she lifted it to the counter. She turned to look at him. "You're planning to leave Forks?" He looked at her directly, protectiveness in his eyes.

Bella remembered what Jacob had said last time – that it was hard being away from her partly become of the imprint. Despite the new up in patrols, she had seen Jacob every day – sometimes only for a few minutes, but always enough for him to inhale as he pressed his face into her hair. She wondered if he did that more to appease the wolf than the man.

Bella wondered if she had actually wanted to go to the University of Florida and told Jacob about it what he would say. He would never tell her no, if that's what she wanted.

"I'm applying for my mom." Bella said, watching Embry's face closely. "She's been really insistent that I try to go to college near her."

"Do you want to?" Embry's face softened slightly, but his eyes were still dark.

"No." Bella admitted. "I'm hoping to get into UW."

"Really?" Embry's face complete transformed. "Have you looked at their website? They have a really good English program."

"I know." Bella answered, her face feeling less like plastic as she moved back towards where she had started mixing up pancakes. "And it's only in Seattle. I could come visit and you guys could home visit me."

"We can run to Seattle." Embry informed her. "It's not a bad run, either. It's just once we get into the city, we can't stay phased."

They chatted a bit more about the English department at UW. Bella was surprised about how well informed Embry was and when she asked him, he blushed and explained that UW was where he wanted to go to college – if Sam would let him.

"I mean, it makes sense right now since we've got this red head leech around, but I've got another year before I would leave. It's just… Sam had this big scholarship to a UCLA and he phased the week before he was supposed to drive down for term. Needless to say, he never went. I think he feels that…" Embry cut himself off, looking embarrassed.

"What is it?" Bella flipped a pancake and turned to him.

"I think he feels like since he didn't get to go to college because of this wolf thing, than none of us can either." Embry's voice was toneless.

Bella suddenly hated Sam. It wasn't just because of what he thought of her anymore – that had only given her a general dislike of the man. It was how he treated his pack that infuriated her.

"Embry," She moved closer to him and looked him straight in the eye. "If you want to go to college, you fucking go to college." And then she turned back to her pancakes.

Maybe Jacob's vocabulary had been rubbing off on her, but he did have a way of getting his point across. Bella just wanted people to listen to her.

* * *

"Could I ask you some questions about imprinting?" Bella asked Embry later, when his plate was finally empty and the sun was no longer shinning directly through the window above the kitchen sink.

"Shouldn't you ask Jake that stuff?" Embry looked slightly concerned. "I mean, you guys did talk about it didn't you? I thought you were okay with it all? If you're not, Jake's going to be crushed. I know that you may think it's like a chain or something, but it doesn't have to be that way! And he really loves you, Bella. Hell, he loved you way before the imprint. Remember that day at Quil's when you started ranting about Edward? That was actually the day I phased… Anyway, Jacob told us that he loved you."

Bella blinked in shock, having not expected that reaction. "You phased the day I told you about Edward?"

"Um, yeah." Embry rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding her eyes. "It made me really mad that he did that to you."

"You cared that much?" There was a balloon being blown up in her heart.

"I don't know if you saw it, Bella. But Quil and I really liked you. Still do, of course. Partly because of how ferociously Jacob felt about you, but also because you're a neat person and fun to be around. And you got better every time we saw you, brighter. You have this kind of glow about you that makes people want to be near you."

Bella had never heard anyone talk about her so openly as she was now. Of course, Jacob told her that he loved her and obviously he wanted to be around her, but he had never needed to use his words about the whys of it. Bella had always just been aware that Jacob was someone she could trust and love without being fearful. Jacob was someone who would protect her just because of who she was, not because of what she could do for him. But he had never spoke the words as plainly as what was coming out of Embry's mouth.

"I have this ridiculous protective instinct where you're concerned." Embry admitted. "It only intensified when I phased. I kind of thought I was messed up in the head. Jared thought I had a crush on you. And I was so angry that I couldn't see you anymore – I wondered for a long time if you would think I stopped hanging out with you because of what you said that day and I didn't want you to think that." Embry glanced up at her, as if expecting her to say that she _had_ thought that.

"That didn't even occur to me." Bella admitted. Embry smiled.

"Anyway, after Jacob phased and I could really feel how he felt about you – how protective he was of you – it didn't feel as odd anymore. And Quil, he feels the same. Jacob told you that he phased yesterday." It wasn't a question. "Quil thinks it's because you're Jacob's imprint and since he's the rightful alpha, it makes it instinctual for us to protect you as well – you're kinda like the alpha female or whatever. But I think it's just because of who you are. I mean, you ran with vampires, y'know. And they saved you from that other leech. Clearly, people around you want to protect you."

"You don't think…. You don't think it's because I'm weak?"

Embry stared blankly at her. "Why would you think that?"

"Don't you think it's odd," Bella began, "That I keep getting attached to supernatural beings?"

Embry cocked his head to the side. "I never really thought about that."

"With the Cullens, I didn't really seek them out. I guess, I tried to figure out what was odd about them, but I didn't force myself on them. Edward made the first move."

"Maybe it's just because you're irresistible." Embry teased.

Bella shook her head at him, feeling heat underneath the skin of her face. "Can I ask my questions now?"

Embry stood up straighter. "Hit me." He said.

"First, I'm really okay with all of this, Em. I love Jacob." It felt different telling someone else that she loved Jacob. She hadn't announced her feelings from the rooftops this time, opposed to how she had been with Edward. She and Jacob weren't even in an official relationship yet. But at the same time, she wasn't as defensive with her love for Jacob as she had felt for Edward. She had constantly been waiting for everyone to judge her on her relationship with Edward – that she wasn't good enough for him and he was stupid to be with her. But it didn't feel at all like that with Jacob.

She really needed to stop comparing them.

"We just didn't talk a lot about them mechanics of imprinting." She admitted. "I mean, he explained to me what it was and we established that he had imprinted on me, but sometimes he says things and I feel like there are things that are attached to imprinting that I don't know about." Bella looked at her hands. "It makes him so uncomfortable to talk about it." The confession made her chest lighter.

"It's partly because he doesn't want to freak you out." Embry said. "It's also because Jacob doesn't really like the concept of imprinting in the way that Sam views it – which is really all of what we know of imprinting. Sam's the only one that's got access to the old journals of the last pack."

"Because he's alpha."

"Yeah."

"So we really don't know exactly what imprinting is?"

Embry grimaced. "I don't really know. A lot of the stuff that affects us as wolves – like imprinting – was passed by word of mouth until the last pack, who decided to actually try to keep a documentation of all of the information. From what I've heard, they didn't want to burden their children with that kind of information when they may never have to use it."

"So they wrote journals."

"Yeah. And the counsel keeps them on lockdown, I don't even think they've read them. They're only to be opened by the alpha, apparently. But I'm not quite sure Sam has even read them. I've just seen the existence of them in his mind, but he's really good at hiding his thoughts."

Bella clenched her teeth for a moment and then let out a breath through her nose. "So what do we know about imprinting?"

"Really only what it feels like. And Emily's got a bunch of theories – she's told you, hasn't she?"

Bella nodded.

"I know that it's really uncomfortable for Jacob to be away from you for longer than twenty four hours. It was before he imprinted actually. But it's worse now - it's physically painful for the wolf."

Bella blinked. She figured that there was something along the lines to that, but she wasn't expecting such a short limit of time.

"That's going to make college hard." She said softly.

Embry gave her a sympathetic smile. "Yeah."

Bella looked regretfully at the papers on the table, a lump in her throat. She could never leave Jacob to be in physical pain just because she wanted to go to college. She had a good job in Forks – she could stay here with her dad for another year while Jacob finished his senior year and then they could find a school to go to together. Unless, of course, Jacob didn't want to go to college.

A huge bolder was in her stomach now.

Bella really wanted to go to college. Her mother had always told her that college life would suit her. As tough of a time she was having trying to figure out what she wanted to do with her life, she knew for sure that she wanted to go college. She just didn't know what she wanted to do after college – or even at college. But as Embry said, UW had a fantastic English program.

And Bella had started getting inspired recently. She wanted to write again. She wanted to read again. She wanted to be herself again. She didn't want to be Emily.

"Bella," Embry spoke, gaining her attention once more. "Jacob would never, ever ask you not to go to college."

"I know." Bella said. And she believed it, truly. "But I could never ever ask Jacob to be in physical pain just so that I can rack up student loans."

"Things can be worked out." Embry said fiercely, reaching out for the application papers on the table and shoving them back in front of her. "If you want to go to college, you fucking go to college."

* * *

 _Bee,_

 _I have included my novel. It hasn't really been edited, so go easy on me, alright? I've never shown it to anyone and… Teachers have told me I'm a good writer, but it's kind of hard to have faith in yourself about things you keep super private, y'know? Like some things you do publicly – like sports for instance – and a lot of people see you do it and tell you you're good at it so you start believing them. But if you never show what you can do to anyone, then no one ever tells you you're good at it and then you doubt yourself and fall into a hole of misery._

 _And that's when writer's block comes._

 _You're writing more. I don't know if you've noticed, but I think you're getting creative again. I agree with you that these letters have done me some good. Both of us. I vote we keep writing until the end of the school year – if you want to, of course._

 _Are you a senior? You don't have to tell me. I'm a junior though._

 _I am not going to dignify your "I'm weak argument." with anymore reassurances because frankly, you're being ridiculous. You remind me of this girl I know – she's as tough as nails, but constantly thinks she's falling behind everyone else just because she doesn't have the exactly skill set, you could say. But I still love her. Very platonically though…. If we're focusing on confessions, though, I can say that I think I could have loved her differently. Some things you have to force yourself not to look at differently._

 _But maybe you need to start looking at yourself through others eyes – like seriously, go a day and each person you talk to, pretend that you're seeing yourself as they see you. Really try, though. Don't just brush yourself off. No one is as stereotypical as they seem. Stereotypical doesn't even exist, if you want my opinion._

 _Nice name by the way. And I don't think it's egotistical. To be completely honestly, I have no idea what name to give you. Maybe you'd like to come up with something?_

 _Your friend,_

 _P.S. The novel is sci-fi. And I am totally laughing at you._


	7. Chapter 7

_Just A Girl_

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Summary: Bella gets a new English teacher. It changes everything. New Moon AU. Imprint.

* * *

There were a thousand things that Bella wanted to say to Jacob when she saw him that evening. Charlie was home and camped out on the couch, his snores echoing through the kitchen. Jacob was raiding the refrigerator. Bella was still at the table, finishing up her Calculus homework. The college applications sat in a neat pile under her history textbook – hidden from Jacob's eyes.

"Where's the mustard?" Jacob muttered, more to himself that to her.

"It's all gone." Bella grimaced. "I haven't been able to get to the store with everything going on. I was going to go today, but the flooding…"

Jacob rolled his eyes at her, the corners of his mouth perked up. "How can I possibly survive without mustard?"

Bella stood up and walked over to Jacob, looping her arms around his waist. "You'll have to find something else, I guess."

Jacob's half made sandwich was forgotten as he wrapped his arms around her. He stared down at her. "Do you have any suggestions?"

Suddenly, Bella could see all the possibilities. She blushed, pressing her forehead into his chest. "There's still miracle whip."

Jacob laughed, a sound that Bella had not heard much in the past week as the hunt for Victoria commenced. Jacob had been so tense around the edges – all of his lines firm and unmolding to outside influences. The only time his body seemed to give way was when she was standing like this, curved into his form like an extension of his skin.

Jacob kissed the top of her head and released her. Bella leaned back against the counter, watching as his finished an entire loaf of bread and the last of the sandwich fixings. She didn't mind one bit.

"Did you do anything interesting today?" Jacob asked, after swallowing a bite, ketchup dotted one side of his mouth. Without thinking about it, Bella reached up to swipe her thumb across his face.

The whole world froze just for a moment as they stared at one another. Bella stepped back quickly, wiping her finger on her jean clad thighs.

"Embry stopped by today."

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "What did you guys do?"

There was no jealousy or worry when Jacob voiced his question. A part of Bella relaxed that she didn't realize had been tense to begin with.

Edward had never wanted her to be around male company without him – especially the company of his brothers. Jacob carried no such inhibitions – with the exception of Sam and Paul, both whom Bella had no desire to be alone with ever.

"I made some pancakes and he helped me with some college applications." Bella watched him, wanting to know how he would react to the topic of college.

They had never talked about their future before. The only thing Bella really knew was that Jacob would be in her future and she would be in his.

There was only a sliver of doubt inside the old corners of the scar across her heart that had once been a gabbing, suckling wound.

"So you make Embry pancakes but leave me to fend for myself?" Jacob said in mock outrage.

Bella laughed, a warm sound with no harshness around the edges.

"What colleges are you applying too?" Jacob asked.

Bella shrugged. "Kind of everywhere, to be honest."

"Got a favorite?"

"UW."

Jacob smirked. "I can see why Embry was so keen on helping you out. He's been looking forward to applying to UW since the eighth grade."

"He's really interested in their English program." Bella said. "I knew that he read a lot, but I didn't realize that he wanted to make a career out of it."

"He writes. He's really good." There was as softness to his words that spoke of how much he cared about his friend.

"How's Quil?" Bella asked, watching as Jacob washed his plate off in the kitchen sink.

"Good. He's got a very interesting brain." Jacob shook his head, obviously amused by an inside joke.

"I can't imagine having to share my mind with anyone."

Jacob sighed and moved over towards her. In a movement that was entirely unexpected, Jacob lifted her up onto the counter like she was as light as a feather and angled himself so he was standing between her parted knees. There was an easiness to his movements that relaxed Bella, despite the intimacy of their position.

"It's really hard sometimes. I think I have a better time of it because of bloodlines and stuff. But it's really easy to get distracted by all of the thoughts that aren't your own. It easier with Em and Quil – we know each other so well already that we just kind of…work."

"Bloodlines?"

Jacob tensed a little, looking away from her eyes.

"You don't have to tell me, Jake."

"No, it's okay." Jacob gave her a painful looking smile. "I'm rightful alpha."

Something pulled at Bella's chest. She remembered Embry's words from earlier this afternoon. Something about his being especially protective over her because she was the rightful alpha's mate. The alpha female, Embry had said.

"What do you mean?"

"It all has to do with bloodlines. The Black family – my family is the alpha line. We're the direct offspring of the first alpha. I was basically born to be alpha, if my generation phased." Jacob didn't sound very happy about what he was saying. Bella started running her fingers across the back of his neck.

"Then why is Sam alpha?"

"Because he phased first. Someone had to step up to be alpha once Paul phased. Sam was the logical choice. He's the bloodline of beta."

"Beta?"

"The alpha's second. Basically, if the alpha isn't around or if needs help, it's the beta's job to pick up the slack." Jacob wasn't looking at her, but at his hand that was balanced on the dip of her waist. She was almost eye level with him, sitting on the counter.

"So Sam was born to be beta like you were born to be alpha?"

"Yeah. The alpha is always a Black and the beta is always a Uley. Until now, I guess."

"So why didn't you take over once you phased?" Bella asked, wanting him to look at her. There was no judgement in her words, only curiosity.

"Because I don't want to be alpha." Jacob's words were very soft.

It didn't make a lot of sense to her that Jacob would step away from his birthright – especially when Sam had proven himself to her as a bad leader. But Jacob had been shoved into so many roles at such a young age. He was his father's primary caretaker and now a vampire hunter. Who could blame him for not wanting to be alpha of a pack of teenage wolves?

"Okay." She accepted, not asking for a detailed explanation. Jacob's demeanor was enough of one.

Jacob, however, felt a need to explain.

"I didn't want the responsibility. I know that sounds selfish and juvenile, but I didn't want this life. I just want to be normal."

Bella felt like this had been weighing on Jacob for a long time.

"There's no such thing as normal, Jake." She admitted, pressing her hand under his chin to bring his eyes to hers. "I know that you don't want the responsibility, but I think – at least one day – you won't have a choice."

Jacob closed his eyes, rubbing his cheek against her hand with a pained expression on his face. "I know."

* * *

Jacob had left around nine o'clock that evening when a wolf howl had rung out there the trees. Bella was now packing up her books and tugging them up the stairs. Charlie was still asleep on the couch and Bella debated with herself about waking him. He had a long day today– and yesterday night – fighting through the storm and then the wreckage.

Bella shook him gently. "Dad?"

Charlie woke up abruptly, looking confused. "Bella?"

"Yeah, it's me. It's getting kind of late and I don't think you want to sleep all night on the couch."

"Right." Charlie answered ruffling, pulling himself up from his recliner. "You heading to bed?"

"Yeah." Bella said. She lingered for a moment at the staircase. "Goodnight."

Charlie didn't look at her, instead pressing the remote to turn off the television. "Goodnight," came off of his tongue like an afterthought.

Bella mourned for the relationship she would never have with her father. She knew that he cared for her, but he had lost any respect he had for her in the past months. She was trying desperately to build it back up, but Charlie seemed to look at her with his eyes shut now-a-days.

Her bed was starting to feel empty without Jacob curled up beside her. She was worried about him. Instead of sleeping, she thought about what she had learned today.

Imprinting was a basic unknown – but Jacob could not function with her too far due to their bond. She would have to take this into consideration for the rest of her life. Should she be upset? She wasn't right now. Would she be later? Would she get tired of Jacob? She couldn't see herself ever feeling suffocated by his arms, but time caused a lot of changes. The pinpricks of doubt in her chest throbbed.

There were journals written by the last pack that could help explain imprinting and who knows what else, but it was against tribal law to share it with anyone other than the current alpha. Sam had proven that he was against sharing any information he had gained from the journals – unless he just hadn't read them, as Embry assumed.

Jacob was rightful alpha. He could fix all of this conflict with Sam if he would step up to take his birthright. He could read the journals once he had claimed his position and he would share the information with his packmates. He would let them go to college. He would not stand when everyone else was sitting just so he felt bigger. He would still be Jacob. However, Jacob _didn't want_ to be alpha. Bella was not going to demand that of him if he didn't want it. A part of her really understood his reasoning. Another more selfish part knew that it made a lot more sense for Jacob to take over.

There was definitely sexual tension between them.

Bella pondered on the last thought for a while.

* * *

Bella must have fallen asleep at some point, because she woke suddenly when a figure landed on her bedroom floor with a dull thump – from the bedroom window. She sat up immediately because she _knew_ that it was not Jacob. She had a sixth sense when it came to Jacob – there was a certain feeling of ease whenever he was around. The figure standing at the foot of her bed, dark shadows hiding his face, did not give her any sense of easy.

She was frozen. The breeze from the window gave her goosebumps.

"Bella." The figure said.

"Quil? What's going on?"

"Bella." There was an urgency in his voice. "We need to get you out of here."

"What?" Bella climbed out of bed, tossing her covers from her legs.

"C'mon," Quil urged her, stepping into the lines of moonlight. He was taller than she had last seen him. "Get some warm clothes on, we're going for a run."

 _Run?_

Bella shook off the completely rational lines of fear twisting inside of her mind for the completely irrational calmness that she had always been able to reach in times of utter distortion. Quil would not be in her bedroom, sweeping her away, if there was not a certain urgency.

"Charlie?" She asked breathlessly as she tugged a pair of jeans up her thighs.

"He's gone, already." Quil said, grabbing her jacket from the back of her door and helping her into it.

Bella didn't remember him leaving, but Quil had supernatural senses and she trusted him.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Ready." She confirmed.

With the movement of something inhumane, Quil swept her into his arms and jumped from her window. He handed with the grace of a cat – or, she supposed, a wolf.

Before he sat her down, he hugged her to him like a child.

"Missed you, Bells." Quil breathed into her hair.

"You too, Q." Bella pressed her nails into his shoulder.

At quick as the moment had come, Quil had set her on the ground and started jogging away. "I'll be right back!" He whispered roughly in the darkness.

Bella nodded. Her calves were shaking, but she stood like an anchor in the grass. The darkness was cornering her on all edges and she wished that she had freaky night vision too.

Only a minute later, Quil reemerged from the trees. Only it was not Quil. It was a caramel colored wolf.

 _It's Quil._ Bella remind herself. She had never seen any of them in their wolf forms before. They were huge and she realized while feeling a slight fluctuation in her breathing that they certainly looked like vampire hunters to her.

The wolf gave a small whine and Bella snapped out of whatever trance she had fallen into. She walked with purpose right up to the wolf, feeling the forced calm once again.

"Where to, Scooby doo?" She asked.

The wolf seemed to grin at her, tongue flopping out the side of its mouth. As soon as Bella smiled back, it jerked its head in the general direction of its back.

"You want me to get on your back?" Bella stared at the wolf, who seemed to be highly amused at this point. "Wouldn't that give you back trouble? I don't think wolves are supposed to carry humans."

The wolf huffed at her and gave a low growl. Bella huffed back. She grabbed onto the fur at its neck and threw her leg over its back. The wolf shook itself and Bella settled with a surprising easiness.

"Geronimo." She muttered into its ear.

They took off.

They had only been running for a few minutes when two other shapes emerged from the woods to run parallel to them.

Bella pulled her face from Quil's next to try to get a good look at them, wondering if she would be able to tell the boy underneath the wolf skin.

Alas, they were running too fast – the air was stinging her eyes, creating tears that dried before them even touched her cheeks. The darkness was deeper in the forest. Bella could tell Quil was taking care not to ram her into any low hanging tree branches or rub her leg against thorn bushes. Her cheeks felt bruised by the sheer speed at which they were shredding through the forest.

It vaguely reminded her of Edward.

Bella closed her eyes once again at the ache that made itself known in her chest, pressing her face back into the fur of Quil's neck. The heat that he was emitting was keeping her warm.

Bella allowed herself to think of Edward – the day he had run them to the meadow in the woods. He had been beautiful to her them. Those memories felt tainted now. She thought of Jacob instead – the way he had easily stood himself in between her knees as she sat on the counter. The heat of his hand against her waist.

The running abruptly stopped. The force of it sent Bella tumbling to the ground beside Quil's form, her fingers unable to hold on. She was definitely going to have a bruise on her side.

Quil's wolf whined and moved to cover her from some unknown threat. The threat, Bella was sure, that they were running from in the first place.

There was a wolf next to her now, a speckled gray wolf with black paws. Its fur pressed against her cheek.

 _Embry._ Bella knew without a doubt.

Bella tried to stand up – her knees wobbled, but she grabbed a fistful of each of her wolves' fur to steady herself.

She could see now what they were defending her from.

A vampire stood in front of them, red eyes looking straight into her brown ones.

 _Oh._ Bella thought. Victoria had found her.

Only, her eyes were betraying her. It took her a moment to realize that the figure standing before her was _not_ Victoria. First of all, it was a man. A young man. A boy, probably her age. She tried to open her mouth – to ask this boy why he wanted to kill her – when a blur shot from behind the vampire. The other wolf that had run with them had its teeth deep into the vampire's leg. It screamed.

Bella's whole body shook at the sound.

Quil pulled away from her and took long, sweeping strides to the vampires. Embry moved closer, his gray fur blocking the sight of the fight.

She had fallen to her knees, she realized. She pressed her face into Embry's side.

Bella may not have been able to see the fight, but she could hear. There were screeching sounds that could only be the tearing of vampire limbs. She had a vivid image in her head of Jasper's face contorted in utter rage, eyes black, as he twisted James' head from his body. There was a high pitched whine that could only come from one of the wolves.

She cringed.

Embry made a keening sound in his throat.

Bella had no idea if he was trying to comfort his packmate which had obviously just gotten injured – or the poor girl clinging to his side, unable to hide her terror any longer.

* * *

 _Dear friend,_

 _I haven't had a chance to read your novel yet. I'm sorry, but things have gotten super convoluted for me lately. I have a bruise on my side that's larger than my hand. I am basically the clumsiest person on the planet._

 _Please don't be worried about the quality of your writing. If it's utter crap, I promise to tell you in a very nice way._

 _I have been writing a lot more. I think my life has finally started back up again from where I was in neutral for so long. You can't write realistically without life experience, right? That's what my eighth grade writing teacher said, at least. He got fired half way through term for having an affair with one of my classmates, though. I wonder if he used that line on her._

 _Sometimes you can have too little of a life and sometimes you can have too much of a life._

 _I'm going to try to take your advice and see myself from other people's perspective. I think I've always been a remarkably self-centered person. I don't mean to be – it's just something that has evolved subconsciously. I'm trying to work on that._

 _I'm a senior this year, actually. I'm kind of afraid of graduating, because it means that everything is going to chance immensely. On the other hand, I hate high school._

 _I have absolutely no idea what name to give you. You could just be my friend? My secret friend._

 _That sounds so middle school._

 _Yours,_

 _Bee_

 _P.S. You suck._

* * *

Bella woke up to utter darkness. Her head was pounding. Her side felt like she had been hit by a truck. There was something pinning her down – on a mattress? She wasn't sure. Everything felt fuzzy, like she was in a dream. She remembered being near Embry – and Quil! He had been there… his wolf was kind of chocolate colored – or caramel. But they had been protecting her from something.

 _Oh._

A vampire had tried to kill her in the woods.

"Jacob?" Bella tried – her throat felt like sandpaper. She reached to touch the thing pinning her chest to what she officially decided in her mind was a mattress.

It was an arm laying across her chest – a very warm arm, obviously belonging to a wolf.

"Jacob?" She tried again, feeling more desperate.

The arm tightened around her, briefly. A moan sounded beside her – confirming the fact that the body which lay beside her was indeed Jacob. She wondered if it was odd that she could identify him only with the slightest of sounds.

She tried to reach that easiness that had always taken hold when Jacob was around, but it was not there. That scared her.

Bella tried to sit up, but it was impossible.

Suddenly, the door to what Bella discovered was a bedroom was opened, the hall light shining through. Embry stood, surrounded in an unearthly glow as Bella's eyes tried to adjust to the new influx of light.

"Em?" She tried, her voice rough. He looked awful – exhaustion plagued his face. His shoulders hunched with a weight that was too heavy for such a young man. Bella had the strong desire to cry. She had no idea if it was due to Embry's appearance or the current physical pain she was experiencing.

"It's alright, Bells." Embry murmured. He pushed the door all the way open – allowing Bella to see the whole room.

It was Jacob's room, of course. Jacob, himself, was curled up around her on his small mattress, looking like he had just gotten the shit beaten out of him.

Bella's insides froze. No wonder he didn't wake up when she had called for him. No wondered there was no feeling of ease. Jacob, for lack of better terms, looked like he should be dead.

She didn't realize she had started to hyperventilate until Embry was crouching at her bedside, his eyes panicked.

"Shh, Bella – it's okay. It's okay." Embry crooned tiredly, his hand reaching to stroke her hair. He glanced worriedly at Jacob's sleeping form. "He's going to start feeling your distress soon. Please calm down. Everything is okay."

Bella started taking slow breaths. The metaphoric scar in her chest was starting to regress in the healing process.

She could not lose Jacob. She couldn't.

"What happened?" She whispered.

Embry reached behind him for a moment and came back with a cup of water. Bella managed to life her head up high enough to take a sip.

"We were ambushed." Embry whispered back, his eyes falling on Jacob's form.

"The vampire in the woods."

Embry shook his head. "We took care of that one easily. It was unexpected, but not difficult to work around. The problem was, that wasn't the only surprise."

Bella stared at him, not understanding.

Embry, who seemed tired of crouching, stood up and pressed his hand under her head. She obliged and lifted it. She didn't expect him to maneuver himself so her head was resting in his lap and one leg lay parallel to her body, the other still anchoring part of his weight to the floor.

Jacob's bed felt too small already, but somehow Embry had fit himself in. Bella could not bring herself to refuse the safety that Embry provided – Jacob's weak form scared the living daylights of her.

"We caught up with the red haired leech. She was headed right for Forks – Jacob ordered Quil to get you."

Bella nodded, remembering Quil showing up in her bedroom.

"Sam disagreed, of course. Paul agreed with Sam, but Quil was already headed to you. It made no sense for him to turn around when he was so close. Right as the redhead was about to hit your property, she did a sharp turn and headed the opposite direction. We decided that she just got scared and was running away." Embry hand, which had started threading through her hair paused. Bella could practically feel the frustration pouring off of him.

"But that's not what happened." Bella guessed.

"It was a set up. Jared and I stayed behind, to follow you and Quil – just in case, y'know. We didn't expect the second leech, but we handled it. But Jacob, Paul, and Sam were following the redhead. She led them right into a nest of leeches – six of them."

Bella stopped breathing.

"Nobody expected that. They were wild – completely bloodthirsty. Jared and I took off immediately – leaving you with Quil. It made sense – Quil was newly phased and we hadn't really gone through the whole leech dismemberment technique with him. But, Bella, it was awful." There was raw agony in Embry's voice.

"Paul and Sam were working together, and Jacob was…" His cut himself off, his breath harsh. "I always had this feeling of distrust towards them, y'know? They were best friends before they phased, did you know that?"

Bella moved her hand to press into Embry's knee that was next to her side.

"Jake was had four of them on him – Sam and Paul weren't even trying to help him. I got so mad, Bella. Jared and I immediately started pulling them off of him, but he was banged up really badly. It's amazing he didn't get bitten."

Bella turned to look at Jacob. He had once told her they healed quickly. She dreaded to think of how he looked like before.

"I don't know how we managed to kill them all. It all kind of feels like a nightmare now. The redhead got away, of course. Jared and I managed to carry Jacob back here, to you. He was asking for you. He only settled once we got him next to you."

Bella pressed her other hand onto Jacob's arm, which still held her.

"What about Sam? And Paul?" She asked timidly.

"I ordered them away." Embry admitted softly.

"Ordered?"

Embry seemed extremely hesitant to respond. "I don't know how I did it, I swear, I don't. But what they did during that fight – they basically left Jake to die, Bella. I didn't want them anywhere near him. They were bragging about it – how they were more capable or some shit. I just kind of yelled at them shut up and leave. It scared me half to death when they actually listened."

"You gave a command." Bella acknowledged.

"Yeah. But I have no idea _how_."

Bella pressed her fingers tighter to Embry's knee. "Jacob said that only the alpha and beta have that kind of control over the Pack."

"As far as we know, yeah."

"I – I have a theory, Em." Bella said softly.

Embry's hands resumed their slow track through her hair. "What's your theory?"

"I think you're Jacob's beta."

"No." Bella could practically see Embry violently shaking his head even though he was positioned behind her. "Sam is the beta bloodline. Even when Jacob takes up alpha position, Sam will still be beta. There's no way around it."

"Screw bloodlines." Bella murmured. Her head was pounding. "You've been Jacob second in command since you were toddlers. You guys communicate like you have telepathy or something. I bet that Quil would be whatever the third rank is in wolf language."

Embry was silent for a long moment. Bella eyes began to feel heavy.

"I don't know who my dad is."

Bella blinked up at the ceiling.

"My mom… she refuses to tell me. I always thought it was someone from her tribe – she's not from La Push originally. But then I phased and we knew that I had to be blood related to someone with the wolf gene."

"Do you – do you have any ideas?" Bella's chest ached for him.

"I know that it's not Billy – I _know._ He would have told me. Besides, he basically adopted me anyway a long time ago. If I was actually his, he wouldn't have hid it from me."

"There must be someone that everyone…" Bella trailed off.

"Joshua Uley…" Embry sucked in a breath. "He ran off after Sam was born – probably one of the reasons he's so fucked up. The rumor is that he toured around other reservations. I think he died from alcohol poisoning a few years ago."

"Em." Bella whispered with her heart in her throat. "You're Jacob's beta."

"We don't know… we don't know that for sure."

"You ordered Sam and Paul away."

"It could be some kind of freak wolf thing that no one knows about because Sam won't read those fucking journals." Embry sounded like all the energy had been sucked from him. Bella's eyes were closed.

"Whatever happens, Em," Sleep clouded her voice, but it was no less firm. "We'll figure it out. Okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

When Bella woke for the second time, Embry was gone. Light spilled in from Jacob's bedroom window. She wondered how Jacob got any sleep during the day without curtains. He did a lot of evening patrols, she knew. He surely slept during the day – when he was not at school or with her. She would have to buy him some curtains.

 _School._

She was supposed to be a school today. She wondered what the boys had come up with as an excuse for her mid-night disappearance that ended up with her in Jacob's bed. With that thought, she turned to the presence still curled around her.

Jacob looked absolutely relaxed in his sleep. Last night, he had looked pained, straining through his injuries. Hours must have past, Bella decided. His face was completely healed up. There were no traces of a fight left on his cheekbones.

Bella, however, could still feel the ache radiating from the side of her body she had landed on when she had fallen off of Quil. She pictured trying to tell Charlie that. _Yeah, dad. I fell off of a gigantic wolf and that's why I have all these bruises._ He would totally go for that.

Jacob's arm was thrown over her stomach. She was laying on her back. She could feel his chest pressed up against her shoulder. She was very warm, but not uncomfortably so. She had gotten used to lying beside him – he did have a habit of sneaking into her bedroom at night. Unlike Edward, Jacob actually slept.

There was something about allowing yourself to fall asleep in someone's presence that mattered a lot. There was something about being able to sleep with someone that mattered a lot. That you were okay being completely relaxed around them. That you didn't wake each other up in the night. That you were okay when you woke up to find that your bodies had gravitated towards one another sometime in the cover of sleep.

Bella tried to remember moments where she had ever felt uncomfortable with Jacob. There were very few – and the moments that did exist were brief and always because she was slightly crazy.

Bella had accepted that about herself a long time ago.

She wondered where Embry had gone and what had happened to Quil and Jared. She wondered if Sam and Paul were still being held by the order that Embry had somehow inflicted upon them the previous night. She hoped so.

Jacob groaned next to her, shifting so his face was pressed into her neck. He breathed in deeply. Bella hummed softly to him, stroking her fingers across his arm that was laying across her stomach.

Jacob tried to clear his throat. She could feel his lips moving slightly against the column of her throat.

"I think there might be water on the table over here." Bella murmured to him, her voice low.

Jacob just scooted closer to her, his arm tightening around her, his lips pressed a kiss into her shoulder, over her t-shirt. She flinched as Jacob's fingers pressed against what had to be a very large bruise on her side.

Immediately, as if she had burned him, Jacob flew off of her. Before she could comprehend what was happening, Jacob was off the bed and standing in front of it, looking at her in slight horror.

"What's wrong?" Bella rushed out, sitting up. Her side protested with the movement, but she ignored it for the sake of Jacob's state of mind. "Jake?"

Jacob seemed to shake himself out of whatever state he had fallen into, instead staring at her with a gaze so intense it made her feel exposed in a way she had never thought possible.

"Did I hurt you?" His voice was husky.

"No, of course not." Bella said quickly, standing up when she realized Jacob was not moving back towards her.

"But," Jacob looked utterly confused. Concern poured from him. Bella could almost feel it as if it was her own emotion. "You're in pain. I can feel it."

Not stopping to consider how Jacob would feel her pain, Bella pressed her palms into his chest and kissed him, right above his heart.

"I fell off of a wolf last night. I think I've got a bruise on my side. It's just tender, that's all." She reassured him, softly.

Jacob's whole body gave way and he wrapped his arms around her like a protective shelf, careful not to press against her side too hard, and trapped her against his chest. She wasn't complaining. He pressed his face into her hair, like he always did. She exhaled into his collarbone.

They stood like that for a long time.

"It's going to be okay." She promised him, her voice a broken whisper. "Everything going to be okay."

Jacob didn't reply.

* * *

 _Beloved Bee,_

 _I am glad that you have such high expectations of my writing. It's nice to know that I'm being supported._

 _I'm kidding._

 _I've always believed that low expectations are better than high expectations – that way you're always surprised and rarely disappointed._

 _No worries about not having read my (amazing) novel. Things are pretty crazy for me right now too. Everything seems to have been slammed down on me at once. I feel like the world is spinning backwards, the oceans are standing up out of their designated place, and the moon might actually be made of cheese._

 _That is probably one of the oddest sentences I have ever written. It's true though._

 _I think you are completely right about the life experiences thing. It's easier for me to write things I've actually lived through – or someone I know has lived through. When someone is able to share their thoughts with you about an experience, it's almost like having the experience yourself._

 _At least that's how it is for me. I may be in a unique position though. Most of the people I hang out with are kind of vivid storytellers, you could say._

 _You don't seem very self-centered to me. But, on the other hand, I think everyone is somewhat self-centered. It's impossible not to be. And you need to be in some cases – looking after yourself is sometimes the only option. Especially if you're tied to someone closely – looking after yourself means, in part, looking after them. I'm sure I'm self-centered too._

 _At least we're both aware of it._

 _I am definitely looking forward to graduating. I understand your hesitation, though. I'm still not certain on what is going to be happening as far as my future. I'm trying to stay hopeful. But, like I said, low expectations._

 _Your friend,_

 _your secret friend_

 _P.S. You should work on your insults._


	8. Chapter 8

_Just A Girl_

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Summary: Bella gets a new English teacher. It changes everything. New Moon AU. Imprint.

* * *

"…and then Em ordered the two bastards away like a freaking pro and here we are." Quil finished his summary of last night's events.

They were sitting in the living room of Jacob's house now. Bella was curled into Jacob's side on the small couch, her legs underneath her. Embry was sitting at Bella's feet, leaning against the couch, his shoulder pressed into the side of Jacob's leg. Jared was sitting in the armchair resting up against Jacob's side of the couch that was normally reserved for Charlie when he came over to watch the game. Quil was sprawled out on the floor on his stomach, his elbows propped up so that he could see clearly as he retold the events of the previous night.

They all looked exhausted, Bella noted. Embry's head was fully leaned back so that his hair tickled her knee. His eyes had closed sometime during Quil's story. Quil, despite his passionate retelling, lacked the energy that normally encased his whole body. He didn't even used hand motions during his recounting – something that anyone who knew Quil would be shocked at. Jared had bruise-like shadows under his eyes that spoke of not only a physical strain, but an emotional one. A pack one. There was a strain in the hierarchy of the pack – one Quil had just unknowingly confirmed. One Jacob would have to bear the backlash for – the aftereffects.

"You ordered them away, Em? Like an alpha command?" Jacob asked, looking slightly horrified. Although the traces of his injuries had disappeared from his face, there was still physical evidence of the struggle that had occurred only hours before. Bella could still feel it herself, in the steady ache in her side.

Embry's whole body shuttered. He did not open his eyes. "Yeah."

Jacob just stared at his best friend. Quil looked between them, his eyebrows scrunched together, looking like he had no idea how to cut the tense that now swallowed the room so thickly that Bella felt for a single moment like she could not breathe.

Jared, however, seemed to have finally found his voice.

"It makes sense." He said, staring at Jacob with eyes too old for his face.

There were too many consequences for the remarkable changes that had occurred in her boys. Bella could see the changes in them acutely. They burned into her flesh like a neon sign that proclaimed mockingly – _this is your fault, your fault, only yours._

The voice sounded a lot like Paul.

Bella knew she was part of the reason the Cullens had stayed so long. The Cullens were the reason all of these boys – selfless, wonderful boys – around here had phased into creatures made to destroy – even if the destruction was of vampires.

It was still slaughter, in several aspects. It was still murder. Bella knew that it weighed on them – that it tainted them inside. She felt tainted too, be association, by her own part in this whole fucked up mess.

But her boys were not monsters. They would never ever be monsters. They were struggling, trying to deal with this whole collapse of the universe – the very world turning over, taking their lives away, and then giving it back to them upside down, inside out.

Some days, it was easy. The changes could be viewed through rose-tented glasses and they could speak in awe of the speed their limbs were no capable of traveling; the distance they were capable of hearing; the sights they could see that Bella would have to pull out a telescope just for a glimpse of. But at the end of the day, they were still created to destroy. And at the end of the day, it was about finding a path of destruction where they achieved their goals, but did not destroy themselves too in the process.

That was where she came in now. Bella would not allow them to self-destruct. She would stand like a metaphoric pillar of strength. She, a weak human girl, would find a voice inside of all of this and she would prove herself – prove to them that there was more to the world than all of this supernatural nonsense that was gnawing on their bones.

The Pack aspect was a part of this, a key piece to maintaining the mental health of these boys – of Jacob, someone who she would never be able to detach from even with the heaviest of machinery because there was a bond too thick between them. They were not lone wolves. They were a unit – a bond that blended their very minds together. And they had to act like a Pack – not just a group of boys that were forced together due to supernatural forces.

It was something Sam had never cared to enact. He had let the Pack down – and Bella decided that in the embers of his mistakes, they would rise stronger than before. They would be full extensions of one another.

A Pack.

"How does it make sense?" Jacob barked out. He trembled around her. Bella could feel his anger like it was her own – and inside of his anger was his fear.

"Jake." Bella said. She sounded strained even to her own ears. "Jared is right. It does make sense."

Jacob's eyes turned to hers, fire burning in them.

"Tell me then, Bella, how any of this makes sense?" His voice was loud. The whole room flinched. Jacob pulled up from the couch, his shins hitting against Embry's ribs. Jacob did not acknowledge his best friend's slight protest of pain as he moved away from Jacob slightly. "Tell me how it makes sense that my pack-brother, my alpha would leave me die? Tell me how it makes sense that Embry could order them away unless…." Jacob broke off turning his back to everyone, his pulling at his hair like he was trying to tug up weeds from their roots.

Bella, slightly shaken by Jacob's outburst, stood up. Her legs shook lightly. She could feel the rest of the room's eyes on her and she approached Jacob. She rested a hand softly on his back.

"Unless what, Jake?" Her voice sounding very soft compared the Jacob's loud, violent tones.

"Unless Embry is my brother."

The whole room chilled.

Frantically, Bella recalled Embry's late night confession of the unknown aspect of his parentage. She could not understand why Jacob would come to the conclusion that Embry must be Billy Black's son if he were able to give an alpha command. It seemed so obvious to her that Embry had to be Joshua Uley's son because he was Jacob's beta. Had no one else figured that out? Couldn't anyone else see it?

If all of this bloodlines nonsense really decided the entire hierarchy of the back, there could be no denying that. Hell, Bella would pay for the paternity test herself.

Jacob and Embry moved around each other like they could predict each other's movements before they even considered making them. They had conversations – important conversations – just by looking at one another. The day in Sam's kitchen, Embry had stood at Jacob's right side like a force of nature – ready to follow Jacob into whatever he got himself into, whether he agreed with it or not. And Jacob relied on Embry. There was venerability that Jacob allowed Embry to see that could only be compared to what Jacob showed her.

Except, Bella's relationship with Jacob included a completely different aspect that made Bella feel like she was walking on hot coals sometimes.

Quil, too, was seen in this dynamic. He was there, steady. But he lacked the forcefulness that Jacob needed from a second-in-command. Something that Embry, under his shyness, his introverted nature, possessed.

It was completely obvious to anyone with eyes that Jacob was the leader. Even right this minute, standing the room like his shoulders were mountains that were slowly crumbling.

Bella was ready to catch him. For the first time in her life, she felt like she wasn't the one needing the saving.

"Why," Bella asked, "does that mean that Embry's your brother?"

Jacob faced her, his eyes red. Bella's hand fell limb at her side. "To give an alpha command you either have to of alpha or beta bloodline. And Embry – he was able to order _Sam_. The beta bloodline would not be powerful enough for that – especially with Sam being the elder."

Bella shook her head at him. He glared at her.

"Haven't you been listening to any of the stuff I've been telling you about bloodlines?" He threw in her face. His tone scalded her like hot water. "Things don't just happen because they should, Bella! The world doesn't work like that! Just because you want to have a romanticized version of reality doesn't meant the rest of us do! This falls above you now, Bella. Back off."

She stumbled slightly away from him, backwards. Her foot caught on the rug and she would have been sent sprawling to the floor if it wasn't for the arms that caught her securely.

"That was uncalled for." Embry's voice was firm, unyielding.

Bella felt Jacob's eyes boring into her. She could feel his grief in her chest, his angry, how afraid he was at all of these new revaluations. If she was feeling his emotions, he had to be able to feel hers.

God, she wished she could get her hands on those fucking journals. There had to be more to imprinting that love at first sight and happily ever after.

"I'm sorry." Jacob's voice was broken.

Bella planted herself more firmly, avoiding the shaking that was still pressing through the muscles in her calves; avoiding the pain that had renewed with a vigor in her side. She stepped out of Embry's arms and looked Jacob straight the eye.

"Good." She said.

They stared at each other.

"Are you ready to hear me out now?" Bella asked, forcing calm into her body – letting it fill her up like an injection of morphine.

"Okay." Jacob agreed, softly, ducking his head. He sat down, right there on the floor, cross legged and full of defeat, full of self-hate.

Bella wanted to cry for him. Bella wanted to cry with him.

Quil moved over, sitting up and pressed his shoulder firmly against Jacob's. Embry backed away from her fully and sat on the edge of the couch, tense. He was ready to jump in and keep the peace once again, she could tell. She offered him a brief smile.

She stained standing and looked at them, meeting each of their eyes. A part of her acknowledged that she should be nervous, standing in front of these boys on the brink of manhood. She wasn't. In all of her history of public speaking, this was the first time she felt like she wouldn't vomit.

"It's so obvious." She started and the worlds seemed to pour out of her throat. "Even before you three phased," She made a gesture towards Embry, Jacob, and Quil, "I could tell."

They gave her blank looks. She almost smiled at the identically faces.

Bella focused on Jared, feeling like he would be her ally in this fight.

"Jacob was always meant to be alpha. He was born to be alpha." Jared nodded at her words, agreeing. "And Embry is his beta. Embry was born to be Jacob's beta."

"There is the matter of age." Jared acknowledged. "Jacob was right, Sam is older."

Bella shook her head. "I think you read too much into the bloodlines. I understand that there's an 'alpha bloodline' and a 'beta bloodline' but I think it's more about the person and how the pack dynamic works. Embry has always been your beta, Jake. Always. You've been friends since you were babies. He was able to give that alpha command last night because it was in defense of you – and you're Embry's alpha. Even when you phased and refused to take up your true position, Embry has been a part of your pack. Quil too. Their loyalty has never been to Sam. I think their wolves knew that too."

The three of them stared at her. Jared, however, looked very thoughtful.

"What about me then?" Jared questioned, his eyes tense. He was worried, Bella immediately came to understand. He felt like he had no place he belonged. "I had no loyalty to Jacob before I phased or afterwards. Why do… why do I feel such a… pull?"

Jacob was obviously unaware of Jared's internal conflict, because his head snapped around to stare at the older boy.

"Because it's the right thing." Bella said frankly. She moved back to the couch and sat down next to Embry. "I'm not claiming to have all the answers here, guys. But I think there's a lot more connected to all of this than you just turning into wolves and going off to kill vampires. I also think it's too late for you, Jake. Whatever Embry did last night and however he did it, your time has come. You can't… you can't pretend anymore."

Her heart hurt for him. Here was this boy that had sowed her together with grease stained fingers, with warm fuzzy sodas, with kind brown eyes, with full-body hugs that made her feel what it meant to be _human_ and not just something lesser on the food chain. Here was a boy that she would willingly die for because she loved him – a boy that would never ask her to die for him. A boy she would never have to die to be with.

Here was a boy that seemed to need her just as much as she needed him.

And his eyes bore into hers and that connection that had formed between them was suddenly so tangible, she thought she could reach out her fingers and grasp onto it like a rope.

"I know." He said. He didn't sound broken anymore. He didn't sound defeated.

He just sounded done.

* * *

Moments after the confrontation in the kitchen and the ripping away of Jacob's childhood, Bella cooked lunch.

Jacob's refrigerator was fully stocked and Bella began the process of emptying it fill the humongous appetites of the five wolves that had followed her like the puppies they were into the kitchen, seating themselves at the dining room table. There was a silence that seemed to burn.

Once it became apparent that no one else was going to break it, Bella did.

"What did you guys tell my dad?" She asked, turning from where she was browning eight pounds of ground beef in two different skillets.

Jared and Embry turned to look at Quil, who grinned sheepishly at her. "I let Billy do it."

"So we have no idea what the story is on why I snuck out in the middle of the night and didn't go to school?"

Quil shook his head.

Bella sighed. Of course.

"Where is Dad?" Jacob asked.

"He went over to Harry's when we carried you in last night. It was…" Quil trailed off.

"It was a bit much for him, to see you like that." Embry finished, throwing a glance at Jared.

"How bad?" Jacob asked, a resigned tone in his words.

The three others looked at one another.

Finally, Jared said, "If we hadn't gotten there, you'd be dead."

Bella's whole body stilled. Her heart tore open. Her bones felt like they were burst from her flesh. Sound disappeared. There was only her and grief.

Suddenly, warm arms surrounded her. Jacob's scent flooded her nose.

"Hey." He said softly. "I'm right here. It's all good."

Bella gave a meek laugh that cracked at the edges.

"You're not allowed to die." She told him. "Got that?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Jacob said into her hair.

* * *

"What happens now?" Jared asked. "We can't hide in here forever."

"Yes, we can." Embry muttered under his breath. Quil slapped the back of his head.

"I need to talk to Sam and Paul and figure out what's going on." Jacob said, looking down at his empty plate. Bella pressed her ankle into his calf under the table. He looked up at her and smiled softly.

"Jake… If somehow you aren't alpha, you can't let them… You would have died." Quil stared at Jacob, trying to impart his worry.

Bella wondered what would happen when they phased again. When Jacob would see himself from their perspective – when they had carried Jacob inside, half-dead.

Bella had never been so grateful that she had a tendency to pass out and that she was not a werewolf. She had no desire to ever see Jacob in any way but perfect health.

Every injury he obtained felt like an injury to her as well.

Edward's hardships had always affected her. She wanted to make him worry-free. She wanted him to be happy, even if that mean she was not happy. It was a part of love, she had learned. But seeing Jacob in any state of distress was not just uncomfortable for her, it was physically painful. She not only wanted to take his distress onto herself, but also completely obliterate what caused it.

It was odd. Bella didn't quite understand it. But she had the rest of her life, she guessed.

As long as Sam didn't actually kill Jacob.

Bella reinforced Quil's words by reaching over to take his hand boldly on the table. She pressed her nails into his palm. He squeezed her fingers gently.

"I know, Quil." Jacob said.

Quil nodded, seemingly satisfied. Embry, however, was not.

"I'm coming with you." Embry said, strongly.

Jacob opened his mouth, but Embry cut him off. "If this turns into a fight, you'll need some help. I'm going with you."

"If Em is going, I'm going." Quil said.

"I've picked my side." Jared said softly.

Bella almost didn't hear Jared's words with her poor human ears. But Bella knew Jared would find his place soon. He would stop feeling like an outsider to the fluidity that Jacob possessed with Embry and Quil. He would become a part of it.

She remembered that night in her bedroom with Jacob. _One day, you'll all have to choose._ She had said.

Sometimes, she hated being right.

* * *

 _Dear friend,_

 _There are a thousand things I want to say in this letter. I want to talk about how the world can be really messed up at times. I want to talk about childhoods being stolen before their time. I want to talk theories on the true validation of love. Most of all, I want to not talk at all._

 _There's something on the horizon. I can feel it in my bones. I've been having strange dreams – like warnings. I don't know what it means. Half the time I think I'm crazy. The other half I wondering if I'm sane and it's the rest of the world that's gone nuts. I opened my eyes this morning and saw my textbooks neatly stacked on my desk, my college applications ready to mail, and noticed that I needed to do laundry._

 _Have you ever felt like you've been sucked into something and then you turn around and realize that all those mundane things still exist and you have to keep up with them? Like doing laundry._

 _I'm sure you're ready to testify to have me committed now._

 _I read your novel. It's good. Like really good. I've attached your USB key. I put in some comments on your document. There were a few grammar mistakes that I fixed and I had a few suggestions. I think that one line of the story could be explored more – with Melissa. Just because she seems to be too tragic, y'know? You could shape her more. Just because someone seems to be rounded with tragedy on all edges does not mean that the circle isn't completed by happy times. No one exists purely in negative emotions their entire life. They have to have something that makes then happy – one memories, or one person, or even a hobby._

 _Maybe I should take up a hobby._

 _Anyway, I firmly expect this to be published. I will be looking for it every time I'm in a bookstore until the day I die. I will then haunt you if it still has not been published._

 _Love,_

 _Bee_

 _P.S. Bite me._

* * *

Bella was on edge the rest of the day.

After locating Billy and finding out the excuses that had been made to Charlie, Jacob drove her home. She was tense the whole drive. Jacob pressed her close to his side on the bench seat, the warmth of his skin surrounding her, softening her edges. She had almost asked to go with him – to be a witness to the confirmation between the Pack.

But she hadn't. She had to accept that she would never be able to protect Jacob in that sense. There were some battles he would have to fight on his own.

That didn't mean she didn't worry about him.

School was useless by the time she made it home. After Bella had showered off the night before, lunch had just ended. It would draw more attention if she went in half-way through the school day than not at all.

Besides, she would not have been able to sit in those desks when Jacob very well come have been in a fight to the death.

Instead, she cleaned. She did laundry. She cooked.

She tried to study, but her brain would not focus. The only things that seemed to give her any relief from her anxiety were chores where she would use her hands. If she had been athletic, she would have been running.

Charlie arrived home after work promptly at six o'clock. Dinner was ready. She had her homework out for looks. Her knee would not stop bouncing.

"Bella?" Charlie called when after he unlocked the door.

"Kitchen." She called back, pressing her nose into her textbook.

Charlie entered the kitchen and surveyed her silently for a moment. She tried to pretend that she could not feel his eyes on her – dissecting her.

There were times were Bella was reminded just how badly it felt to lie to her father in an effort to shield him from the supernatural forces that played such a role in her life. Now was one of those times.

"Is Jacob okay?" He asked awkwardly.

"Yeah, he's fine now." She said just as awkwardly.

Quil had been right last night that Charlie had already been absent from the house when she had escaped on the back of a werewolf. Another murder had been called in and Charlie had left the house sometime in the early hours of the morning. He had stayed at work all day. This made the cover a lot easier to compose – Charlie would never know that she sneaked out in the middle of the night instead of leaving this morning right as she was about to head to school when Jacob had called her, desperately in need of a friend.

The cover had been that Quil had threatened to commit suicide over some topic that Billy left unclear and Jacob had called her for support. Bella, ever the giver, arrived just in time to shine some light on their problems and save Quil from jumping off a cliff. No harm, no foul. Of course, Charlie would forever be questioning Quil's mental health.

When Quil himself had heard the cover, he swore that it was Billy's idea of revenge for leaving the job on the old man's shoulders.

Bella thought the suicide thing was a bit much. She had been so close to the edge herself a few months ago that she thought it was a horrible topic to be joking about. But Charlie had been dreadful in his enforcement of her education. She had been missed so much school right after the Cullens had left. Before, he probably wouldn't have minded if she had just skipped school one day for a break. Now, however, he was constantly waiting, watching, for her fall right back into the throws of her depression.

He no longer trusted her or anything that came out of her mouth.

A large part of Bella knew that she deserved it. A smaller part of Bella wished that her father would be proud of the fact she had risen above her struggle instead of being disappointed that her struggle had existed at all.

Bella wondered if her teenage years would haunt her forever. She wondered if her father would ever see the person she was becoming instead of the person she was.

They ate dinner together silently. Charlie did not try for conversation.

The vindictive part of Bella wanted him to make the first move. The softer part of her just wanted their relationship to be okay again.

"I mailed my college applications today." Bella volunteered when Charlie's plate was half-empty.

"That's good." He said. "Where did you apply to?"

"Everywhere." Bella said half-heartedly.

"Florida?" Charlie wanted to know.

"Yeah."

Charlie nodded. "I think it would be good for you."

Bella shrugged.

Charlie finished and dropped his plate in the sink. He headed into the living room. Bella's shoulders slumped.

She put the food away. She washed the dishes slowly, enjoying the hot water on her hands. She gathered her books and headed to her room.

She started up the old computer on her desk. While waiting for it turn on, she organized the books on her bookshelf and thought about how much she needed to buy a new computer. Once it was turned on, she opened up a Word document and stared at the blinking cursor.

It shouldn't be so hard. Bella had written things before. She had even submitted short stories to contests back in Phoenix. Why was it suddenly so hard? Why had everything changed so much? Why couldn't she be sixteen again?

Things were easier then.

She pressed her fingers into the keyboard. She just needed a sentence. Everything started with one sentence. A sentence could be a story in itself. A sentence could begin a story.

Bella just needed one sentence.

 _In the ashes of her despair, she found within it the strength that could only come from rebirth and the rebirth of self, she discovered, is what he had meant for her to discover._

* * *

The sun had set by the time Jacob reappeared in her room. Charlie was still awake. The TV was blaring.

Jacob hauled himself through Bella's window effortlessly. He appeared perfectly unhurt. That did not stop Bella from pulling herself out of her desk chair and looking over him, pressing her hands against either side of his face.

"Are you okay?" She asked him, watching his face.

"Not a scratch." He said to her.

She nodded. And with that she pulled his face down to meet hers.

Bella had imagined kissing Jacob. She wasn't ashamed to admit it. She had thought about how his lips would feel and how he would hold her. She had wondered if he would press his hand into her hair or leave it against the pulse point at her neck. She had wondered if he would clutch at her waist or lay his hand open palmed on her back. She had thought about the heat that would inevitably wrap around her. She had even considered how her heartbeat would speed up, how his would speed up to match hers.

They were always so in sync.

Nothing in her imagination could compare to how it actually felt to have his lips on hers.

* * *

 _Bee,_

 _The world really is messed up at times. People do get shoved into roles before they're ready for them. There are so many theories on the validation of love that I could not list all of them on paper. But I can tell you that true love is selfless. And I can tell you that it's perfectly okay to want to tear out your own vocal cords just to make people stop looking at you for answers._

 _You don't need to be committed. I can feel the upcoming battle too. I think it's a metaphoric war. I don't think you need to worry. Make it's a personal war. Maybe every young adult in the world feels this heaviness at a certain age. It can't just be us._

 _I would invest in a dream journal, if you're getting strange dreams. Dreams are created by the subconscious and often speak of things that our conscious mind isn't aware of – desires, warnings, worries. They may go away if you try to understand them._

 _I'm not going to acknowledge how much it means that you like my novel. I will definitely look at your comments. Thank you for reading it._

 _And I will endeavor to publish it, but that means that someone other than you has to like it. Unless you're secretly a publishing company. If so, where do I sign?_

 _Until later,_

 _Your friend_


	9. Chapter 9

_Just A Girl_

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Summary: Bella gets a new English teacher. It changes everything. New Moon AU. Imprint.

* * *

Minutes passed. They were laying side by side on Bella's bed, Jacob's fingers slowly combing through her hair. It felt very much like they were the only two people that existed. Jacob's woodsy scent filled her with every breath she took. She could hear the pounding of his heartbeat under her ear. She could see their entire future laid out plainly before her.

It was unreal, laying here with him. Nothing else mattered. Jacob had held her together for so long and now, finally, he didn't have to worry about pieces breaking off of her and getting lost in the downwards spiral. She was glued back together. Some of the pieces were in crooked angles, pressed into the wrong places, but she was still Bella and he was still Jacob. They fit together. They were made for each other.

Even the spirits had agreed.

Bella knew that she was always supposed to end up right here, like this. Jacob's body was pressed against her, encasing her. She felt infinite at this moment. She felt like a warrior. She could take on anything.

As long as Jacob was standing next to her.

The silence surrounded them. It was soft, feathery, like a down comforter that shielded away winter's wandering hands. Except, Bella had never owned a down comforter and spring was ripening outside of her window.

There was a world outside waiting for them. Responsibilities were knocking on her bedroom door, a sharp, short rapture. Half a second, a breath, a smile – the world stretched beyond them. A thousand inconsequential things littered across the space between what existed now and what Bella could see in the depth of Jacob's eyes.

There were words that needed to be said. Decisions needed to be made. A war needed to be won. And then, maybe they could fall back into their deepest parts. Maybe Jacob would press his hands to her thighs and she could press her face into his sternum and everything would coincide like it was meant to.

Whatever future they were meant to have – unaided by supernatural forces, untainted by the hands of her lost lover, her vampire that sucked out the venom from her wrist and sucked himself from her life – would surely meet back up with them, like two dead ends connecting to make a whole, free flowing path to whatever lay beyond.

Bella would be okay with never traveling beyond her bedroom, right at this instant when time stood still and infinity licked the walls like shadows.

But there was no such thing as forever and there never had been. There had been hypocritical delusions of grandeur once upon a time, but the first drafts of fairytales always ended in tragedy.

Bella had grown past the books that slathered meaningless murmurings across pages. Perhaps, sci-fi was no longer a ridiculous genre. Maybe there was something to be learned from things that lay far beyond the realm of this point in time.

Jacob breathed out, an exclamation of all of his wants and desires that could not be obtained in this moment. Bella suffered with him. But they would grow ripe in their years and their love would age like the finest wine. Of that, Bella was sure.

They just had to make sure they both lived through whatever was approaching from the hills.

"What happened?" Bella finally asked.

"A lot." Jacob said.

A pause. A breath. Four steady heartbeats beneath her ear.

"Tell me about it."

* * *

"….and I phased, hoping that I could just do it quick and easy – like a band aid. Sam would realize what had happened by one glimpse in my head, y'know? It was a sure way to figure out who was still alpha or maybe if we were both alphas and some fight had to take place for the position. But, Bells, we all phased, one after another, and we couldn't hear Sam or Paul. So, Embry though that they just weren't phased. I howled for them, like normal. We waited and waited and waited. Nothing."

"Did they not come?" Bella asked.

"No." Jacob shook his head. "They came. We just couldn't hear them. Our minds weren't linked anymore."

"Why not?"

"All that we could come up with was that we had somehow formed two different Packs. Which I didn't understand, because I was unconscious when this had taken place." Jacob ran a hand through his hair. "Jared thinks that the betrayal triggered something and Embry sealed the deal with his alpha command."

Bella chewed on her lip. "So did you actually talk to them?"

Jacob nodded. "Once we figure out that we couldn't hear each other, we all phased back. Sam was pissed. Paul looked kind of ill." He trailed off, looking unseeingly into the distance.

"Jake?" She murmured.

He gave her a soft smile.

"It wasn't nearly as complicated as we all thought it would be. There wasn't even a fight."

"Sam just surrendered?" Bella could not believe that.

"Of course not." Jacob scoffed. "But I was always meant to be alpha and Sam could not fight that. He was born to follow me. They all were."

There was no edge of superiority to Jacob's tone. There was nothing that hinted at hidden glee at his new position of power over his fellow packmates. There was only unaltered honest with sharp edges. Within those edges was the evidence that Jacob was no longer a boy. He was a man.

"And?" She prompted.

"It turns out," Jacob said softly, "It was a lot harder for Sam to maintain the power of alpha than we thought. It was kind of tearing him in two. He didn't really want to give it up – it felt so powerful to him. I could see into his mind as soon as I made the decision that we could not have two packs. I could see how much the alpha position meant to him. It gave him something tangible to hold onto, y'know? I couldn't fault him for that. But it was never meant to be his. He wasn't equipped to deal with the sheer weight of it. That doesn't make up for some of actions, but it makes him seem less of a villain - at least to me. He did kind of leave me for dead though."

"Why did he do that? Why did Paul do that?" Bella asked, the horror of the previous night still ice cold within her.

"Jealousy." Jacob said softly. "Sam knew that I wouldn't be able to fight the pull much longer. He didn't want to give it up. He honestly didn't want me to die – I could see it in his mind, I could feel it. But he still did what he did. There's no taking that back. And Paul…. He doesn't have any family. He had no one. Sam has been his best friend since they were kids – kind of like Em and I. Paul would follow Sam anywhere, come hell or high water. I hadn't realized how drastically Sam had changed since phasing until I really looked into Paul's head." Jacob cringed. "It's not pretty in there. He's so angry – at everything. At the world. At his parents. At himself. At the whole wolf thing. At Sam too, for changing so much. But he can't turn his back on Sam because he's all he's got left."

"He had the rest of you though. He didn't have to follow Sam if he didn't want to." Bella pointed out.

Jacob shook his head. "We may have been shoved into each other heads, but there was no ingrained loyalty for one another. We didn't just phase and suddenly become brothers. We didn't even try."

"You should try." Bella pressed. "You need to be a Pack, Jacob. It's a part of you. You can't fight it – none of you."

"I know." He agreed, clasping her hand in his fist.

Bella frowned. "What's going to happen to Sam though? Are you…. punishing him?"

Jacob shook his head. "No… I mean, he's going to definitely be running extra patrols… But he's not a bad guy, Bella. I kind of… mind raped him to be honest. It wasn't one of my proud moments. He's not a threat to the Pack. He just needs to… grow up a bit I think. Everything was kind of thrown on him too fast and the weight was too much and so he fell into petty desires. And when he first phased… for a month he had no idea what was happening to him, running around in wolf form. It would make any man slightly crazy."

Bella pressed herself closer to Jacob's side. "You're going to be okay, right? With this alpha stuff? You're not pushing yourself too hard?"

"Nah. I just get to make lots of decisions now." He gave her a slightly vindicated smirk.

"You'll tell me," Bella started, softly, "If you need anything. You'll tell me if you're feeling too much pressure. Okay?"

"Bells." Jacob pressed his forehead against hers. "I'm not Sam. Don't worry about me. Besides, Embry's already stepped up to handle all of my insane moments."

"I told you he was your beta." She felt slightly smug now.

Jacob grimaced at her. "As soon as we phased, I could feel the new bonds. I knew I was alpha and I knew that Embry was beta. The others could feel it too. But I still don't know… with Embry's parentage. It could still be that Embry is my brother and is just acting in steed for the beta position. Sam isn't fit for the job at least."

"Let's not worry about that, okay?" Bella kissed him chastely, her lungs breathing in the air he had just exhaled. "We can get a paternity test done if you want, but it's useless to worry over it."

"Okay."

Jacob pressed his lips back to hers. His tongue traced her bottom lip. She tugged on his with her teeth. Something animalistic sounding came from Jacob's throat. She pulled back, looking at him through her eyelashes, laughter clearly defined on her face. He grinned at her, a full Jacob smile that she hadn't seen in a while.

"We're going to make up for all of this." Jacob whispered to her. "We're going to get our shit together and we're going to destroy this fucking redhead leech and you and I are going to live happily ever after."

"Okay." Bella smiled at him. "Sounds good to me."

"Good." Jacob breathed out, a weight lessening from his shoulders.

Bella pressed her lips back to his.

"Good." He repeated into her mouth.

* * *

 _Hi_

 _I started writing again. I'm not sure if it was the changes in my life or you that inspired me. I know that these letter began with the intent of keep each other focused on our writing goals, but they've done a lot more than that for me._

 _Graduation is soon. I sent in my forms for my cap and gown today. I'm not particularly enthusiastic about doing the whole graduation ceremony thing, but I figured my parents deserve that much. I proud of myself too. I'm proud that I made it through this far. As long as I don't fail any exams from here on out, it'll be a smooth ride._

 _I hope._

 _There are a lot of loose ends left in my life, but I've started to figure out that not everything can be tied with a bow and set out for display. A lot of things will always be there, silent on the edges. You can forget about that most of the time, but late at night they'll creep up on you. I'm worried about drowning in them, but it's easier now._

 _I thought I was in love before. And I think I really did love him. It was honest. My feelings were not born out of some hypnotic notion or emotional vindication that left me easy prey. I knew what I was doing. As much as I wish to excuse my actions sometimes, I can't. My actions were my own and always will be._

 _I can see a future now. For so long I felt empty, going through the motions in search of something that would make sense. I've found it. That long forgotten thing that I can't figure out how I didn't see sooner. It's like picking up a penny off the road and wondering why anyone ever dropped something so shiny._

 _I want to start reading again. I used to read so much. I want to find the pieces of my old self again. I'm ready to incorporate old things back into the new me._

 _Do you have any reading suggestions? I'm even open to sci-fi._

 _Hopefully,_

 _Bee_

* * *

Time passed. The threat of Victoria increased tenfold. She was teetering on the edges of the Pack's defense line. The new unity that flowed through the Pack seemed to scare her, Jacob thought. After the attack with her newly made vampires, Victoria seemed more suicidal, but also more careful. The Pack was confused. Exhaustion swept through all of them. And Bella.

Bella was rarely left to her own devices. A wolf was always with her – either in the woods outside of where she was currently at or inside the house with her. She had started cooking a lot more – feeding the Pack large appetites. It seemed when the alpha role had transferred away from Sam, the Pack stopped hanging out at his house as often. Or at least, heading there for food.

Bella worried about Emily when the boys started showing up more and more at her door for food as opposed to the little house in La Push. Bella had a lot of other things to keep her busy. Emily didn't.

But Bella didn't head down to La Push to see Emily. Jacob had thought it best to give Sam and Emily some time to themselves. And he didn't particularly want her anywhere near Sam. He may had forgone punishing the older man because of the circumstances, but that didn't mean that Jacob trusted Sam with her.

Bella didn't particularly trust Sam with Jacob, either.

The new dynamics were hard to slip into. Charlie had gotten a shock when he had come home for dinner to find the majority of the Pack had taken over their living room. He had turned slightly red in the face, but Jacob had talked him down without Charlie even having to say a world. She had always known that Charlie approved of Jacob.

Jacob and Bella had not made their relationship 'public' so to speak. They were in a relationship though. They moved around one another like they were orbiting each other. They made out a lot too. Typical teenagers. They had not had sex. Bella was kind of looking forward to the moment they did, but she wasn't really keen on rushing it. They had time.

For the first time in her life, Bella didn't feel like she had to rush anything. Except getting Victoria taken care of.

As soon as the redhead was out of the picture, everything would be as close to perfect as possible. Maybe she and Jacob could go away for the weekend, leave Embry in charge of the Pack and have some true time to themselves.

Bella was itching for something outside of Forks. There was a life beyond this tiny town. She knew that Jacob would forever be bound to La Push, but that did not mean that he had to be present there all the time. He had options too.

She had never talked to Jacob about what he wanted to do with his life. She didn't know if he was interested in college like Embry was or had a different path in mind. She would support him, whatever option she chose. But there was a sliver of her that wanted Jacob to go to college with her and immerse himself in the passage of time. They could rent a shitty apartment and get drunk together and make out on the living room floor. It was all there, in her head like some soap opera that couldn't be turned off.

Bella had dreams now. But she knew that's what they were – dreams, not fracturing particles of reality crammed inside of her head. The last thing she wanted to do was build Jacob up in her mind differently that how he really was. She wanted to remember him honestly, blemished and imperfect, with a voice like the ocean crashing into the rocks and how he had endeavored to shove whatever he could of himself into her to round out her paper-sharp scars.

Jacob would always be a mechanic, but she didn't need fixed anymore. He had realized that, she hoped. She hoped he looked at her now and saw her as she was and not the gaunt faced girl that showed up at his house with two broken skeletons of motorbikes.

So much had changed so quickly that her head sometimes spun with the force of it.

* * *

Bella was currently in the kitchen. The game was on in the living room and the sounds of the Pack filtered through the wall. She smiled to herself. There was a comfort in having them so close to her now. A new dynamic had taken its position and started soaring.

Jacob was leaning against the counter, watching her with warm eyes.

"Here." She murmured, holding up the spoon she was mixing the red sauce with. "Taste."

Jacob obliged, pressing his tongue out along the rim of the spoon. She grinned at him, cheeks pink.

"Good." He smacked his lips together. "Very good. But I know something that tastes better." He wagged his eyebrows at her suggestively.

She rolled her eyes at him, unable to hold in her giggle.

"Okay, break it up!" Quil smirked at them as he appeared at the kitchen door. "Or do we get dinner and a show?"

Quicker than Bella's human eyes could follow, Jacob had pounced on Quil sending the two crashing to the floor. The laughter that came out of their mouths filled in the spaces of the moment.

Embry appeared at the door, looking down at the two of them were fond amusement. He looked up at her and rolled his eyes.

She rolled hers back at him, sticking her tongue out.

Embry stepped over Jacob's leg to reach her, wrapping a friendly around her shoulder and kissing her temple.

"I think we're raising children." Embry said conversationally to her.

"Oh yes." She played along. "If they don't stop wrestling on the floor, they won't get dinner." She peered down at the Jacob and Quil still half on top of each other on the floor.

Jared appeared at the doorway of the kitchen, a huge smirk on his face.

"I still get dinner though, right?" He batted his eyelashes at Bella. She laughed, her chest heaving up and down.

Composing herself, she glanced at Embry conspiringly. "What do you think, honey?" She crooned at him.

Embry smirked at her. "I don't know, honey." He crooned back at her in an absolutely hilarious accent. "Dinners not ready, yet. He could still ruin his chances."

Embry suddenly grunted in pain. Jacob had kicked him right in the shin.

"Stop chatting up my girl." Jacob teased, pulling himself off the floor and stealing Bella from his arms, only to laugh at the look of offense on Embry's face.

Quil stayed on the floor, seemingly perfectly content on the tile.

Bella easily stepped out of Jacob's arms, took a leap over Quil's stomach and turned off the burner on the sauce.

"Ready." She announced.

Bella quickly sidestepped out of the kitchen while the boys began to load up their plates. Jared caught her before she made her escape fully.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"Yeah." She said. "I've just got to…" She gestured towards the living room. Jared's face hardened slightly.

"Do you want me to come with you?" He asked.

Bella shook her head. "It's fine. You'll be able to hear everything anyway."

She glanced at Jacob as she left to find him staring right at her, face full of question. She shook her head lightly at him and he nodded at her.

In the living room, Paul sat like a statue on the couch in front of the TV.

Paul and Sam had been largely excluded form Pack get-togethers – however informal they were. Bella hadn't exactly planned on cooking dinner for an army tonight, but they had showed up at her door and who was she to turn them away. To be honest, she loved having them around. She was tired of being alone. She had been alone for seventeen years before she moved to Forks and she was done.

So she could understand Paul in some respects. From what Jacob had told her, he was really just a very lonely and very angry boy that didn't know how to rid himself of negative emotions besides spreading them to other people. And that was toxic.

But after the whole thing with Sam and Paul and the others had blown up, the two had tried to keep their distance. They obeyed Jacob and avoid starting problems, but they did not try to blend in.

Jacob, Embry, Quil, and Jared had started falling into each other's movements, echoing one another like shadows. Jared had found things in common with the younger wolves. While he did not hold the years of friendship like Jacob, Embry and Quil did with one another, there was a bond that came from existing in each other's heads. And it wasn't being ignored any longer. They had intimate knowledge of one another and with that came trust. Jacob would never betray that trust, even to tell her things.

Bella accepted that.

She also accepted the fact that things needed to move one and people couldn't be stuck in the same molds forever. Therefore, here she was standing in front of Paul – who had hesitantly followed Jared into the house that afternoon. The only one that Paul seemed to be slightly comfortable around anymore was Jared. Jacob had told her that he was even avoiding Sam. Some things you couldn't forget.

But there was such a thing as forgiveness and Bella had always been told that she gave it away too easily.

"Are you going to come eat?" She asked him softly but not shyly.

Paul looked away from the TV to look at her. "I don't want to… uh…"

"You won't get in the way."

The wolf that had insulted her straight to her face that day in the kitchen was gone. In front of her was a boy swaddled in insecurity and trying to climb out of his self-inflected shipwreck.

"C'mon." She ordered. He stood and followed her to the kitchen.

The rest of the Pack, minus Sam, was already sitting at the table, plates loaded. They all looked up when Paul entered the kitchen behind her.

Paul faltered at the doorway. She glared at all of her wolves, Paul included.

"We are going to sit around this table and have a nice dinner like a happy little family and I will have no glaring or insulting and you will not throw food, Quil."

All five of them nodded at her.

There was always a leap of faith before progress was made. It was understood that day in the kitchen, the leap had been made.

* * *

The following day was Saturday and Bella had just parked her truck at Jacob's little red house. Unfortunately, Jacob would be on patrol for most of the day, leaving her to her own devices. The Pack was trying to draw Victoria out into the open. The days that best suited the wolf-hunt were weekends, when Bella could keep her feet firmly planted on La Push soil.

But Bella had a secondary motive with her stop today.

It seemed ages ago that Embry had first told her about the secret journals left by the last Pack – Jacob's great-grandfather. Bella had not forgotten about them. They seemed like something held over her head, teasing her with the information that was surely pressed inside of the pages in the lines of past generations and birthright and the _curse_ of supernatural; the _honor_ of being a protector.

Sam, as previous alpha, had never read the journals as far as Bella was aware. Jacob had not mentioned anything about them to her. Perhaps, he had too much on his mind to fully engage every aspect of his birthright. Bella, however, seemed to have a lot of time on her hands.

Embry had called her the alpha female, after all. Surely that meant _something_.

Billy was current chief of the tribe. He was the one locking away those journals and he would be the one to give her answers. So here she stood, at the door of the little red house that she spent almost as much time in as her own. She had long sense moved passed the formalities of knocking.

"Billy?" She called as she headed inside.

He was sitting in his wheelchair, flipping channels on the TV when she found him. He glanced up at her, a wane smile on his lips.

"Bella." He greeted in that deep voice of his. "How are you today?"

"I'm okay." She said, smiling. She sat down on the edge of the couch and chewed on her lip, wondering how to phrase this.

"Is everything okay?" Billy always did seem to have sixth sense when it came to trouble. But Bella was not trying to start trouble. She was trying to keep trouble to the minimum these days.

Less for her wolves to do.

"I want to read the journals of the last Pack." Tumbled out of her mouth before she could retrain herself. Well, too late now. "I'm the current alpha's imprint – that's got to mean something, right? And Jacob and I have talked about it." That wasn't completely true, but she knew Jacob would back her up if asked. "But he's running himself dry trying to catch Victoria and keep up with mundane life. The Pack has so many questions and Sam never looked into it before… I just want to help them, Billy."

Billy watched her with those knowing eyes. Bella wondered what his thoughts were on the whole dynamic change in the Pack. Jacob had told her that his father was happy he had stepped up to his birthright, but Bella didn't know how well informed Billy was on the event that lead to Jacob's newly accepted role. Bella didn't even know if Billy accepted her. For all she knew, he was upset that his son had imprinted on her.

At least, Billy had never been upset about them spending time together before Jacob phased. He had encouraged it, actually. And she and Jacob had been something long passed the lines of friendship by the time he turned into a wolf. Maybe she was reading too much into everything, now-a-days.

"Bella," Billy began. "The current alpha is the one with the power over who reads what is in the journals. I am only the holder of them." His eyes twinkled at her, so much like that of his son's. "Once Jacob gets off of patrol and gives me an official 'yes' I'll pull them out for you."

That had gone a lot smoother than Bella had expected.

* * *

Jacob came in through her window late that evening with a bag in his fist. He had taken to spending most of his nights in her room, when he wasn't on patrol or needed elsewhere. She slept better with him around – her dreams were less strange. Jacob still saw her every day – even if it was for five minutes. The imprint bond made it too hard to be away from each other for too long. Bella had begun to feel a physical strain herself, when it was approaching the twenty-four hour mark. Along with the fact she was sure he could feel Jacob's emotions at times as acutely as her own, there was evidence that their bond had gotten stronger with the passage of time.

She wondered if it was all building up to something or if it would continue to bloom. If one day, she would be able to feel Jacob as a full body extension of her own soul.

The interesting things was, when Bella had talked about imprinting with Emily – the only other Pack imprint – she had never mentioned these side effects, so to speak, that had made themselves known to Bella. Emily had described the draw that she had to Sam, but it felt nothing like the rope that tugged and tugged at Bella's chest until she was in direct skin contact with Jacob.

As if Jacob felt the rope as well, he sat his bag down at the end of her bed and grabbed her in a full body hug. He kissed both of her cheeks, a smile on the corners of his mouth. Bella pressed her lips to his, her tongue swiping against his teasingly. They broke apart, breathless and giddy in their togetherness.

Just having him near her made everything gain more color.

"How was patrol?" Bella kept her forehead pressed against his.

Jacob's mood darkened significantly. "I'm starting to wonder if we're ever going to catch this bitch. I'm worried about you all the fucking time. It's driving me nuts."

Bella tightened her arms around him. "I'm sorry."

Jacob kissed her again. "It's not _your_ fault. My wolf is all up and arms, thought. He wants to hide away in the woods with you."

"Really?" Bella asked.

Jacob gave a hum in confirmation. "He thinks you're too skinny. He wants to bring you dead animals every time I come and see you."

"I'm not that skinny." Bella argued.

Jacob laughed, pressing his lips to her throat. "You're perfect, Bells. I don't care if you suck the entire universe inside of you, I'll still love you desperately."

Bella pressed her face to his hair in embarrassment. "What else does your wolf think?"

Jacob sudden tension was almost unnoticeable, but Bella was an expert on all things Jacob.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Well… he kind of _wants_ you." Jacob murmured sounded very much like the sixteen year old boy he had been before he had turned into a wolf.

"Oh." Bella started petting his hair.

"I'm not pressuring you or anything, Bells." Jacob murmured in that same soft, embarrassed tone. "I'd never."

"I know." Bella said, calmly. But her face was probably the color of a tomato. "I love you, Jake. We have the rest of our lives, okay?"

Jacob looked up at her and their eyes met and everything was right in the world.

"Okay." He agreed and gathered her to him. They laid there together, soaking each other in.

"Do you bring the journals?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, they're in the bag."

Bella sat up and grabbed Jacob's bag off of her floor. Inside were three leather-bound journals that looked like they had seen the full extent of their age.

"Have you looked at them?" She asked Jacob.

He shook his head. "I'm not really… enthusiastic about this aspect. I figure if it's important, you'll let me know."

Bella kissed the underside of his jaw. "You should read them, eventually."

"I will." Jacob said. "But right now, I have a leech to kill."

* * *

 _Bumble Bee,_

 _I would love to read what you're writing! If you'd like to share. I promise to tell you very nicely if you suck. I doubt you do, though. You're a very expressive writer in these letters._

 _You've become a friend to me in the past months, Bee. I'm thankful for that. It's nice to have someone on the outside of everything. It gives perspective._

 _Graduation, now that's a big deal. I don't know if I'll walk for graduation next year or not. It seems like a pretty useless ritual for me – especially since I want to continue on with my education._

 _I think my college prospects are brighter now. Do you remember that conflict with my friend and my boss? It's all worked out now, for the better. There's a new freedom in my life now. A heaviness that's dissipated. It's nice._

 _I can see a future too. It's different than I ever imagined it before, but it's there. I may not get everything I had planned before this year, but it won't be bad. It may even be nice._

 _As for book recommendations, I've been waiting forever for you to ask._

 _The Giver_ _by_ _Lois Lowry (Another validation of love)_

 _The Bean Trees_ _by_ _Barbara Kingsolver (A pretty feminist-like fiction novel – made me want to be a better guy)_

 _The Beautiful and the Damned_ _by F. Scott Fitzgerald (One of my favorite books - I attached my copy in this balky envelope. I'm one of those people that abuses books and writes all over them, but I thought you might be interested in reading some of my notes. This book has a profound message that I think you'd understand. You can send it back to me in your next letter.)_

 _Looking forward,_

 _Your friend_

 _P.S. I'll also attached one of the best sci-fi novels of all time. Don't make any judgements until the end. Happy reading!_


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